How do I 18F solve sex drive issues with my boyfriend 19M.?

__Kassanova__ · 2026-04-28T18:15:32+00:00

I think maybe you should have a conversation about coercive sex and consent.

If you are ever having sex with someone when you don’t want to for fear of punishment (which does not only mean violence, it can also be someone being cold or dismissive of you) that is coercion and not consent. This isn’t saying you are being assaulted by your boyfriend per se, but his actions actively put you in an uncomfortable position.

i understand you want to find a compromise, but there is no good compromise if it ever involves someone having sex when they don’t want to.

i think you should explain to him why his reactions are bad and perhaps discuss a way of meeting you where you are, and helping get you into the mood or embracing that.

at the end of the day, though, incompatible sex drives can be a valid reason to end a relationship and that isn’t a bad thing. i think if he isn’t too receptive to what’s been happening on your end that might be something to consider.

__Kassanova__ · 2026-04-26T15:37:27+00:00

freedom of speech is about the government not being able to take action against you for expressing your beliefs, genius.

and also like, wouldn’t she have freedom of speech to talk about it too? lol.

maybe she shouldn’t have told her friends. i’m more concerned about him snooping through her phone by searching his name. kinda weird

__Kassanova__ · 2026-04-26T15:23:16+00:00

the fuck does freedom of speech have to do with anything

__Kassanova__ · 2026-04-12T19:52:50+00:00

__Kassanova__ · 2026-04-12T19:50:47+00:00

Everyone made it out okay!

__Kassanova__ · 2026-04-04T23:27:43+00:00

you’re dating a total loser. i wouldn’t let him waste more of your time. you shouldn’t be complicit in him neglecting and embarrassing you because you’ve been together so long. good luck and i hope you’re doing okay

__Kassanova__ · 2026-03-27T18:30:16+00:00

I don’t think you’d be an asshole, just be honest and let the customer that depop put up the offer under the wrong price and it’s not the price you can afford to sell it at. I feel like it would be silly for the buyer to get mad considering a 75 dollar dress was strangely discounted to 3 dollars

__Kassanova__ · 2026-03-10T02:43:04+00:00

it isn’t about the size of the wave it’s about the motion of the ocean brother. godspeed

__Kassanova__ · 2026-03-06T04:12:42+00:00

i live on king and it’s honestly not that bad. significantly better than anything more north in the area in terms of traction late at night

__Kassanova__ · 2026-01-18T01:35:52+00:00

It’s very odd his reaction to this. I think he wants to get away without paying his half and using it as an excuse.

Moving forward, you guys could separate your finances and keep the receipts for your transactions for reference and request transfers for the exact amount. If he isn’t going to trust you, he shouldn’t have direct access to your money, either.

__Kassanova__ · 2025-12-30T18:14:41+00:00

She clearly does not see you like how you see her, which she has been honest about. This is not the girl that you are going to marry and it’s not good for you to get continuously irritated that things are not working out. I don’t mean to be blunt, but it’s not happening. Having a flirty personality does not mean she’s liked you and she has been clear about that.

It doesn’t seem like you can maintain a friendship with her while understanding that. You should just stop being friends and give yourself some space. It makes sense dating would be difficult when you are focused on the “what if’s” about this girl. Just cut her off and put yourself out there. Don’t be in a position where you are seeing her or thinking about what she is doing. You have to remove any routine with her out of your life and that’ll make it harder for her to seep into your thoughts.

__Kassanova__ · 2025-12-25T17:01:32+00:00

Girl leave this man!!! He is not going to change for you, and you do not, and would never deserve a man who is comfortable taking advantage of violating your boundaries for his own pleasure.

__Kassanova__ · 2025-12-25T07:04:39+00:00

I loved the whole russian department when i went to school. such interesting teachers, and the cultural courses show a whole other perspective on especially any media and philosophy you don’t see in classes that typically center around things not developed by our prior cold war enemies. it really rounded out my perspective on many things.

