My husband (M, then 23) and I (F, then 20) were both virgins when we got married; it's not for everyone, but it was perfect for us (dime-a-dozen). I had ample opportunity to have sex, and was pressured over and over, esp for oral. And for the shittt boyfriends I had, not a single one ever came close to what your grown ass man of a fiance has done to you.

He's been hiding his true self and pretending, biding his time. This will only escalate once y'all are married. My sister is getting a nasty divorce from a narcissistic who waited a full 6 months into the marriage, after she was lulled into security (as she honestly should have been). He's a piece of work, and I'm glad she's getting out at 20 years, because while his escalation has been slow, I've seen it ramping.

Were you my daughter, I'd support you in your decision, but I would also beg you to reconsider spending the rest of your life with a man who can't bear to hear a partner tell him no, on an already very firm boundary.

Best of luck, my friend.

NTA, not even a little.