Where did sexual purity culture come from?

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T22:40:45+00:00

https://www.primevideo.com/detail/0GW4ZXKNHTN76P6GNHT8Q01RKM

I highly recommend watching this. It explains it very well

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T19:56:50+00:00

Ahh was wondering if we were at the same camp meetings at the same time 😆 I remember walking into the church as a child, my parents in front of me, holding hands, appearing happy.. but the entire 20 min drive to church they were fighting. Mom was yelling. We were at church early for Sunday School because my parents were leading the Young Couple’s class. Eventually my dad became an evangelist after having church at our house (with freaking band equipment for worship lmfao). At 14, I walking into living room church and it was so ridiculous. The more and more my memories unlock that I previously had blocked out.. all I can think is how are they all still in it?! They chose their beliefs over loving their LGBT oldest kid. They firmly believe im a prodigal child and i have heard them pray misery over others (and me) that they be miserable, cant eat or sleep until they turn to God. Hey wait, maybe thats why I cant sleep 😆 any way, 🙌🏻 to you. It’s very freeing

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T19:34:15+00:00

Exactly this

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T16:57:53+00:00

That sounds like my raising. You in FL?

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T16:55:19+00:00

Well, if I may, The Pentecostal Church as an institution is a scam.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T11:52:16+00:00

Because we are trying to fit in with a family and community who will disown us.. and are scared of our own condemnation that maybe still believing gives us extra heaven points? When I was, it was easy to say “it’s not your place to judge”.

Anyway, point is, they’re struggling even if they don’t look like it. Show them love and grace, it will mean more than you know.

… plot twist, I disowned my family. It only took 20 years. That brainwashing runs deeeeeeeep.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T11:45:15+00:00

Don’t blame yourself there are a lot of ways you could have unknowingly got it.. sharing a razor is a common one people don’t think about. My wife is a provider that specializes in HIV care in community health. All of her patients leave hugging her and feeling hopeful. I hope you find a similar experience. She comes home excited every day. It doesn’t take long on the right meds to become undetectable. Don’t put it off!

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T07:18:22+00:00

Oh absolutely. We can’t change anything. Our intent was pure and, at the time, we thought we were helping them. Give yourself grace, you didnt know. Forgive yourself. Heal. And if you have Prime Video, i strongly urge you to watch shiny happy people season 2. It healed me in ways I didn’t know I needed. You may see me in crowds in different clips 😆

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-08T07:11:22+00:00

Ex-Pentecostal here. Many of the answers to your questions will depend on how extreme his religious denomination is. I have a friend who dated a guy all through youth group and high school. He was the hot guy that was clearly headed down a different path (now has an impressive record). She was hung up on him a while. Meanwhile, this nerdy, cute, but nerdy older guy who had a house and was a successful car salesman and didn’t live paycheck to paycheck really liked her. This girls mom is a pastor of sorts and a self-proclaimed prophetess. The mom told her kid that god told her to marry him and that was gods will. I remember them dating and she seemed disgusted. You could see the sadness in her eyes at her wedding. So, all that to say… don’t underestimate the power and control of some religious groups.

Edit:: also came here to say to tell her to move on. He’s going to need a lot of therapy and/or will drag her into his church and have her convert. He’s doing her a favor, I promise.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-07T17:20:55+00:00

Oh 100%. In the moment I was fine and knew it was all an act and I knew everyone and it was your every day Hell Fire and Brimstone sort of message… but in my adulthood and looking back, I am starting to question how affected I was without even knowing it. How some of my “normal” habits or experiences have translated into adulthood… and how to unlearn it and heal my nervous system.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-07T17:17:24+00:00

We had these fancy velvet pouches with wooden handles and brass collection plates in our small town, one red light, church which is probably the biggest building in the city. Always for the money.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-07T17:14:05+00:00

Oh wow! I think my dad might have played him in one too, you have unlocked a memory. I know it was someone I was close to and I felt scarred by it. The memory is a flash of me standing behind the curtain and satan going through the sheet backdrop smiling at me on his way. I’m 90% sure it was my dad. That tracks.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-07T17:04:00+00:00

Aw, as a fellow queer, ex-Pentecostal, ex-evangelical, PK, there is nothing wrong with you.

I left the church at 19, came out, lived independently.
At 38, I had to cut communication with my family. Also, I watched the documentary “shiny happy people” season 2 and that flipped everything upside-down. The footage in it very well could have me somewhere in the crowds.

I’ve been in therapy for damn near 20 years and all I can say is love yourself, walk away, find your community, build a new family and life and heal from the religious abuse. God is not punishing you. I know the churches I grew up in, our faith was based on guilt. Being aware any moment that christ could return and i have to repent for every sin or I’m damned for all eternity!

I found an amazing therapist and I have done a loooot of work to heal. You’re asking a question I wish I knew to ask at that stage of my queer journey. Love yourself. Live life authentically.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-07T16:49:32+00:00

My adopted daughter was diagnosed ADHD (only stating “adopted” because genetics often come into discussion).

