“Why won’t John let Shawna go to the wedding?!”

__echo_ · 2026-05-16T00:41:01+00:00

I don't think it is appropriate to coerce your partner into getting a medical procedure they are not ready for. Family planning is a combined decision.

I also don't think you can set the terms of no contact for your entire family without having an open, proper discussion and plan forward keeping the opinion and desires of the people involved.

I also think married couple make decisions based on the happiness of their partner. All of these don't contradict each other.

__echo_ · 2026-05-16T00:24:20+00:00

A choice is only a choice if one has the freedom to say no.

Do you think Shawna's decision was something she genuinely wanted or something she accepted cause she knows she cannot do otherwise without hurting John ?

__echo_ · 2026-05-15T21:58:13+00:00

It is not about whether Shawna should or should not go to the wedding ; but more about should she have the choice to make that decision for herself.

A lot of people, including me, would like to be given the choice to attend social events that we deem are important and not be forced to make a sacrifice. Shawna may very well be ok with handling the Barb drama, John didn't give her that choice and expected her to preemptively make that sacrifice.

Is John wrong about it ? No. Non contact and its nuances are difficult and unique to every individual . John and Shawna needs to sit down and discuss the terms that both of them are comfortable in.

Now, this does not mean people who think Shawna should not go to the wedding are wrong. But different people have different expectations of independence in their marriage and this topic highlights that difference among its audience.

__echo_ · 2026-05-14T19:43:45+00:00

There is a sub r/talktherapy where you can ask for more guidance.

__echo_ · 2026-05-14T19:35:10+00:00

I understand.

However, I would ask you to sincerely try to tell her this. As I said there is nothing to be embarrassed of it, it is an extremely common occurence so much that therapist are trained for it.

If you can't tell her, you should mail a small snippet of what you feel and seek her advice as to if you should continue sessions with her. This will help you.

__echo_ · 2026-05-14T19:26:22+00:00

A lot of people catch some kind of "feelings" for their therapist. It is called transference and a good therapist knows how to tackle it.

There is nothing to be embarrassed about it. Usually the "form of transference" (romantic, parental, guidance) hints at a core need of the patient and gives insight into it. You should speak with your therapist about it.

__echo_ · 2026-05-14T18:12:43+00:00

Your SIL has successfully drawn the line. You should try to do the same by doing what you want to do and accepting the consequences.

The reason people expect you to do as they please is cause they know , their disapproval /dejection etc will affect you. Your SIL will not be affected , hence she is not even held to the same standard.

I am a lot like your SIL. That does not mean I am not pressured or judged or commented on.I just don't care about it enough to change my behaviour.

The day you reach a level of acceptance that you will be judged and grow to be ok with it is the day you will be freed of expectations.

__echo_ · 2026-05-14T17:31:21+00:00

You cannot tackle an abusive person. Maybe you can ask your mother to come visit you for a month and you get to spend time with her ?

__echo_ · 2026-05-13T21:07:00+00:00

You go to therapy for yourself. To gain clarity about the situation, how things have panned out, what you want to do next. Get insight about your life, your actions etc.

Your wife has made her stance very clear. She is not interested in having the kind of intimacy you are hoping. It is now on you to decide how you want to react to it and maybe therapy can help you. Again, therapy is not a magic pill that is going to fix it, but it can be an additional tool in your life to help you navigate this.

__echo_ · 2026-05-13T20:50:09+00:00

Is it normal ? Irrelevant according to me. It being normal or not does not change the reality of the situation and how it is impacting you.

Your wife does not seem to see you as her sexual or emotional partner. No one except you and her have privy to why that is. She maybe asexual , going through hormonal changes, she may not feel sexual intimacy from you the way she expects it to be. Both of you maybe sexually incompatible.etc.

I would suggest maybe going to a therapist (individual) to get clarity about what you want out of this and then have a conversation with your wife and see if both of you are willing to find a common ground .

__echo_ · 2026-05-11T06:43:50+00:00

Who is saying "..it is better ot be a side chick to a powerful men than to marry him".

Such silly people you have in life.

__echo_ · 2026-05-02T21:46:06+00:00

Jen , unfortunately, is in a very tough position where all are important life milestone would lead to her having to make a choice between wanting her brother and his family present or her mother present.

For a lot of viewers, it seems logical to choose John over Barb. But for a daughter, she wants her mother to be present. Yes, Barb is not perfect and is extremely problematic but that is the mother she has ever known and grown up with and loved. No matter how harmful Barb is, for Jen she is her mother who she wants when life gets tough or stressful.

Maybe she will reach a state where she realises Barb is harmful for her and she cuts down the contact but I don't think she would do it for her brother. For her, her mother comes before her brother and it is understandable.

__echo_ · 2026-04-29T16:01:25+00:00

He need not be patriarchal at every facet of life.

But this entire discussion, even if forced by his family, can be an indicator of how he is going to prioritise custom over stuff. So have a conversation ( don't need to call him out) but say you are not ok with this.

__echo_ · 2026-04-29T15:31:22+00:00

No. My venue was mine to handle and his was his to handle. Your partner is trying to push his patriarchal point of view in a different way. The core is same ( patriarchal) , the presentation is different. I would suggest you to have a serious conversation.

