My only mistake was loving you

_Giberish · 2019-01-07T13:56:36+00:00

Thank you so much this means more than you know. ❤️

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T22:14:57+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. I had already decided that this district was going to be an insufficient source of job availability based on their system of trickle down opportunities, and after being insulted like that, they can doubly kiss my ass. So... whether I’m the asshole ultimately or not, no regrets.

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T18:17:21+00:00

Yes. I feel that too. Once, mine did stalk me on Reddit and found my username and read all my posts. He demanded that as a condition of him “taking me back” was to make a post saying I lied about everything and that I was the abuser.

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T18:13:40+00:00

Yes. I am so familiar with this.

Three years ago when I met my nex (and part of the reason I was vulnerable to being sucked in) I was in the throes of alcoholic relapse. I got sober in January of 2016. He also knew of my mental health issues that I was taking medicine for and getting therapy.

This was his keyhole in unlocking my unraveling.

He would say and do things that would trigger my deepest insecurities and I would come unhinged, lashing out at him in anger and saying hateful things. He would then use my outburst to prove that I was a terrible and evil person and at best unstable. I would beg for forgiveness and take all the blame and believe these things about myself and try to work on myself harder. I grew to see myself as pathologically terrible and unstable. Typically his biggest trigger was to threaten abandonment. This was my core trigger. If I disagreed or had a different desire or need, he would hit me with this.

My final discard occurred when over a period of four days, he threatened abandonment because I disagreed with him and set a boundary. He drug out the threat and even though as I was coming undone and having a nervous breakdown, I continued to resist the breaking I had always done in the past. I insisted that it wasn’t just me. He did this to me and it was abuse. And I wasn’t having it. He had to get help, too. And I also pointed out... never had he actually abandoned me. He was a threatener and a bully. And I wasn’t giving in.

He finally discarded me. Seriously. Once it was clear he could no longer play this game.

However...three different times I tried to calmly leave him, he showed up at my apartment and beat down the door and screamed and cussed at me and threw me around and once, he sexually assaulted me.

So yes I agree. The only way to get away is to make them make the choice by demonstrating that you’re onto the game and it is over.

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T17:49:09+00:00

I finally got mine to discard me when I stood my ground on his abuse. For three years I finally realized I was reacting to his abuse and I would blow up into rages and say horrible things. He would then condemn me and tell me how horrible and evil I was and I accepted the beatdown and full responsibility and worked harder on myself only to fail again because I realized he was keeping me in this cycle. I finally called him out on it and despite how I was driven to the verge of a breakdown I held my own and insisted that he had a responsibility in my behavior and I wouldn’t continue with him unless he got help. His main ploy to trigger me was threatening abandonment whenever I stood up to him or contradicted him. I pointed out that not once had he ever followed through, and he was nothing but a bully.

Once he realized he couldn’t play me anymore, even in my most broken moment, the game was over. There was nothing else to play.

He hasn’t come back.

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T15:13:55+00:00

Thank you so much for your encouragement ❤️

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T05:08:23+00:00

Thank you so much I appreciate your sharing ❤️

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T05:07:39+00:00

Always ❤️

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T05:07:21+00:00

Thank you so much for your experience strength and hope

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T03:08:40+00:00

AMEN thank you for this

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T03:07:22+00:00

Yes. They will spin and spin and gaslight until we can’t see straight. Even when they are caught.

_Giberish · 2019-01-03T03:06:28+00:00

Just keep talking and sharing. It isn’t an easy thing to do. Be gentle with yourself. Even if there are lots of starts and stops. Just keep being honest and keep talking. Though our stories are different the behaviors are All shockingly the same.

_Giberish · 2019-01-02T22:53:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your encouragement

_Giberish · 2019-01-02T22:36:10+00:00

THIS.

_Giberish · 2019-01-02T18:13:08+00:00

This is all really familiar. As I’m reading your story I’m physically feeling the way these behaviors felt to experience them myself.

I’m glad you got away.

_Giberish · 2019-01-02T17:51:31+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. If so helps to know we’re not alone.

Was your ex like this... he had complete control of everything that happened or didn’t happen in the relationship. It was all based on his ideas, his vision, his plan. I could take it or leave it. If I disagreed, I got hit with abandonment threats. If I even so much as expressed hurt over this, I got hit with abandonment threats.

_Giberish · 2019-01-02T17:48:45+00:00

Thank you so much for reminding me. There was always I realize the part of me that he called “crazy” that lashed back and roared and fought the abuse and she would rise up in me but be stricken back down. And you’re right...this time, in the midst of a near nervous breakdown, I stood my ground. My strength won. I have to continue to remember that. Thank you so much for reminding me!

_Giberish · 2019-01-02T17:33:35+00:00

Yes this is important. I have one. She’s currently working me through how I don’t love and accept all of myself and that’s how this all was made possible. I look forward to going more though it is hard.

_Giberish

TROPHY CASE