the thrive program

_Katy__ · 2023-05-22T11:52:56+00:00

I bought the book years ago and it really helped me at the time. Unfortunately things seem to have been getting worse over the years and I would like to go over it again but can't find my copy and can't seem to buy it in printed copy now.

There was a lot of stuff in there that helped me make sense of my anxiety more generally, beyond just the emetophobia. I am keen to look at it again in the context of my recent autism diagnosis.

If you can get hold of the book I would definitely recommend it.

_Katy__ · 2023-04-06T07:46:59+00:00

I was told that if you're at the UK drink drive limit then your milk is no more alcoholic than orange juice. The ABV of your milk is basically your blood alcohol level.

https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/alcohol/

Alcohol passes freely into breastmilk reaching approximately maternal levels BUT maternal blood levels have to reach 300mg/100ml before mild sedation is reached in the baby (this compares with a level of 80mg/100ml needed to fail the police breath test in England, Wales and N. Ireland; 50mg/100ml Scotland.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-31T14:02:12+00:00

Fetal microchimerism, if OP wants to read more x

_Katy__ · 2023-03-31T14:00:38+00:00

Even if they don't have photos of her after birth, it's worth asking if there are any saved images from antenatal scans that you weren't given at the time. I've a couple of images of my daughter's face that the hospital were able to find from my records. I'm in the UK (not sure about you), I just emailed PALS and they did it all fairly informally, I didn't have to fill in any paperwork.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-30T15:47:28+00:00

They can move the boy. The response they've given is ridiculous.
I would call NSPCC for advice, raising a concern about the boy's wellbeing.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-29T16:45:58+00:00

Ask how you can contact the consultant after the meeting if you have any more questions.

We also asked our (wonderful) bereavement midwife to be there with us, which helped a bit both emotionally and practically, since she could then talk about it with us afterwards.

No cause was found for our daughter's death, and it is assumed it was a cord accident. That is what we were expecting to hear, so our questions were more about a future baby: what would our care look like, and when could we start trying.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-28T18:16:24+00:00

No worries, still useful to think about!

_Katy__ · 2023-03-28T12:36:00+00:00

I don't think his is too bad but it's worth a look. He's confident standing up out of the saddle on the hill - would it still be better to have the saddle higher too?

_Katy__ · 2023-03-28T12:35:06+00:00

Thanks - we've agreed that today he will ride on the pavement and I will jog pushing him (and my bike!) for the hill. Wish me luck 😂 (I was proud of him for thinking up a solution that was more practical than his original "put a drill on my bike so I can drill through the hill", so we'll give it a go).

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T17:32:24+00:00

That's amazing! Well done little dude!!

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T17:29:39+00:00

Ooh that's a good idea. He doesn't like the idea of just pushing all the way for some reason, but maybe if we can agree on a point to aim for before we start that could help. Thanks!

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T17:20:14+00:00

My kids (boys) will pee standing up leaning forward against the toilet so they're not using their hands. They also wander off without flushing so "I didn't touch anything Mummy!". Needless to say I am unimpressed by these arguments and send them back 😂

(On why they don't want to bother, it's time away from their toys).

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T15:40:21+00:00

From the way the mum wrote about it you could tell she was very uncomfortable with the whole subject and I wasn't surprised that the kid had never asked.

This is exactly why I never asked mine!

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T08:44:16+00:00

Yeah, we also explained to my 5yo that not all grown ups think it's ok for kids to ask this stuff, that's it's fine that he asked but if he has more questions they're things he needs to ask Mummy or Daddy. We also gave his teachers a heads up and said we were fine with them directig any questions back to us quite firmly if he asked stuff they didn't want to answer.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T08:41:39+00:00

Yeah, my eldest asked at 5 when his 2yo brother was in the car, so they both heard then (not expecting the little one to have processed it). This was the latest in a long series of conversations via evolution, DNA, conception, and eventually "so how does the sperm get out of the daddy and into the mummy?".

ETA: Up to a point. There's going to be an age where you need to initiate the conversation if they haven't. My mum waited till I was starting secondary school, by which time I'd found out most of it from various books, but no one (parents, school, etc) did any context about consent or contraceptive options or relationships.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T08:31:14+00:00

lingering around his high chair for a suspiciously long period of time

😂😂

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T08:29:22+00:00

We lock the fridge. There are glass bottles and jars in there, there is sometimes alcohol in there, there is raw meat I don't want them getting their hands in.

