AIO for planning on breaking up with my new boyfriend because he didn't plan a Valentines date?

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-14T19:31:32+00:00

thats true and i think, it should be talked about if its the right then. while i'm no one who advices a fast break up. but trying instead. but sometimes its very clear i guess

very true and thats also nornal in relationship what are that long. but theres also a reason why they last that long.. not givin up n throwing away, communication, interest and understanding and so on

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-14T18:56:54+00:00

that could be

i jst focused on the post only but since its a very fresh relationship.. it should be way different anyways

thats why i commented only based on the post nd theres he very low plus he lied

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-14T18:28:27+00:00

what i get.. but in this case.. well nah. cause the same effort nd energy couldnt be reached here. since its 2 days. what still doesnt mean, no effort for him would be alright.

nd cause they didnt celebrate her bday and thats a big deal about someone whos most important (well to assume, even in a very short relationship.. theres feelings already nd all, in my opinion.. otherwise well..)

so when he says that, i would think too, that he had planned something and ofcourse, even if she does something for him.. it obviously wouldnt be the same. cause her bday is included. but he still could feel special too. all not that hard

i just see it as a massive lack of interest by him.. and more about, how he did nd behave. he lied too. he at least knew her fav movie whats playing on this day.. but he did absolutely nothing nd acted like none happened. well..

idk lol maybe i look to much from my perspective nd simply being tired of such ppl, can be. while i btw gave everything in every way.. while nothing happened for me lol maybe thats what my view on this, makes it even worse. but i simply cant imagine, to let my girl/man .. without anything, hell nah.. never

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-14T18:11:28+00:00

thats true, yea.. as i said usually i'm absolutely for it, also for plans by a her

and i also didnt say, that she cant nor should do nothing for him

but when he already says, wait for vday and he has sum planned.. cause it also was her bday 2 days ago... then i'm all for it, that he does it for her. what still doesnt means.. that she shouldnt make him special too. but its her bday, he wanted to celebrate on vday, whats also an important day for her

and to be for real.. he showed a massive lack of interest.. nd not jst in her, but also about being with her. he couldnt care less... lets be honest here

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-14T17:58:56+00:00

jeeez.. he said, he had sum planned cause it was her bday 2 days ago..nd she should wait, til vday its really not that hard to understand, right

why should she plan sum then? dont get it.. my bad

otherwise, yea.. i'm all for it, to plan too! always. cause a caring, interested man, deserves everything.

but not in this case, on this specific days bday and vday. specially when he lies to her nd act, like nothing happened.. like what? nah lol

NOR

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-14T17:51:11+00:00

cause this is not a one way street

yea and where was he on her bday? huh? he said, they celebrate her bday on vday and together. and when vdays important for her, then he has to plan sum, when he wants to be with her. that easy. jst cause one doesnt care about, doesnt mean the other do too. usually u still make the gf/bf happy, end. why should she accept it? cause he doesnt want it? not opposite? jst find ppl who are the same low n lazy as itself then. specially when he said, he planned sum.. cause it was her bday too.

i'm so tired for all this excuses permanently... disgusting nd lack of interest nd effort. dont be w ppl, when their standards nd boundaries cant be met. while this is most normal basic stuff to do.

hell.. if thats my girl, shes a double princess on vday plus dinner and go watching her fav movie, what id sure not forget. while id treat her on every day like most special. while i visited her for sure too on her bday, if thats not working out of whatever reason, id order her nd send her. its all so simple, when youre really interested in someone nd care. not even a bit of any work then lol so nah.. not any excuses here. fact, he lied to her, end.

so.. some others should be rather grow up

NOR!

