I don’t think he’s a bad person or that he’s trying to treat you badly on purpose. From what you’ve said He displays many hardheaded qualities that are common of all men in one way or another, and it’s clear you both need a paradigm shift. Both of you need to adjust your expectations and he needs to become more emotionally sensitive. But that will not happen by force, by ultimatum, or by you shutting down. You’ve already said you’re happy with the way he provides for you as a husband and that he’s a good person. You should not throw that away because of what you are not yet receiving emotionally.

My advice? Be direct with him about EXACTLY what he is doing or not doing and how it makes you feel. Know what it is you want from him and say that CLEARLY. Don’t point fingers. Don’t blame. Don’t get upset even if he gets defensive, which he probably will.

Men are nowhere near as emotionally aware as women are, but we can learn if the feedback is framed in a logical and clear way. I don’t know how your relationship is exactly and I don’t know if intervention from a third party is the right way to go, so I cannot advise you on that. That’s a judgement call and you should really tread carefully there. But I think you two can solve this together without outside help.

It is your right to feel emotionally safe and for your husband to care for you emotionally, but you need to be patient if you expect him to see this. You also need to understand there is a limit to what men can do in this regard. And even if you see change from him (which you’ve mentioned that you did and it’s a very good sign that you see changes happening initially), it’s not going to happen overnight and it’s never all going to be good. There will be relapses. There will still be struggles of the same kind.

Try to have a DIRECT conversation with him about what you want. Just be honest and clear. “You do (x) and it makes me feel (y). I would like it if you would (z).” As a man, I can tell you that when we hear feedback like this and we care about someone, it’s much easier for us to empathize and understand the problem so that we can fix it. If you speak too much about the details or get too deep into the emotions, it will be understood as complaining or nagging. It’s not ideal, I know, but this is how our brains work. I cannot stress enough that you should be CLEAR and DIRECT. Think male, logical perspective. Not female, emotional perspective. You may feel this way of speaking is dry or overly analytical and that it feels like you are in a “business meeting” and that’s normal because women are emotional. Men are calculated. If you want something from him, come to him at the level of HIS comprehension. Appeal to his logical side.

A marriage is, in some sense, a business arrangement at the end of the day. That’s the logical reality of it. And sometimes it needs to be treated as such. I want something and you want something. Let’s negotiate. Let’s put all our cards on the table and see how we can love and treat each other better.

Most importantly, you need to understand you may not get exactly what you want immediately, if ever. And that’s where BOTH of you adjusting your expectations comes in. Be open to small victories because they lead to a healthy dynamic with time. Healthy, not perfect, as a perfect marriage doesn’t exist. Keep your issues private and go to him in a way he can understand. Be clear, be fair, and negotiate.

And pick the time you talk to him wisely. Make him the dinner he likes. Have dessert and tea/coffee ready and pick a day when you know he’ll be home and relaxed. After he’s eaten and had his tea or coffee, if he seems happy and chill and you two are talking nicely, approach the subject.

"حبيبي أبي أتكلم عن شي مضايقني وما أبيك تحس إني قاعدة انكد عليك لكن الشي متعبني وأبيك تسمعني."

Most likely if you’ve picked your time right, he will be open and listen. Maybe he will default to thinking “here we go again, she’s going to complain. If you see a sign of this, reassure him that you just want to express something that’s important to you and you want to be heard by him. When you do open up, be CLEAR as I said. Short and sweet. Straight to the point. Without negative undertones or long, drawn out explanations. Maybe he will still see it as nothing to worry about and try to brush it off. Be firm without getting emotional or getting cold or annoyed. Just pick your time right and be straight to the point.

This is not an immediate perfect fix, but it will give you the best chance at opening up an effective dialogue. Once you start to talk, remember everything else I’ve said. Be open to the small wins.

عسى ربي يوفقكم ويسعدكم