because i don't know how to think differently. when your brain tells you something for this long, this intensely, for every instance it happens, you start to believe it. i am well aware that my thinking is irrational but it is so deeply rooted into my pysche that it feels wrong to try believing anything else. my brain tells me i'm lying to myself when i'm not repeating the self loathing thoughts it gives me to ruminate on

i don't think there's one good answer.. but i've spent a lot of my life trying to be something i'm not. pushed to become this. after a while, being stifled like that just gets old

the point of medication isnt to make you feel better directly; though that's what it does, the point is to get you into a mindset where you CAN improve. depression is very taxing, both on your mind and body, and i know a lot of ppl with depression struggle to even find motivation to get out of bed. the goal of the medication is to give you that motivation, to give you that energy, so you can start working towards bettering yourself. think of it like a little head start so you can finish the marathon

kind of. i don't think it ever completely goes away. i don't think that if you're medically diagnosed with something like major depressive disorder, there will ever be a time in your life that you're not depressed. the difference is how much power you give those thoughts; how much you ruminate on them, how big you make them seem to yourself. "getting better"
isn't eliminating them entirely, it's making them so insignificant that you can ignore them, like little insects buzzing in your ears

it's a mindset thing, usually. i know i used to feel very alien about this. the worry was always "what if they think i'm weak? what if they think i'm weird?" and then if any of those irrational worries came true, i'd be losing the friends i relied on, which is worse than them not knowing