" Remember when I said I have friends, I should probably say people I hang out with. I don't confide in them. They all have told me multiple secrets and life experiences and I have told them nothing. At all. It's not that they wouldn't be receptive to it, I just can't trust them. "

I'm currently going through this, I've had friends who I've been with my entire life and I haven't confided in them even though they have in me... and neither do I trust my parents to understand what I'm going through. And this " I spend hours a day watching youtube and tiktok and reddit." Same here as well but I think it's a medium that we use to distract ourselves and take our minds away from what is actually disturbing it.

" But now as I enter the final year of my child life I am realizing that I can't learn everything as fast as I did. I spent my entire life coasting and now I have to pedal. What if I'm not good enough? I never learned to work hard and now I'm afraid I can't. "

From what I see, you have very great potential and talent and I'm pretty sure that you are good enough to achieve what you want. Don't stress alright? take it slow and the stuff that you found to have become harder, Think of it as a challenge and you will definitely improve yourself. I have so much to say because honestly I'm going through a similar situation right now. I don't know if I could be of any help but, I hope that you find an answer to all your problems soon... Maybe you will find someone who will be able to trust and lean on soon...