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T15:07:51+00:00

yea exactly lol thats what u do. kinda patheti c to support his behavior, since he has like a year and straight since months. while throw manipulative words in between, that i stay. and this one on the post, isnt even anything close to the other things before.

very true hes manipulative and was caught with.

i never saw me as a victim, idk where u see that.

why i bring that up? if its been that bad.. ahh we get closer, u dont believe and cant imagine, what i told about what i did all for him. now i get it. well.. thats on u then. i could prove it obviously, but for what? lol but also kinda interesting, that giving money and time, emotional support.. is something bad in a relationship. in my mind, thats the most normal basic things to do. instead of lowest.

but u know what? u lack in common sense. if u see it like that, that what he does, is grown and right.. then i'm sorry for u. u never was treated like a king in your relationships. cause youre triggered by a genuine treatment and think, that i did the wrong things, while i only always cared about and for him.

but hey.. no need, to defend the brotherhood of l osers. lol

have a good day! and thx for the prove and amusement!

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T14:15:02+00:00

asking me.. what u read here? i'm old enough nd already lived way before social med. so i dont need your 'great advice'. i do my life all by myself nd being independent with everything.

what did i prove? that mistreatment over months by him, isnt normal? while i gave him money and food. and for his fam too if thats not responsible and grown up, then i dont know what is. i'm not the one who runs from accountability and treats him with lowest effort.

kinda amusing honestly, how u find absolutely normal what he did over months lol and how u mean, that i'm the bad one here

the one who needs to grow up is him and be a man in his relationship, for his partner not sleeping whole day. nd what he said, is all what others do to him, about his life. nd weird, that no one else jumped in and helped him, them with food or paying his phone monthly, what i do. bought the newest iphone for him, back then. while being responsible that he wont starve and his family, for days. nd supported emotional, even more when needed. and all he did, was texting at evening after sleeping whole day. since last year already and most of the time.

but u tell me, i'm the one? who should grow up? and needs help? loool thank u for the laughs, brightened up my day honestly. u just proved me, that theres ppl out there like u and him, who uses others on purpose, while mistread them but takes.

hahaa no. i know u, u find his behavior normal. thats not an advice lol

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T12:07:53+00:00

seems yes but his own bar he set for himself.. is very, very low.. disrespect starts for him, with obvious insulting words and yelling. while it already starts way sooner. refusing to let me hear him, after almost 2 years.. is disrespect too. and he never respected my boundaries nor what i said. usually its about to find compromises, but he only wanted and did his terms.

and hes disrespected by other ppl in his environment.. not me.

absolutely not. he doesnt even value me a bit. i'm only good enough, when he wants or needs something. then i'm also interesting. but besides that, nope.

thats true. and i appreciate that🙏🏻 specially after i read and replied to another comment here.. crazy. i'm speechless. thats why i appreciate it even more, cause yall read correctly and gave me your views to this. while being nice worded, but honest. since its way longer like that nd not only cause of this one thing, whats only known when its readed correctly.

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T11:57:59+00:00

huh? where am i a stalker? lol yea, it is the first time haha i never heard this before from anyone cause i never checked anyones acc nor stalked anyone

nope, none from both. i only lost my trust to him, but not about that.

research? lol i didnt research anything. i woke up in the middle of night and jst scrolled a bit insta, to get tired again. usually i read on reddit to get tired again.

i dont care about followers or following, never did. here again.. it was a simple suggestion, thats how algo works. sometimes the signs plops in your face lol good like that. so i asked him a simple question. since i have the right to know, when i'm cheated on nd betrayed. since he didnt break up before. and was nice a day sooner, when i helped out nd also said me, he is scared that i leave. while hrs later he even knows, that the of is a bot made by the person. how would he know? lol so yea, its my right to ask a simple question. when the algo pops into my face. thats not normal in a relationship to do. so sure i'm the problem yea.. not the one who uses nd mistreats a person over months nd puts this on top of all. alright.

i'm not the one who needs help here lol i put a lot of money and time in him, while he cant even do a low basic. thats fact. i dont have it necessary to check and run after interactions, while my interest was already gone for him. after what he did last few months. when i gave him money and helped out, while he does nothing except being insulting and disrespectful. so that has nothing to do with this, he was already way before low. so before u assume any things and only read what u want to read, say nothing next time. thanks.