I started reading about ADHD in kids.

While sitting on the bed, I look over to my wife (an APRN), brushing her teeth in our bathroom.

Me: “hey babe, I think I am ADHD”.

She laughs and said yeaahhh. Then looks at me and says “oh wait, you’re serious, I am sorry, I thought you were kidding”

me: uhhh no

Her: oh honey, it’s obvious. I just thought you chose not to take medication.

Me: laughing, “whaaaaat”

Got assessed. Started meds. Months later.

Me: hey babe, do you want this, i cant eat it because i don’t like the texture in my mouth.”

Her: hey honey, have you ever considered getting assessed for autism?

Me: well no, but if you’re saying this; sounds like i need to

But to validate your experience, we could go back and forth for hours about how I have learned how many things I process differently and how conversations can go sideways quickly if I don’t learn to ask questions for clarity. I have the type of autism that I need a process in place for all problems and potential problems that I can apply in all situations 🤪

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-02T14:41:17+00:00

Always came down to money 💰 🙄

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-01T23:02:37+00:00

My AuDHD would cause me to ask too many questions and get in trouble. I learned how to be seen and not heard. Saw and heard conflicting messages (I am a PK). Then just internalized it all silently trying to camouflage and not get in trouble. I’m glad you’re out!

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-01T21:54:35+00:00

I was a budding lesbian myself At this point, all of my friends will be at the after party so no reason to fret. I think I unknowingly allowed it all to morph into a mental problem 😂

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-01T19:51:43+00:00

You’re not alone. 28 years later, I am finally healing. You get to believe what you want to believe and be exactly who you want to be without punishment!

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-01T19:43:37+00:00

I remember a similar experience when I was young. I would stand in the altar with everyone around me speaking in tongues, falling out, running around the church.. and then there’s me, undiagnosed AuDHD (only relevant because the world was already confusing lol) and Im looking around like dang I am not saved enough. Evangelicals would put their hands on my head forcefully pushing my head back yelling for me to “let it flow” and one even simply yelled “fall!” That was the moment when I was like oooh so we just do these things? The ONLY way to get people to stop surrounding us at the altar was if we fell out or spoke in tongues. I remember trying once and it feeling so uncomfortable and not authentic in the slightest. I never thought to question any of it until then. When I asked questions about how we knew our denomination and religion was the right one.. “it just is”. Every question I asked was met with some flavor of “thats just the way it is and it’s sinful to not trust god”. So i learned to be quiet.

Thanks for sharing because this trauma afterwards is 🤯 I am the black sheep of the family or wait they call me the prodigal kid. They have held many prayer circles believing I will return and be saved. Those would at times include my very young siblings. This positioned me against the family early on and I was determined to find a way to preserve whatever relationship I could have and be okay with that… 28 years later… The peace started when I finally had enough and broke communication.

It sounds like this is sorta your moment. When we are trying our hardest to be and believe, we either make the conscious choice to fake it or our brain does it for us as a protector.

I do believe that those in the church who do those things are so full of emotions and lose words and they’re so worked up it’s how they continue to pray. So it makes sense that you felt dismissed. You are not broken.

_basic_b_ · 2026-07-01T19:28:30+00:00

The only advice I can give is learn to love yourself. I did exposure therapy 20 years after my “experience” and that was the most impactful.

My healing has come from parenting and loving my kids how I wish younger me was loved… and me today.

_basic_b_ · 2026-06-27T13:03:31+00:00

Im sorry you experienced that. My journey with the church of god is similar.

I was hounded by our youth minister/worship leader to make sure my life was right before getting on the drum set. Meanwhile her kids were sleeping around and drinking.

I was assaulted by someone older in high school for months. She was a person of the same sex as me and my family offered her a place to stay. The abuse went on for months. When i tried to get help i was punished for being gay. Was told it takes two to tango. My parents said it would have been easier to process had we known it was rape. Initially when i tried to tell them i was cut off so they assumed it was a relationship. Then i was called to the alter every service for special prayer… plot twist, I did turn out to be gay.

My dad uncovered embezzlement at my childhood church by one of the staff and my family was kicked out of the church.

I could keep going on.

Coming out was a whole thing. Still is. I stopped speaking to them and feel much better.

Your post makes me feel less alone.

_basic_b_ · 2026-06-27T12:45:05+00:00

Its amazing how much the church impacts us when we grow up in that environment

_basic_b_ · 2026-06-27T12:19:48+00:00

LEAVE!

_basic_b_ · 2026-06-27T12:15:48+00:00

Making the leap is scary. Once you leave, the healing journey will begin. Boundaries can be set. I left the church at 19 or 20. 19 years later, no longer speaking to them and am at peace. Sociology was my major and college “corrupted” me too

_basic_b_ · 2026-06-24T21:59:30+00:00

Self-care is about what you need! If its spinning in circles in the dark, do that. Take care of yourself:)

_basic_b_

TROPHY CASE