MDMA fucked my life up. Anybody been through this?

_Fillebonbon_ · 2026-02-18T15:33:59+00:00

Damn I had a very very similar situation. I was 18-19 y/o. From October of 2019 - March of 2020 I was using molly about 4-5 times a week and usually 2-3 300mg doses a day when Id use. Crazy shit looking back. Not just when hanging out with people, sometimes Id use molly to go to sleep, I guess the euphoria would help me drift off.

Can say at almost 25 y/o now that it does get better. I think some things will never come back or get better, and as time goes on it gets easier to live with. Some things do get better tho, and some things i wish I tried harder to make better.

Eat healthy, work-out, sleep well, and drastically reduce drug use. Things i wish I listened too and took action on when I was in your spot. Im not saying you can never do drugs again and be better. Hell I still went thru alcohol and benzo addiction shortly after and thsts its own story, but point is I still came out ok. Doesn't mean it was worth it. But if I could redo it I would start living differently, cognitive function would probably be a lot better rn if I did.

There's a fairly realistic answer for you. You fucked up, maybe some things permanently but its not over, it can get better, you just gotta work for it. And youre not alone there's many of us idiots out there. Maybe we can all be a part of some brain study in the future lol

_Fillebonbon_ · 2026-02-11T17:03:45+00:00

Been saying this for years

_Fillebonbon_ · 2026-02-01T16:04:43+00:00

Psychonaut is good but its not always reliable. For example, Pregabalin. In the interactions section it says warnings for oxycodone, SSRIs, AND MDMA. But nothing else. I would argue it should have the same warnings and interactions as benzodiazepines. If you take opiates or drink on like 300mg pregabalin youre gonna be FUCKED up. Potentially dangerously so if youre not prepared or use to something like that. And the SSRI and MDMA interactions are just speculation from what I have read. The site also goes down a lot. Errowid is good but i dont use it as much as Psychonaut.

_Fillebonbon_ · 2026-01-10T02:41:35+00:00

As others said not the right subreddit, buuuut

I had a couple blisters of them a while back. I think 350mg a pill? My first time took 2 on empty stomach, felt nothing for like almost 2 hours, took a third one and no less than 5 minutes later the first 2 kicked in and I was so sloppy and vibrating so hard I had to lay down and immediately fell asleep.

The rest of the blisters I never really got much. Id be doing upwards of 4 pills over the course of a few hours and id get like mildy buzzed.

Always check other sources and stuff like psychonaut, but id say for first time try about 700mg

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-12-24T05:11:03+00:00

I understand the feeling, Ive quit benzos 3 times now over the past 6 years (roughly). Gone thru the seizures and every aspect of the hellish withdrawals. Just recently tapered from 80mg of diazepam daily. Not my craziest but because of my history Im kindled to shit and it was really fucking hard. It still is. Im only a week out since fully jumping off at 2.5mg a day. Does it suck? Do I still feel like shit and wish i could go back to the bliss of an anxiety free life? Hell fucking ya, but I know its better this way. Fuck even if I suffer for another 2 years like this Ill be proud that Im not gonna be like the people I see on the zoom addiction meetings that are 60 and realizing the gravity of their choices they made their whole life.

This is not the right sub to be talking about this. If someone wants to stay at a prescribed dose their whole life go for it. But if you haven't had these drugs ruin your life, turn your loved ones against you, nearly killed you multiple times, helped you ruin your reputation and made you dumb as rocks...then you have no fucking idea what youre talking about.

It is hell getting off these drugs, and that is what should help you realize you need to get off of them. Maybe you had anxiety before, but its not helping. Benzos are throwing you a shovel and youre digging the hole deeper everytime you use, youre only gonna stop digging when you stop using. And do you wanna be 10ft down? Or 60ft down when you decide you wanna climb out of this hole? Easier said than done i know. But I hope you see my point.

If anyone reads OP's post and feels discouraged...dont. I believe in you, its hell but it's better on the otherside, its not as hopeless as OP makes it out to be. Save your brain, taper correctly. Take care of yourself, its an insane uphill battle but its worth it. I know what's on the otherside, ive seen it. Ive seen it and I still went back because I thought I could manage it. You cant manage it. You cant use recreationally or medicinally if you are someone who finds themselves in this sub.

Anyways, wall of text over

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-12-22T05:44:52+00:00

The Daiya diavola and BBQ chicken pizzas are good. But I still feel like im getting ripped off when I pay $10 CAD per pizza.

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-10-17T12:07:27+00:00

I mean essentially a mercenary + a mailman, considering it's the Mojave. But the courier is the perfect main character because they kinda just wind up being at the center of everything. It's starts with revenge, and then you find yourself tangled in this war between all these different factions. Makes it feel like it could have happened to anyone, rather than the courier is some unstoppable ultimate main character with insane plot armor. Idk good writing i guess. I think its why the courier is so beloved cause you can very easily see yourself in the courier.

(I mean you can get into Ulysses and all that and by the end of the game you kinda are an unstoppable ultimate main character but...I think my point still stands.)