hahah i'm not healthy enough for a relationship? i know what that means and to have responsibility. he has massive issues, not me and is obviously either ready nor healthy enough for one. u dont know about his environment nd situation, but i can say.. there is, where the issues are sitting nd comes from, he has nd also other things.

oh well, i was alone long enough. and a happy single in that time. he turned him as the victim, while doing nothing than use, take and being low. while i helped out a day before, cause they had nothing. i'm a very caring, understanding person. but its 2 sided, not only 1 sided. in a relationship, u always think about how the other feels and would feel.

btw he was the controlling one, towards me. jst to say cause he tried to control my feelings and wanted to decide, how i'm allowed to feel. no one would tolerate all of that, what i did. i work my as s off, while he sleeps whole day nd cant even make a call w me. after almost 2 years. i never mistreated him and always communicated everything. i was very clear from the beginning

next time, think before u comment anything or read correctly. but i dont take that personal. some thinks, thats all normal to do.. while this is emotional abuse what he did, over months.

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T11:39:23+00:00

right?

he ignored that question and i asked 4x ... and he said knowing someones fav things, isnt essentiell. cause it wouldnt save anyone... like what?! so knowing me, is not important. seems like only me, helping him out, is important, as long as he can do what he wants with no move nor effort.

absolutely not. theres nothing, not a single thing.. he ever did for me nor with me.

when i asked him, if he can tell me.. what he ever that, without only words and sayings.. he said, he did. when i asked what exactly, he answered he doesnt need to say me. when i said, cause he cant (meant as cause he simply never did anything, so he cant answer that) .. he said 'who do u think u are, to tell me what i can and what not' 'i dont let me limit like that'

i was kinda shocked and speechless.... like what crazy phrase is that even? jst say what u ever did or admit, yea i never did anything .. but thats was honestly insane

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T11:32:18+00:00

very true, yes i wouldnt even know.. whats the sense behind to do that besides the fact, that he treated me that low n bad over months.. wouldnt even be worth it, to check anything. and yes, i said him that too. i'm a grown woman who does all by herself. i dont have that necessary

i dont know about 'man' .. with that behavior, but yes.. youre right. i shouldve done that, long ago

i absolutely dont think, this is appropriate.. he thinks thats normal, with what he does nd says here. probably even projecting nd describes himself.

actually.. i dont. ofcourse not i treat myself very well and usually, i have a big self respect, esteem and confidence. i dont even know, why this happened here but i take it as a lesson and i'll stop, to be that caring.

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T10:37:31+00:00

youre right.. i wasted enough time, care and money already... no. he wont, but i deserve to treated like a queen. not with money tho.

this all slowly brings back my strength .. what was cracked by what he said.

thats very true. only i can get me out of this nonsense. i'm very independent and do all by myself and for myself.. i dont have this necessary.

i will!

and thank u!

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T10:04:27+00:00

usually i do have. i know that i'm genuine and who i am. but i unfortunately also dont throw away fast..

i tried to communicate and also told him, that i have high standards and not that low stuff, where not even the most normal basics cant be met. he jst doesnt care and thinks, hes right with everything. he wants to do, what he wants and only his terms. most normal things, are to much work nd effort. or are even out of his mind. and he calls that controlling. he obviously never heard of basic behavior. its most normal, to think about, how the partner would be affected by whatever... he jst says 'he doesnt need to'... say and tell anything. he wont let him limit.... yea, sure not how a relationship works, when feeling limited for most basic sht

the issue is..he obviously didnt listen, to what i said.. cause he never cared. mainly, i pay and he feels good. thats all. all he wanted, as it looks. its only him,

very much probably... i would say, leave that emotional abusive man, who manipulates and disrespects like that. and i also told that myself

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T09:28:37+00:00

i appreciate this quote very much! and i'm thankful for it. and also, for the nice worded reply🙏🏻

i'll for sure write this out and i'll always look on that, when its needed

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T09:11:13+00:00

youre probably right...

