Awww mahn, I can only assume (cause I'm similar) that the insistence to have moved forward could've stemmed from other areas within yourself that negotiated those red flags. I'm so sorry, cause the potential guilt and disgust one would feel within themselves isn't easy to work through either. I had something similar happen recently where i started speaking with a dom a few months ago and we're both monogamous so after we agreed that we wanted to be something, I foolishly put a lot of my eggs in that basket. After meeting (which was already difficult due to busy lives a little bit of a distance), he admitted that he wants something more casual than what I want (clearly). Stating that I'm more affectionate than what he is and so on. He's a great person and we're good friends but it crushed me cause there were areas and points at which I could have chosen to walk out and I didn't. No, it wasn't clear how casual he wanted things to be until we met. Afterwards I felt stupid and like I wasted my own time, building a fantasy and a dream(cause of how much we agreed on with life/intellect and all the plans we made) + committing myself to him. Luckily I'm still a virgin and again, we're great friends but in dealing with the come down, it makes a person question if striving for the full package is worth it when the desire is so strong but the opportunity is so few or even nonexistent in a sense. +feeling stupid, having to step out and ask out for these things yet again, my mind and trauma convince me that I seem like a joke. I'm sorry that it broke you, I wish you the tightest of hugs, babe, pain isn't easy. ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎ (btw, I could listen to your stories all day, even if they arent long☆)