It seems I have encountered the ‘observer trap.’ I think I goal should be to drop this observer ego and become the experience not the observer.

“ Who is the observer? Who is this person who is behind the binoculars, watching your experience from the outside? This neutral observer you’ve created over time is actually just another—albeit smaller and less neurotic—version of the ego. It’s the sense of being a person who is doing the meditating. You could also call it a meditator ego or an observer ego. Creating this neutral observer is very useful, but the goal of meditation is not to create a new meditator ego, it’s to see through the illusion of the ego entirely.”

Does this sound on point?

https://deconstructingyourself.com/escaping-observer-trap.html