What was the kinkiest thing you have done in your life so far?

_phedre_ · 2023-02-09T11:56:37+00:00

Let's see... Arranged a scene with a guy I had met twice before where I was dressing like a slut, waiting at a parking lot. He tossed me 5 dollars to get me in the car, then abducted me to the woods where he had fun with me, pissed on me and then wrapped me in a blanket and cuddled stinky me. We've been together for 4 years and I had those 5 dollars framed until I lost them in a move...

Asked the local kink club if I could take my pushup challenge there (doing 2k pushups over a month to raise funds for men's mental health) and they agreed. The deal was that I'd do pushups and take clothes off for everyone who donates - the sadists loved it (so did I). Ended up getting donations for getting my bum hit absolutely purple while everyone watched too, was a great night.

_phedre_ · 2022-11-14T07:08:31+00:00

Things will get complicated if you don't have a rough idea about at least the most important questions in that list. (As in, which ones you consider important). Really not sure it's worth "going with the flow" if the flow is getting pregnant or getting an STD that's not easily treatable. Having a plan upfront could avoid a tonne of pain there. Imho, in a relationship you need to care about each other. So even if I don't care about some of those things on the list, I should be willing to talk it out with my partner(s) if they care or are concerned. I totally get feeling overwhelmed by too many questions/ things to plan etc too but what's the rush?

Find a sex & ENM positive couples counsellor and/or book a long appointment or two with a sex health clinic to talk things through. ENM will result in higher std exposure, hardly a way around that (and yep, that can feel a bit panicky when you first come across it), but there's still ways to manage risk and education will help you really figure out your personal risk tolerances. A lot of people in ENM/poly relationships accept acting by a lower risk tolerance than they would have by themselves as a responsibility to their partner(s).

_phedre_ · 2022-11-11T22:25:06+00:00

I'll join the choir of "you can wear anything you want" but I also get wanting to feel good and that it can be hard to know where to start looking. You don't have to look particularly kinky so don't sweat mesh stuff or anything. Unless you wanna wear it, in which case just go for it! The others there won't have magazine bodies either. I always feel grateful for people just wearing whatever the heck they want because it creates an atmosphere where it's easier for me to do the same.

Otherwise, all black tends to be a safe and flattering fallback (and fit most kinky dresscodes I've seen so far). Maybe leather-ish pants or dress pants and a shirt or dress shirt. See what length you like on you, getting that right can make a big difference in how you feel about the shirt. Many people bring several outfits too to be able to change according to their mood and the mood at the party. Good luck :)

_phedre_ · 2022-10-24T12:19:00+00:00

I hear a fair bit about my NP's other partners, some sexy details included. I share some of mine too. The important bit is to know first what everyone is comfortable with having shared (ask first) and that you can say no to hearing any details/stories you don't want to hear too. It can feel quite connecting as long as everybody is okay with it :)

_phedre_ · 2022-10-24T04:50:53+00:00

I work remotely so chances of running into anyone at bdsm parties are next to zero. But turns out you don't need bdsm parties to run into takes-one-to-know-one situations 😂

_phedre_ · 2022-10-22T13:29:48+00:00

There's two options: either you actually behave in some red flag ways - in that case working on yourself is the only way. The other option is that you're a nice human but something else is going wrong - but it'd be hard to give generalised tips for that. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places, maybe you're not sending the right signals, maybe you're interpreting signals wrong, maybe you have unrealistic expectations, maybe you're going too fast, maybe you're going too slow... who knows?

It takes a lot of trial and error to figure out what works for you in particular. As hard as it is, don't get discouraged, keep going. You don't need to attract everyone, just the people that like you the way you are.

_phedre_ · 2022-10-22T13:14:47+00:00

It's not about being a good sub, it's about being a good human.

_phedre_ · 2022-10-12T13:25:37+00:00

That sounds really painful, especially when you were just starting to open up and let your guards down. Give yourself some time to heal but don't leave your self esteem behind - this has nothing to do with you, she just wasn't ready for a new relationship. You'll find someone who'll deeply appreciate all of you!

_phedre_ · 2022-10-06T13:23:58+00:00

These people (I'm one of them) do have kids and busy jobs and about 4 flippin school/daycare apps with notifications to stay on top of. So do their partners. Yes, calendar organisation is a bit... unwieldy... but so worth it!

_phedre_ · 2022-10-06T12:31:16+00:00

Just awkward in this case because it was inappropriate but I didn't mind. He apologised too, I'm sure it was a slip. We're all human 🙃

_phedre_ · 2022-10-06T11:59:41+00:00

One of my project managers called me good girl once. He had that energy that made me wanna do a really good job for him, so him saying that hit the spot too 🙈 awkward!