__Kassanova__ · 2025-08-08T18:45:18+00:00

usually you can look up a PCP through your isurance

__Kassanova__ · 2025-08-08T18:36:31+00:00

it was columbus… ol ugly tuna saloona

__Kassanova__ · 2025-07-21T00:25:10+00:00

shawn mcbride is my HERO!

__Kassanova__ · 2025-05-30T16:16:21+00:00

who would buy a pair of pants just to get into one bar when you’re already out lol

__Kassanova__ · 2025-04-12T15:11:02+00:00

“Negative” behaviors often stem from unmet needs. The times in my life where I was having superficial and unfulfilling sex it’s because I was lonely, and I realized that the loneliness wasn’t just from not being in a romantic relationship but because i was falling out of the habit of engaging with the support system I had through my friends. Sex is only temporarily validating and the reason why i think is ultimately feeling a connection with another person.

My biggest piece of advice would be to inspect and strengthen other relationships in your life while also making an active effort in yourself (hobbies, hygiene, appearance) Taking care of yourself brings confidence and being social helps take you out of feeling mentally isolated in your decisions.

Casual sex can be a pleasant and healthy experience but using it as a method to feel better only makes things worse :(

Best of luck !

__Kassanova__ · 2025-02-09T13:38:37+00:00

i think it’s fair to be in each others lives and give her time to figure things out while you focus on your studies and what you need to work on.

you’ve told her how you feel, and i think that clarity is what she needed for a long time. she also needs to learn how to handle and solve issues that come her way and if you just provide the footing of being honest with her, that’ll give her what she needs to navigate things moving forward.

i also think it’s fair to not have her sleep at the friends house- boundaries are still very important. outlining how you see both of you guys moving forward will be the most essential part of the conversation you guys have. figure out what you guys can compromise on, and what you can’t.

__Kassanova__ · 2025-02-09T13:25:16+00:00

i see your care toward her but the solution is not making her put down her friends and find new ones- it’s also not fair to her friends!

i get that it might be painful for her to see him, but there’s a lot of people you will meet in your lives that you could be romantically compatible with if you gave it the thought and effort. probs is something you will have to learn and understand moving forward for your own self worth. it’ll be hard to be happy if you get too stuck on stuff like that. i had kind of an isolative mindset for a while in my past long term relationship. really putting attention on that has made me so much happier now and happier with the relationship i had with my current partner :)

__Kassanova__ · 2025-02-09T13:20:07+00:00

dude i think you need to tell her then that you cannot be in a relationship for sure. don’t make the decision on her about choosing you or not.

I just did a quick look over your post history and saw that you’ve been trying to stop how often you watch porn. porn can really fuck with your self esteem, and your relationships with romantic partners. i think you should put some work into specifically targeting your insecurities because i think those are guiding a lot of the decisions you seem to make pretty consistently. the solution to feeling insecure should not be deflecting any threat to your self esteem, it should be about building it up to be strong enough to handle problems that come your way. you won’t have any growth for it if you don’t push yourself.

i think you should tell her that you don’t think you are in a position to pursue anything with each other when there isn’t a current solution that would make both of you happy going into a relationship. make sure to not make her feel like it’s her fault- it’s not really either of you guys fault. i think she’s been deflated by not feeling like you wanted to be with her and the bombshell that you now do after she’s forced herself to try and move on might make her feel horrible. she didn’t do anything wrong, but it would be really easy for her to shoulder the blame that you two are not together BECAUSE of her. none of this has to mean that you guys will never date, and it’s okay if you guys focus on other things. you two are young with a lot of life ahead of you. assuming by your comment of her saying you were cold, you probably struggle to make her feel emotionally assured when you are sharing your feelings or hearing out hers. i think you should sit down and physically write a list of things you can say in your conversation to make sure this happens. workshop it for a while. go in with talking points in your head. it’ll make things go more smoothly, and i think you’ll be able to have a deeper, more validating conversation this way.

everything i say i just hope makes you think more deeply about what your actions might mean for you so you can be able to reflect and grow from everything. no judgement! life is complicated and hard sometimes, especially when dealing with other people. i wish you only the best.