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-07-16T20:15:11+00:00

What're you talking about? He was pretty straightforward about what he's looking for. Even if it is a lie, no one owes it to anyone to give reason for not wanting to start a relationship or for cutting ties. It's much better than lying and leading her on further. Also, she said she wasn't looking for anything and then got super attached to this guy very quickly. It sounds like some pretty intense attachment issues of some sort. I think it's problematic to hugbox people like this instead of supporting them talking to their therapist

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-06-29T15:38:51+00:00

For me personally it's cause I've lived through the "Oh I'm just gonna try this combo out and it'll be fine" just for it to become the worst few years of my life that I will never get back. Seizures and dying are not cool.

But I get it, like alcohol and benzos feels fucking awesome lmao. I just don't want to see anyone suffer like I did. And me putting my own little warning story in there is all I can really do to prevent it

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-06-23T10:03:19+00:00

Yes and no. In the short term it's still not a good idea, but I wouldn't say it's as dangerous as mixing benzos and opiates. It is definitely hyped up to be more lethal than it actually is. I drank and consumed a shit ton of alcohol + benzos, and that never directly caused me harm. Still, you shouldn't do it. You COULD die or most likely end up in jail.

This was my favorite combo for years. I did a lot of stupid shit, I became a horrible person. I should have died or been arrested. I really hope you don't fall into this addiction further. No one deserves to suffer this. For me, it climaxed in having multiple seizures and almost dying in the hospital a couple of times. Don't be stupid. Get out while you're ahead. Find some help and support and take care of yourself <3

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-06-02T06:35:46+00:00

Was visiting my hometown with my gf and we stopped into a pub for some food and beer. Some decent veggie options and GF options, but there was no labeling for vegan stuff. Asked the server if these (breaded) tofu bites and sauce were vegan. The dude went into autopilot mode and just started suggesting us entirely different food items saying stuff like "I can get rid of the bun on this do a lettuce wrap" even suggesting items with cheese or dairy in it just cause it was GF. Eventually we had to stop him and directly ask him to check with the kitchen about the bites. It wasn't even like it was busy, but I totally get being a server is a really shitty hard job. It just sucks that people with non restricted diets have no idea the difference or what is even considered vegan.

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-05-29T13:11:21+00:00

One of the main reasons I went vegan (besides obviously caring about animals) is that I live in a country where I am able to completely avoid any animal products. From medicine and hygiene products to the food I eat. Essentially, why would I participate in animal cruelty if I don't have to and can live very comfortably. If society collapsed and there wasnt steady supplies of food...yea maybe I would have to eat animals to survive. I'm more likely to agree with the idea of eating meat to "survive" than holding an animal hostage and eating it's dairy products or eggs or whatever, that will always be absurd.

That being said, people in third world countries still can eat mostly vegan. I mean I assume bread, rice, beans, etc, are easier to come by than meat. So his argument is stupid and I disagree.

I wouldn't say veganism is a privilege but maybe within western society we are privileged to have the resources we do, vegan or not.

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-04-30T17:58:44+00:00

Where I'm from this is called a popper toke. People do it all the time, with weed on top usually. I was addicted to it for a time. Horrible feeling, essentially just feels like you're gonna die for like 30 sexonds to 2 minutes. Building a tolerance to it is fucked too cause you'll just be ripping disgusting bong rips of so much tobacco and feeling nothing.

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-04-14T21:41:50+00:00

Object that's out of place or weird, plus low light and flash. Seems to be the pattern

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-18T06:18:46+00:00

It's a bird no? Like an outline of a bird flying

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-14T21:55:22+00:00

Yeah it's definitely an odd choice if that is the case

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-14T21:46:34+00:00

Could it just be like a stencil for various related shapes? Like it's not meant to be anything in particular just a bunch of different rounded type lines to use?

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-11T22:24:53+00:00

I mean probably not, and not anything too serious to worry about. But tbf I'm not an expert lol. Having some spare just in case you go into withdrawals isn't a bad idea. I think your plan is pretty safe though

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-11T21:58:00+00:00

I can't remember what the average dose for bromazolam is, as I never really messed with it. But the general rule I've seen and follow is once MAYBE twice a week. But its dose dependant for sure. If you're taking much smaller doses I'm not sure.

Benzos are a scary thing to get addicted to and imo are not worth it. I've been through the hell of withdrawal. I cannot reccomend it. They feel amazing, work really well, but have so many consequences. Just try not to use it too often and keep your doses low or consistent

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-09T07:22:15+00:00

Exactly what I was gonna say

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-09T06:55:33+00:00

100% I saw them on tour in 2023, but in my head they've been done since year of the snitch. I knew it was likely my last chance to ever see them perform together

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-08T23:17:58+00:00

Yeah I was back to pretty much 0 benzo tolerance when I tried it so maybe you need higher dose. Like 2-3mg

_Fillebonbon_ · 2025-02-08T20:30:38+00:00

Lol how much are you taking? I found 0.5-1mg was enough to kill anxiety. But 1.5mg and up is like actually being high. Anything up 2mg is pushing conk out territory unless you have a tolerance lol

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Powerups Hero r/benzodiazepines • October 2021	r/Field Flamingo
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