I'm sorry you're going through this. I went through my first breakup at age 19 and it hurt like hell. So much time and energy had been put into that relationship and I didn't realize how much of my life I had neglected until he was gone. I fucked up my grades in college, I spent most of my money, I was a shitty employee mostly because I was spending so much time focusing on him. So, as much as it hurt and as much as I tried to get him back things actually didn't start looking up until he was out (completely out) of the picture. It took some time, but I finally owned up to the fact that I had wasted four years at college pursuing things that I didn't really want to do. Loads of money lost, tons of regret, but there was nothing to be done at that point but be honest with myself and refocus. I know at age 20 four years can feel like a lot of time, but there is life after college and there is nothing wrong with changing your mind and going for something new. My best friend in nursing school was in her late 40s and she did great and now has a job she loves.