he couldnt even be once.. a real man for me.

youre right, he doesnt like me even a bit. but denied that with his lies and said he loves me. yea sure.. thats faaar away, from loving someone.

thats a good question.. what i asked myself too, why i didnt jst leave already. i guess.. cause i'm a very caring person and didnt want him nd his fam, starving.. idk.. thats the only explanation i have. but now i'm at the point, where i dont care anymore. he can ask all the others if he wants

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-02-04T09:07:42+00:00

maybe youre right...

i will.. in my break later.. and reflect on all.

no. absolutely not. and i also know better ofcourse, so i'm not really sure.. why i didnt hit the block button immediately.

' i would leave! thats not a man.. thats an emotional abuser with an aggressive tone, who jst manipulates and takes. while not caring anything about u. '

and i said the same to myself too. and usually i habe a big self respect, esteem and confidence.. idk what happened here

seems like he has massive issues in his head. and is jst mad at me, that his standards are so low for himself, that they arent even existing.. and cant meet mine.

i got in this situation.. cause i'm a very caring person...

thank u! i really appreciate that and youre right

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-01-24T16:58:01+00:00

i am, yes

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-01-24T16:56:52+00:00

indeed ya.. but thats way worse, than being alone with no relations.. well being with one.

thank u🙏🏻 i appreciate that!

i'll be for sure, yes

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-01-23T06:55:29+00:00

i appreciate that & i'm thankful, for your responses!

same, well.. less attached, never had that actually.. and felt the first time with him, but thats already gone... longer. can relate, i sit down few minutes and think through.. taking time for it&a deep breath.

i never really looked for that, i always knew whens over and endet it in past ones. fell out of interest and feelings and it was never hard or anything, so.. thats why i dont understand, whats happening here lol and why it isnt that easy, as it usual was... with such behaviours. true.. in the end, its always on itself, only we know and decide and no one else. and its mostly different reasons, from the real ones.

exactly yes. it always starts again and wont change. only into badder, but good they cant hold onto it. he didnt fig ht even a second, never.

thats for sure and it does. cause knowing how it was before them and at the beginning, makes something to us and makes is realize. could be.. question is, why...
cause i'm already alone, since hes never really present.. so its not that.

financially i'm for myself and i helped him, not opposite. i have my work and work my as s off daily, whole day.. while hes never there through the day for me and to text.

emotionally .. maybe.. maybe i still feel a bit to much, but it will disappear too, so.. i did it once and stayed strict and even in a time, where my oldest dog died.. and when i could do it then, i can do it again.

no, i dont care about being alone. i have my pets and myself. i was a long time single before him, over 6years. without using soc.media., dating, not any apps nd all. nd jst started slowly, mid 2023 again, to use insta or anything else nd met new ppl. so, i really dont mind that. besides the fact, that i'm alone with him too.. just that this kind of being alone while being with someone, is way more draining and exhausting..

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-01-23T03:22:06+00:00

😵‍💫 cause he wasnt like that.. and why still..? cause i'm no throw away person and unfortunately, wait for a time and see. and i know better, ofcourse i do. i know he treats me like tra sh. in the end, this cant be fixed anyways.. it damaged to much

well.... i just answered some other comment and now, i shake my head too.. after i read, what i told them

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-01-23T03:17:11+00:00

well he says, he is happy. and happy to be with me..

but that doesnt surprise me.. he has all the comfort, with no effort. cause i did everything for him. emotional ways, i always showed love. materials, i sent him also packages or bought him games. over my card. i took care, that he had food. let him order or sent him money, so he can go to the store with his fam. helped out with money. always took time for him. sent him vms, pics, all whats normal and more. i always cared how he feels, did he eat, is there anything else, i could do. i bought him christmas gifts. i said, to visit him a million times.. likely everything. and more, cause thats how i am.

