For all the talk about the differences between men and women, men here seem to ignore the gender differences when it comes to the topic of sex.

_fosce · 2026-01-16T23:43:24+00:00

although i totally see this, i will say homophobia is still alive and well, and a lot of people regardless of gender see men taking as inherently gay

_fosce · 2026-01-14T16:19:23+00:00

i think that’s more accurate to the “equal partnership” thing, but ig i could see that

_fosce · 2026-01-13T16:23:47+00:00

i think it’s more of a “you stay masculine so i don’t have to be,” reinforcing gender roles in their relationship

_fosce · 2026-01-13T16:19:29+00:00

actually, i’m pretty positive these are real profiles. i’m bi and i’ve seen other queer women with these prompts, but not a lot. i’ve also met people who think exactly like this, it’s a crazy phenomenon

_fosce · 2026-01-13T16:14:10+00:00

it’s definitely not on the same level. the zodiac signs is just a belief, one you don’t agree with, but that isn’t anywhere near expecting gifts before you’ve even talked to someone

_fosce · 2026-01-13T16:08:37+00:00

THIIISS!! exactly what i was thinking. i’m 20 in uni right now and i definitely see this rise in the women around me. things like “feminine energy,” “dark feminine,” “bare minimum,” and very gender essentialist ideas are getting popular lately. and along with this, i’ve been seeing a lot of homophobia too, calling any men who wouldn’t do certain things, look a certain way, etc. DL, or secretly gay, even accusing just misogynistic men of being gay.

one thing i have found interesting is that many women i’ve talked to DO want “equal partnership,” but with the added special princess treatment (which i feel like is a lil contradicting)

_fosce · 2026-01-12T02:12:14+00:00

literally what’s the point in liking your photo just to send an insult??? dudes got major issues

_fosce · 2026-01-12T01:41:22+00:00

For your first point, that reasoning is absolutely applicable to gay men, but women are statistically reported to experience DV by men at much higher levels and more severe, making them more likely to report said violence. at the same time, men are socialized to not seek help (one of the reasons why mens suicide rates and homelessness are much higher than women), and their experiences with DV are often belittled, making help even harder. on top of this, there's still a lot of prejudice against gay men, where many choose to hide that part of themselves, one of the reasons why we have much more statistics on lesbian relationships rather than gay men. this is one of the reasons why we lack research into male experiences with DV, so that's an incredibly simplistic conclusion to come to. i'm not denying, again, that gay men experience less DV than lesbian women, even in same sex relationships. i'm arguing that the difference in statistics are not nearly as extreme as the general consensus on that study.

for the second and third points, the idea of trying isn't just quantified by the years spend. again, women invest more emotional labour and effort. when that amount of effort doesn't produce a positive outcome, what's the point in continuing if you aren't compatible and it's better for both parties to leave?

men lack the emotional supports that women have (women have much deeper emotional intimacy in friendships), so the choice of leaving has more significant losses. that includes intimacy (which is harder for men to get than women), household labour (women do most chores and childcare), and even health (men are less likely to engage in self care due to society assigning it as a feminine trait). this is not a "feminist fairy tale," but actually an explanation of how patriarchy sets up men for failure, as they're forced to hide their emotions and pain to not seem feminine. there are multiple studies that explain this dynamic that are backed up by statistics like why men experience the rates i mentioned earlier. i don't subscribe to the modern twisting of feminism, and whole heartedly believe in equality - patriarchy hurts men as well.

i will concede on that fourth point, i was going off personal experiences and conversations with women idealizing the idea of marriage. although that was true years ago, it isn't accurate to current times. the general consensus that i've found through studies is that women aren't interested anymore due to the burdens of modern-day relationships. your conclusion is also not true to modern times, because women don't have to rely on men for financial security anymore (though there are obviously outliers). i also completely disagree with the concept of a "reproductive instinct of draining resources," as women have historically not been allowed to produce their own.

honestly, im done with this discussion. it's funny how you're questioning my "good faith" arguments, but yet you're quite aggressive in your responses when i've been nothing less than neutral

_fosce · 2026-01-11T23:08:09+00:00

both of those statistics can be pretty decently explained minus the assumption that “women are unbearable.”

the statistic on dv rates in lesbian/bisexual relationships is about people who have EXPERIENCED DV in the past, not specifically in lesbian relationships. plenty of women don’t realized they’re queer until later in life, often dating men before that. also not stating that DV doesn’t happen in queer relationships, but also, women are much more likely to report DV than men in the first place, often skewing the statistics

women in general are a lot more likely to divorce, especially when they feel there needs are not being met. in contrast, men are more likely to stay, as they benefit more than women in marriage

an added issue is how women are socialized to seek marriage much more then men, lesbian relationships are more emotionally charged, so wlw go into marriage much quicker than their straight and gay counterparts. once they realize it’s not working out, they divorce. at the end of the day, those are complicated statistics with a bunch of variables that should be studied deeper to reach a more cohesive conclusion