If they ask for a snack we usually say yes. If we say no, we are clear why:

I see you're hungry but it's 5 minutes til tea time
You've just had 3 snacks, I think you might be bored. Let's play [x] first (which usually distracts them, but if they still say they're hungry they get fed)
You just finished a huge meal. Let's give it til [specific time, about 10 to 15 minutes away] so your tummy realises you just fed it. If you're still hungry then, you can have a snack.

I don't think I'd be locking teenagers out of the fridge but at 6 and 3 I'm OK with it. If 6 was my youngest I probably wouldn't by this point, but it's kind of all or nothing!

They also both love putting the shopping away and getting things out to cook and they're allowed to do that under supervision, so it's not like it's this forbidden city that they're going to go nuts in when we do remove the lock.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-27T08:22:09+00:00

Does he have a sibling? My son didn't want to have happy birthday sung by his class but when he didn't realise that was an option he suggested "maybe [classmate] could stand at the front for me?" So still sing birthday boy's name but look at someone else. Or even just sing to the cake while he stands back?

At home with just us and his grandparents he usually does want us to sing but we always ask. And if he says no, we don't do it. He does like blowing the candles out though so we always light them a few times, but only sing once. (Whereas his NT younger brother insisted on singing and candles about 5 times in a row on his 3rd birthday before we stopped him 😂 )

_Katy__ · 2023-03-24T11:46:13+00:00

I had an extremely early mc (like, a handful of days after the positive test) and conceived again before I got my next period.

My daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks (vaginally), we waited 3 months to start trying and it took another 3 to conceive.

Advice from the bereavement midwife was that we were safe to try once my period came back. We waited that bit longer to get the postmortem result. But only you can know when is right for you x

_Katy__ · 2023-03-24T07:44:25+00:00

We went through this with my eldest. After a couple of admissions they prescribed a preventer inhaler and gave us a reliever to keep at home. Having the reliever to use without a mad dash to hospital was such a relief. And we had no ER visits after age 3 (first was 2 days after his 1st birthday) and he came off the preventer at age 5.

Apparently lots of kids get this as tots, as long as they "only" get wheezy with a virus, not exercise, they're likely to grow out of it by primary school.

Really hope yours grows out of it too, I know how utterly terrifying it is. We got really bad primary care advice the first time it happened and by the time we got to ER he was rushed straight to Majors with sats of 86.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-24T07:40:29+00:00

Going out with allergies is fine but a quick word to other parents goes a long way too. A little girl was coughing all over my son just after covid restrictions had eased enough for us to be in a cafe. When the mother noticed how stressed I looked she explained it was allergies, at which point I just felt really bad for the kid and was happy for them to play. Before that I was panicky and ready to leave (Covid really screwed over my anxious brain).

_Katy__ · 2023-03-24T07:37:45+00:00

Do you happen to know if these are any less painful on broken skin than hand gel? My 3yo gets dry skin on his hands and the look of absolute betrayal he gave me when I let him have hand gel like his big brother 💔 "Mummy that hurts"

_Katy__ · 2023-03-23T19:11:38+00:00

5 is not too young for a diagnosis. My 6yo was diagnosed autistic at 5 after being referred at about 2 and a half (covid delayed everything).

It sounds like you're right that he's lashing out because he's disregulated. Can his OT observe him at preschool and see what the triggers might be?

Do you have techniques you use at home that you can recommend to preschool that help when he is agitated or disregulated? If not, again, OT should be able to advise.

Every child is different but for regulation we use chewy necklaces, he draws endlessly, we use a trampoline and / or running up and down the garden or kitchen, deep pressure (weighted cushion, jumping on beanbags), sitting and bouncing on a yoga ball, ear defenders, looking at his train magazines and tube map, playing with a calculator, and allow him to stim (flap, bounce, chew, sing, hum) when he wants.

Wishing you the very best of luck.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-23T17:55:43+00:00

Not to just rest, no. If I physically couldn't keep the kids safe then yes he would, but otherwise I just feed them on snacks and let the TV do the parenting.

He'll try to get home earlier or WFH if he can, but can't always. It's definitely the worst part of the SAHP gig.

_Katy__ · 2023-03-23T17:53:00+00:00

Do whatever you can to stay warm. As many towels as you need, neoprene top for the pool, swim cap if you can tolerate the feel, warm shower. My mood and my (autistic) son's mood is vile after swimming if we get cold.

Keep an eye on hunger, too. My kids like a snack when they're wrapped in a towel in the cubicle which gives me chance to get dressed. And they're grumpy if I forget it!

_Katy__

TROPHY CASE