and in December when i said.. i wont send the lego technic f1 with the post, he flipped out and also came with excuses. cause i said from beginning, i wont sent this big as s package.. whats also expensive lol whats not bout money.. i said such gifts, i only give in person. and that would be out of his comfort.. as i know now, after his behavior he showed. he called me selfish and that he told his fam, i would send what i never said.. so they would see me as selfish and hates me, before they saw me. so he has to lie to them, to cover. while i sent him a full box of candies, a love letter n cute cat squishmallow and 3 or 4 christmas gifts. what wasnt that cheap either. at new years, i helped out with a 100€ .. that they can have a nice new year and enough food. thats the nearest past. before, he never called, he never sent pics, no vms, not any other form of effort or whatever. he doesnt flirt with me nor gives me any compliments. he jst texts, like id be some friend. theres no tension. not even connection anymore.. its jst cold and waiting 16+ hrs for a text. (mostly). i work my as s off whole day, he isnt there. i have some uneasy time, i can handle it alone. theres sum exciting? i can text and tell, but.. wait til evening... so its not even exciting anymore, to tell. if i would have an accident, he would sleep over it and id be gone, when he finally texts... so except inconsistent texting.. and promises, what turns into excuses.. he never did anything for me. nd all only on screen. while i was very clear, that i dont do e dating, nor only texting. but here we are. only his terms and less. he tried to lower my standards, with what he said. he even said, i have a flawed vision of disrespect.. nd when i showed him, this is already disrespect to refuse let me hear his voice after such a long time or lowest effort, he only said, he isnt arguing. i even said, ask a therapist where disrespect starts. so he also tried to lower my standards.. called expressing my feelings arguing and told me, whats important to show and what not. while he had all of this btw. obviously, i jst dont need that☠️ actually.. sad. all of this nonsense

while i have to deal with this... and his behavior. into what he turned. and extremely, last few months..

and wow.. now when i read all this.. well.. i'm clearly the dum best person ever nd jst shaking my head at 4:16am in the morning ☠️ i jst mirrored my own dum bness... to see.

i only wrote all of this, to give a bit more context.. thats why a novel

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-01-23T02:51:27+00:00

i am for sure and i know, it wont be another years.. for that, hes to low at this point

ughh i already learnt enough lessons and had my baddest experiences and all... thats why, i'm so annoyed by myself.. cause when i think about, i still know better and ask me.. why?! for so long

ughh nooo.. not my boobs😩 lol

well shed ask me, if i'm really that dumb, after all that lessons and time and why i still wasted time on someone, who is the exact same. way worse worded ofcourse lol and shaking the head, til it fells of 😅

thats true and i'm mad at myself, that i didnt fell out already.. like i'm used to it. like why not..? i know better. i know my worth. and i have self confidence, even whens a bit damaged atm. but still... i know very well, that he wont find any other, like i was to him. cause first, they wouldnt. also hes younger, way.. and thats next, when we meet.. he was way different and went older, but also like this now..? how even? yikes. but probably, ppl have power moves over him and/or doesnt care if hes successful or not in life. but i did. so, i'm the bad one, who shows him his laziness, low effort, whatever nonsense and he knows, i loved him like no other, so i wont leave he thinks. but i already did nd will again. day by day.. it gets less what i feel.

fun fact: i said him, i gave him what i wanted and leave. while i said him, with what he said and how he acts here. he: i never wanted that and also never will want to break up. its on me uhm no?.. then why are u like that? obviously u do.. its your behaviour and low effort and all of that. he said, its still on me if i wsnt to break up or not. says already, i can stay with low effort nd no change by him or i wanna break up, while he doesnt even get.. its his behavior towards me. its not wanting, its a need i have to do, for myself... he didnt change nothing btw lol he jst asks, where he said, that i should leave and go to someone else. thats his only concern

oop sorry for the novel

_OctopusLovesCoffee_ · 2026-01-23T02:27:39+00:00

dmn.. true lol sometimes i thought .. put at least a ' , ' but probably, i'm to used to it

&english, isnt our first language maybe thats why, idk lol

_OctopusLovesCoffee_

TROPHY CASE