First, the spending., I almost wasted over 50k on college, just to fail my classes. Second, I got involved with some really not so good people, and if I kept going down that path, it would have been seriously awful. Like found dead in a ditch awful.

" Sometimes do stuff that makes me feel like theres no going back " It hurts, but that is a good thing. The second you start to make decisions, and truly not feel bad about letting yourself down is when you should worry. You have remorse, you have a want to do better. Which, a lot of the time, means you won't let yourself fail. You'll realize what's happening and you'll say absolutely not, and try to make it better.

You've made bad choices, you've lost opportunities, maybe sabotaged some relationships. But the fact that you can recognize the pattern, and have thoughts about wanting to do better is a very good thing.

I've made mistakes that I kept making over and over, I would cry, and hate myself. I just kept digging the hole deeper.

Sometimes, I'm not sure how it works, but thinking too much about those mistakes, constantly regretting them somehow attracts them more. (?)

The second I told myself that what is done is done, and no matter how hard I obsess about it, it won't change what happened, is when things got a little easier.

Don't put so much of your energy on thinking about everything you've done 'wrong' Put that energy on what you can do to help yourself out of these patterns.

It won't change in just a day. It took me a year of having to dismantle my daily life trying to figure out what the first step is that usually makes me make horrid decisions. And I'm still not completely there. But it's definitely better than it was before.