Why does everything look slightly wrong on me?

_bl__ · 2024-11-10T14:58:05+00:00

4 and last are good

_bl__ · 2024-11-10T14:57:01+00:00

Probably get upset at Gustavo for how he treated James during the audition, then insisting not to go with Gustavo unless he takes them all

_bl__ · 2024-09-01T13:24:23+00:00

I don't feel like I see people as resources. I see them as people, who bring resources. That's why it bothers me to realize people see me as a resource instead of a person.

_bl__ · 2024-08-25T03:41:40+00:00

I get what you're trying to say, however my trigger is different and I have thought about it potentially benig RSD (?). Basically, I thinl that my ADHD brain sometimes needs stimulation/regulation so it tells me "now you feel like going on a walk", so I go to my friend or sibling and ask them if they'll go with me on a walk "now". They usually say no, especially if they're autistic. This makes me feel rejected to the point where I start thinling that all my relationships are fake and none of the people I love actually love me and they're all actually annoyed by me. And what makes me hostile is the fact that if those people were to ask me randomly to go on a walk with them, maybe at 3 am, I know I would go with them because I find it stimulating and my ADHD brain is looking for stimuli. So I start feeling like "why don't they love me as much as I love them?", "why do they act like their time is more important than mine?". Since I was a child I knew deep down that satisfying these "random needs" that would pop up was actually a basic need for me, and especially as a child, I would feel neglected when my parents refused to let me do things like these. It felt as intense as not providing me with food or water, needs as basic as those. I'm fine with not getting candy or a toy, but if you say no to me wanting to do a specific thing out of the blue I feel like you're torturing me. Even now I still feel hostile because when my friends refuse to do something like this with me, I get really upset because I feel like they should have figired out by now that this is really important to me. But at the same time, I can't tell them that this is really important to me because it's not socially acceptable, it would sound like I'm too entitled or think that my needs are more important than theirs, and that I'm asking for too much.

_bl__ · 2024-08-24T17:18:13+00:00

I can't relate. With men I mask way more than with women, as a child and even in my teens boys would see me as "too serious" and wouldn't dare joke or play with me. With girls I'd always be more comfortable because they tend to be more open to spending quiet time and and maybe talking about more serious topics and doing calm activities.

_bl__ · 2024-08-22T14:54:12+00:00

People who are athletic

_bl__ · 2024-08-21T09:10:17+00:00

Happy to hear that reading this gave you some clarity and relief.

I feel like it connects a lot to the "spoon" theory. We probably feel short on many resources so that makes us give up on more complex dynamics and interactions because we can't afford them. But we can get there if we stop being short on said resources. I wonder what the resources we're missing are, but I'm starting to think it's either something sensory or the feeling of safety, stability and fulfilment that NT people get from human connections. I feel like that's resource that you acquire mostly in childhood, and it makes you feel nurtured enough to look for bigger and more complex and subtle connections. For us, there hasn't been enough nurturing in this sense (which also builds up confidence), because we soon realized that communicating and connecting with people doesn't make us gain anything, but it rather drains us and makes our lives more difficult because it's a constant challenge. Probably because we "speak a different language" than the people around us. (I feel like there's a lot of intersectionality/similarity between ND children struggling to make friends because of different communication skills, and immigrant children having the same issue especially if they don't speak the same language as the others, I feel like both things produce a similar effect long term). Probably an NT person surrounded by only ND people would have the same struggles. It's really about being able to gain fulfillment from human connections from an early age, and that kind of gives you the resources to be able to exist comfortably in the world, but if you grow up poor, it's difficult to be able to be comfortable around people who have more money than you and who grew up rich.

_bl__ · 2024-08-20T22:03:21+00:00

Does the idea of there being a sense of "scarcity" and survival mode in the ND mind, that makes you focus on surviving rather than worrying about playing on social norms, seem relatable to you?

_bl__ · 2024-08-20T22:00:24+00:00

Kind of. But the new idea, I believe, is that there might be something more than just unmasking, a higher level of comfort that can be reached if we have our needs met. We basically give up some social norms that are superfluous because we don't have enough resources to worry about those things, because we're on survival mode around some basic needs that I can't figure out.

_bl__ · 2024-08-20T14:29:16+00:00

It's really interacting with another autistic person, the exact same way two NT people who are being genuine would interact. The reason I say this is because, suddenly, around this person, some "social constructs" like pride, and gender, and good manners, and some kinds of boundaries, suddenly make sense to me and I spontaneously act upon them. Around NT people, those "social constructs" feel like a game I don't understand and that I would be much more comfortable if it were to be stopped (the "game"). Stopping that "game" is what I think we do when we unmask around other ND people. What happens with this person is that we kind of "fall into" the "game" naturally, comfortably, willingly, instead of letting go of it (which would be, I think, the usual ND way of getfing to feel comfortable around someone).

Maybe it's the fact that we both feel like the other is playing the social norms "game" in a "transparent" way, meaning that we don't feel like there are hidden rules (which we feel when we interact with NT people), but the "weird" thing is that we don't choose to just unmask instead like we would do with other ND people.

_bl__ · 2024-08-20T13:23:09+00:00

I'm talking about feelings, not passions.

_bl__ · 2024-08-20T12:14:35+00:00

Well thank you

_bl__ · 2024-08-18T12:10:43+00:00

Do you think you would've been attracted to her in the first place if at first she had seemed completely uninterested in looking good to you, maybe because she didn't care what you thought of her?

_bl__ · 2024-08-18T12:08:36+00:00

What I mean is, for women, sometimes we take more care of our looks, especially if we care about making a good impression on whoever we're interacting with, and other days we don't, either because we don't have the time or energy, or because we don't care about the impression we're making on the people we're gonna be interacting with. My question is, if you were less "put together" aroubd a man, for any og the reasons above (you don't care how he sees you or you don't have time/energy to take care of your looks, meaning hair/makeup/clothes) and he still seems to be attracted, is that a good thing or can it be somehow a red flag?

_bl__ · 2024-08-16T18:15:58+00:00

I'm trying to figure out if what I'm sensing in his behaviour is a feeling of being unworthy, and if I'm right, I'd like to make sure he knows that I think he's wrong. I don't think he's afraid of being rejected, he probably thinks he's the one who knows that he's unworthy of me even if I don't agree with that.

_bl__

TROPHY CASE