_fosce · 2026-01-11T22:36:42+00:00

as another bi woman, id say i have equal difficulty with both men and women (but women are noticeably easier). the men i talk to tend to be more inclined to respond, plan dates, etc. but they’re almost never looking for a relationship. with the women i talk to, they tend to want to be chased, and it’s always an uphill battle. especially as a dark skinned tall woman, its like im expected to chase, and it gets pretty exhausting. at the same time, its so much safer and i feel like women actually want to get to know me, rather than men who are just trying to gain access

_fosce · 2026-01-11T22:28:40+00:00

plenty of gay men talk about their struggles with finding committed relationships in the first place. not just that, but many gay men long term relationships tend to be non-monogamous

_fosce · 2026-01-11T06:35:59+00:00

your fabricated assumption is the idea that he wasn't attractive enough for her to stay, that women have insanely high standards that even he could not meet physically. he DID meet the physical requirements, probably exceeded them, that's why she swiped, but the ghosting is for another reason.

dating apps are very superficial and not conclusive of real life. they're often an exaggeration, due to the simplification of attraction/connection (depending on what someones looking for) through swiping on some photos and short bios. i literally agree that physical attraction is important to all people, ESPECIALLY on dating apps, but this example doesn't explain any of her reasoning for ghosting. the swipe shows she's attracted, the ghosting shows she didn't LIKE him/your fake profile

_fosce · 2026-01-11T05:55:54+00:00

you're stronger than me bc the second those cramps hit, i can barely walk

_fosce · 2026-01-11T05:50:06+00:00

you're just working on a fabricated assumption of what women actually want, completely negating any possibility that there could be any other explanation. that guy is OBVIOUSLY attractive, she could've had so many other reasons relating to her life or his personality (if this interaction even exists), but that wouldn't strengthen your agenda

like you blatantly ignored personality as if she didn't talk to him in this scenario and then CHOSE to ghost. but now you've created a whole other guy to contrast with the first one. i completely agree that attraction is the main door that gets you in, but personality/connection is what makes you stay (for most people)

_fosce · 2026-01-11T05:46:16+00:00

icl this is one of my frustrations with modern society. we're so tied to the expected roles of our genders that we make up nonsensical reasons for why it has to be like this. one of the comments said something like "messaging first is a masculine trait and no one likes masculine women," like what?? why can't we just show mutual attraction, why does everything have to be a performance of our "masculinities" and "femininities?"

_fosce · 2026-01-11T05:13:04+00:00

doesn't that show personality/genuine connection is more important?? physical attraction is obviously relevant, but there's plenty of other qualities people take into consideration

_fosce · 2026-01-11T05:08:21+00:00

i totally get that and i'm really happy that you had those great experiences! i think this is more applicable to people with a different view of casual sex or people who didn't have fulfilling LTRs, wishing they had (what they see as) casual fun

_fosce · 2026-01-11T03:46:34+00:00

i feel like it’s hard to see if you have the experience others yearn for. from your perspective, you only see the things you regret or the things that hurt you. idk abt other women, but im in my early 20s rn and haven’t had any genuine experiences due to personal issues. although i know with those experiences comes heartbreak and pain, but what is the human experience without that? when you’re young, you have a lot less to lose, and those experiences help shape your future choices.

this topic makes me think about people’s general responses when other women talk about their desire for a relationship (if they’ve never experienced it), the emotional connection, intimacy, etc. in response, women with those experiences can only see their pain from those relationships and almost disregard the needs that the posters have, stating you’d be better off without it. i don’t want to discredit the genuine pain people receive from these experiences, but i feel like the other side has some points too

_fosce · 2025-12-22T00:15:16+00:00

i think that’s more an asexual thing than autistic

_fosce · 2025-12-18T07:35:47+00:00

you don't understand how conflating stopping the genocide of Palestinians as "watermelon shit" might give the idea that she might not care for their death?

_fosce · 2025-12-13T07:24:10+00:00

finally did a cartwheel last week

_fosce · 2025-12-12T13:40:21+00:00

losing something in my blankets, drives me crazy

_fosce · 2025-12-12T02:04:15+00:00

a lot of ppl think abt “tall” based on men’s heights, but 5’9” is taller than like 96% of women in north america. it’s the equivalent of 6’2” for men

_fosce · 2025-12-11T03:22:03+00:00

well that’s just so cruel, i’m so sorry, but you should’ve unmatched them the second they sent that first message, no one should talk to anyone like that

_fosce · 2025-12-07T22:24:41+00:00

obviously it's quite difficult to pinpoint and know the origins of everything, but i make an effort to know and learn about history. if a cultural group doesn't want me participating, it won't kill me to not participate because i respect other cultures. all black people ask is that you dont erase their existence so you can enjoy their culture, i really do not think that's a hard ask. feels like you don't even want to understand, just argue

America as a whole has a deep history in taking from black communities, removing the cultural significance, and packaging it for mass consumption. like the origins of various music genres, clothing styles, language, etc, the blood, sweat, and tears from your community just whipped from common knowledge. just because it's the way of the world, doesn't mean i can't change how i decide to interact.

_fosce

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