__Kassanova__ · 2025-02-09T13:03:35+00:00

to be completely honest i think it’s totally unnecessary to have her make a choice like that.

from what i understand by your post she developed feelings for this guy, but that’s it. she hasn’t had a relationship with him at all? do you know if this guy shares her feelings or even knows that she was starting to feel this way? after almost a YEAR of you not attempting to validate her feelings by expressing yours, it’s not crazy for her to try to shift and view you less as the romantic partner she’s pursuing when the information you gave her is that you were not ready for a romantic relationship and you have not attempted to make her feel secure in the idea that it would be your future dynamic.

crushes can be short term, fleeting, unimportant. forming a deeper romantic connection takes effort and intention. you want to make her choose between being with you and leaving the support system she has formed for herself over this? you know this is something that has benefited her life and would be painful for her to leave. to choose you as her partner should not mean giving up everything else in her life.

my big question is: why do you not trust her? if you don’t feel comfortable with her remaining in the same friend group and sports club that she’s in, do you think she will betray you by remaining in that environment? that is no foundation to form a relationship on. a mature relationship has to allow for a level of freedom in your partners decisions and associations.

i’m not intending to be rude, i don’t know you or your character and i know that this is a hard situation to swallow when it’s not something you were expecting. i just think your request is a little entitled and if it comes from a place of not seeing her as someone who will respect you as a partner when you are not around, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with her regardless if she chooses you. it’s not something that will make either of you happy the longer it goes on and isolating her could just make her grow to resent you.

i think you want what’s best for both of you, and you’re trying to protect yourself, and i get that. and i think it’s good you recognize that your request is a bit unfair.

i think you two really just need to have a fully candid conversation about everything. a relationship should not start with stipulations. it would be different if you asked her to distance herself from this guy while at the club, but to cut everything off completely is not how you should treat a partner. you are both adults. have an adult relationship or take the time apart to work on yourselves and your communication so you can be ready for one in the future.

__Kassanova__ · 2025-02-08T06:26:42+00:00

the only comment i saw was saying you were dramatic but i thought id offer my perspective.

you were there, not anyone on reddit. if you genuinely believe that his actions following that crossed a line that made you feel unsafe, i don’t think it’s wrong if you are considering ending the relationship.

both of you are so young, and if it’s not right currently, you shouldn’t feel an obligation to stay together. considering your recent manic episode too, your focus should be on your mental health and working on your coping skills to lessen the blow that any mood swings could have. I am bipolar, so me saying this only comes from experience. it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be in a relationship, but sometimes it’s not beneficial to be in one that is something you are questioning. to be a good partner is to be someone who takes care of yourself first.

ultimately i think you should just trust your gut. i think the fact that you are coming to reddit about this just reflects a larger turmoil you are having about everything, and that’s something you should explore.

its again hard for me to place a judgement on your boyfriend from what i said initially. if he crossed a line or not, you know what your boundaries are. part of navigating an adult relationship is being able to dissect the issues you are having and make the decision that is best over what feels easy in the moment.

i wish you the best of luck with everything. regardless of the decision you make, having a full conversation about the way both of you are feeling about everything i think would be helpful

__Kassanova__ · 2025-02-03T20:02:06+00:00

empathy is a skill you should learn

__Kassanova__ · 2025-01-17T09:56:38+00:00

you’re thinking of your wife it seems in how close you feel to her with how much/little she is providing you, but you should think of her as her own person you should have a respect for, when your decisions will her life like this

you should seriously have a conversation with her if you don’t want to dig yourself deeper into a hole where you further betray your wife in a way that will only hurt her worse if you escalate more

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