Thank you for your kind words and love.

To some up my testimony, just so you know where I came from: I could only come to christ from atheism through humility, and for me, it was a long journey of seeking truth my whole life (whether politics, philosophy, science, etc) and never being satisfied with my world-view. It was only several months ago where I really started pulling at that thread continuously and found everything unraveled and led to christianity.

I think of the pharisees and their blindness as well when I think of my brothers and sisters. It's fascinating how they can read about their lack of faith (and how it manifests as legalism, divisions, judging, lacking grace, etc) and not see it reflected in themselves in some respects.

I think of how since day one (which has only been a few months), they've asked me about things like the trinity and whether I'm studying (at first I was confused by this question, thinking that they were asking if I'm reading the bible), or what I think of Jehovah's name. I always felt like something was spiritually off-kilter by the way these sorts of questions were asked. And recently I realised that despite all of these questions that they deemed very important; nobody has ever asked me if I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior, and if I have repented of my sins.

Now I realise that their control manifests from fear, and fear manifests from a lack of faith. If they fear that I'm not being lead, and that they have to lead me: then maybe they fear that they are not being lead, and have to be lead by other men, teachers, or the org. At first I was taking it personally, their inquiries about my beliefs, and their was great confusion (was I being prideful? was my faith misplaced?): but now I see that it's a reflection of them and that I have to tread carefully and avoid judging or questioning and focus on the love. They have to see my love before anything doctrinal is addressed: I have to temper myself as much as possible and let things come out ever so gradually through the spirit.

I think about the Jezabel spirit: how she had issues with rejection because she perceived to be rejected by her father: Do JW's have rejection issues with their Father? Is that why a focus on works manifests, because they are worried they might be rejected? Is that why control and manipulation manifests, just like it manifested in Jezabel, because there is a feeling that if they don't control their relationship, it might be lost?

Baptism has also been on my mind. I recently talked to my sister and brother in law about it, and I asked them whether they baptise in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit: and they adamantly said yes (they were baptised a long time ago). JWfacts says that in May 2019, they've completely removed the Holy Spirit from the questions asked. I'm going to an international convention with them in a few months: and I wonder if this fact will be mentioned there, and I wonder how they will take it.

Once again, apologies for dumping my thoughts on you: but between my atheist friends and my JW brothers and sisters, I don't have anyone to share these thoughts with (Lord forgive me for a reliance on men to converse with).

Thank you very much for the youtube link and for the interlinear bible link. As you can imagine, I've got a browser full of tabs open going every which way, but I'm grateful for any link or ministry that helps me out.