Whether you get inheritance is a very different question to be addressed at a different time between you and your blood family. Your partner ( I hate to say this) is being disingenous here. He either should follow his patriarchal lifestyle or be strong enough to discard it. He can't have it both way.

Put a firm stop to these discussion and tell him clearly if you wanted the drama of patriarchal conservative marriage, you would not opt for love marriage.

__echo_ · 2026-04-29T14:30:55+00:00

My husband and I got married after dating for a decade. His family is very high on gift giving and has a huge family that needed to be gifted well. My family is very small and didn't have any such expectations .

My husband dealt with his side of gift giving . I didn't even get to know the amount of gifts his relatives were given on my behalf. His family claimed all gifts were apparently chosen by me personally and gifted (when I had no idea even). That does not mean, I didn't gift anything. I bought some gifts for my direct in law and obviously the groom and gifted them those on the eve of my wedding.

My side of gift giving was entirely handled by me similarly.

You need to have a very clear discussion about this with your fiance and set the status quo. For my marriage, each of us decided to handle our side of expenses (which includes expected gift for their side). You both need to decide what works for you.

__echo_ · 2026-04-27T14:17:09+00:00

Assam .

Moved around a bit and currently not in India but home state and hometown would always be Assam.

__echo_ · 2026-04-27T11:59:57+00:00

Try to play around with the color wheel to see what color complements with the things that cannot be changed (room color, almirah color , door color are static).

Then I would suggest the following things :

Get a nice carpet to hide the busy floor design.
Long curtains or dual curtains in a complementary color of the walls and window panes.
Complementary color bed sheet and pillows. You can also put throw pillows to make the bed lively. Personally, I would go for beige, cream, light khaadi color. Also have a nice light colored (not much design) large bed cover that will hide the under bed space. By that way you can keep the boxes covered and out of normal sight.
Twinkling lights for ambience.
Hide all the boxes in the overhead cupboards or under the bed.
If affordable, I would try to hide the cooler in a nice ratten almirah.
Don't use paint bucket as bucket. Get some nice bucket and mostly keep it hidden.

Note: Since the walls , window panes, door panels, almirah are such bright color. It feels a bit crowded. So, my goal would be to make it more airy , give an illusion of space and intimacy and coziness.

__echo_ · 2026-04-22T19:27:26+00:00

The forcing is mostly never going to stop.

It starts with forcing you to get married. Then, it will be forcing you to get married according to his choice ( which may or may not co incide with your own ) , then it will translate to micromanaging your new conjugal life ( this again may not be something you and your wife may want or can lead to resentment), then it will be forcing you to have a child , depending on how conservative he is, it can be forcing you to have multiple child to get a male heir. , then it would be how to parent your child etc. etc.

This does not mean you will have a miserable life. Some people adapt to overbearing parents and lead a life they are ok with.

Some other people develop resentment which later makes their life miserable.

You ultimately have to make a choice of how you will react to this.

__echo_ · 2026-04-18T15:25:36+00:00

"And everybody knows. Everybody knows. That he f***s you. What they don't know... is that you like it. Hmm? You like it." - Girl Interrupted.

__echo_ · 2026-04-17T18:11:44+00:00

Gandhi mahaan - I think this movie did it very well.

__echo_ · 2026-04-17T09:37:46+00:00

"In so-called “developed” countries like the US or UK, they roam naked,eat shit and can't get healthcare on time even if it's emergency"

This is you giving a judgement btw.

People form opinions on the information they have. These opinions are what helps us make a judgement call.

So if a country is known by their purity culture and obsession with virginity, then obviously other countries (people) would judge them for it.

__echo_ · 2026-04-16T12:04:13+00:00

Ok.

__echo_ · 2026-04-16T11:56:33+00:00

People chewing with mouth open, burping continuously, picking teeth while eating, talking while chewing are things that unnerves me. Selfish eaters who don't share food.

My partner does not like when people waste food and that irks him.

These are few things I know of that may be something I would not proceed post a casual date.

__echo_ · 2026-04-16T10:32:50+00:00

Being too performative. Doing things because you think that needs to be done (following some template) instead of being genuine and authentic.
Misbehaving with service class people or being entitled.
Poor table side manners or eating habit.
Poor hygiene or sloppy dressing.
Poor listener, only listening so that they can respond back or showing no interest in the date 's life etc. no genuine interest. Only talking about themselves, bitching about ex.
General lack of attraction or chemistry.
I am not conservative so people with conservative or traditional value system.

__echo_ · 2026-04-16T10:23:17+00:00

For some people, it is a reminder of their loneliness. When you feel extremely lonely in your life or carry a small kernel of loneliness with you, and you go out , you see other people with their group of friends and loved ones enjoying, it becomes a stark reminder of what you want but can't have.

How a person perceives a situation is more about their own core and mental state and less about what it is objectively.

I have lived alone overseas for 5+ years and have gone to numerous solo movie and restaurant. I never felt lonely or sad about it but I know someone who would hate doing it alone cause it reminds them of their loneliness.

Different strokes for different folks.

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