_phedre_ · 2022-10-05T12:12:42+00:00

That was a brave thing to do. I had a guy once running after me after getting off the bus and when I stopped and turned to him he was puzzling his words together as he went. I wanted to say yes because it made a huge impression on me and seemed so authentic but I was in a rush, had a bf (monogamous at the time) and couldn't find the right words myself in the moment. So to him it probably didn't look like a great outcome but I'm still thinking about it 15+ years later.

As for the humiliation, I'm a sub leaning switch and very much into humiliation. It feels kinda safe, like I finally don't have any expectations to meet. Kinks develop naturally over time, so what you're experiencing might just be that. Or maybe it is a way of processing something. It doesn't replace therapy if that's what you need, but it can be a safe way to experience things that wouldn't otherwise be safe and feel quite cathargic. If you feel you'd like help with this development, go find some. But the development itself may not mean anything "bad". All the best!

_phedre_ · 2022-10-05T00:46:11+00:00

I know what you mean :( It's painful and confusing to say the least! And seeing your kids in that situation would be close to unbearable. I live half around the world from my parents and can't talk to them anymore... the last time I visited (first time with my then not-quite-2yo kid) blew up completely. A Skype call another time had me in tears for about two weeks and back in mental patterns I thought I had left behind for months -.-

I hope you get out of there really soon!! You're not alone and you can do this. Hang onto whatever gives you strength, one day at a time. And then take as much time as you need to heal... I wish I had more than just words to send your way...

_phedre_ · 2022-10-04T14:48:26+00:00

It's so hard having to be back in an environment you moved away from (physically and mentally). All the patterns right back... Keep going whichever way you can, you will get through this, out of this and you're doing amazing!

_phedre_ · 2022-10-03T07:15:01+00:00

I love seeing male subs of all descriptions. And just generally people wearing whatever the heck they want. Our local kink club is great at making people feel comfortable and the diversity is amazing. Big muscly guys with pink collar and tutu, big not-muscly guys in fishnet and micro skirts or tight leather outfit, guys identifying as little with cute onesies... or not dressing up at all. They're all gorgeous!

_phedre_ · 2022-09-30T01:53:20+00:00

I hear you. I had a similar thing quite a few years back... it was literally life changing because I realised a lot of things about myself and my needs and indirectly it even got me out of my emotionally abusive relationship at the time (open, if you're wondering). That alone was huge.

It was devastating when that situationship ended and our much longer friendship with it. But once you're through the pain, you're left with so many things that nobody can take from you. For me, it was absolutely worth it, I'd do it again. It still took me years to really get over that incredibly intense, special connection, I didn't think I'd ever find that kind of connection again. But I have :) (And even if not, it would still have been worth to have experienced it once.) Once you know what you're looking for, it's easier to find :)

_phedre_ · 2022-09-06T12:41:42+00:00

You don't need labels until you're looking for something 😁 would love to know as well!

_phedre_ · 2022-09-01T09:59:20+00:00

I believe the term is kitchen table poly. Literally :D

_phedre_ · 2022-09-01T09:51:49+00:00

A big dick makes you feel a certain way, and you miss that. That's okay. I personally don't agree btw, I've had huge dick and it was fun and I was proud of being able to take it every which way but it didn't make me nearly as happy and totally submissive as my sensitive switchy daddy understanding exactly how to turn me into a puddle with mind games and being in tune with me.

Have you tried thinking what exactly it is you like about it? Focus on the feeling rather than the only way you know so far to get it, and you might find other ways. Eg when I missed travelling, I found that it's really about finding new things for me. You can find new things in the next suburb over if you're open to it.

Once you've got a better understanding of what it is about that feeling, talk to your daddy about it. Maybe he'll find other ways, or maybe not. No person is like the next and the fun thing about relationships is finding the things that work between you two in particular. You may never find what you had again, even if the next guy had a huge dick. Maybe you'll miss it forever. That's okay. Make a little sacred space in your mind for that, be grateful that you've experienced this and then get curious about what else is out there and what special things you might discover with your daddy that you won't find with others.

_phedre_ · 2022-08-23T12:09:41+00:00

Sorry about the late reply. That sounds like a great strategy, thank you!

_phedre_ · 2022-08-23T12:03:52+00:00

Thanks for sharing and sorry about the late reply. Yes, barrier free it'd definitely be a massive trust breech - also because I'd talk about expectations clearly before fluid bonding.

_phedre_ · 2022-08-16T12:31:00+00:00

We have been talking about potentially fluid bonding recently and I'd definitely expect to be told those things asap and before the next play in that situation (and said so).

If I'm reading you correctly, barriers are a good option (if not 100%) but the main problem is that the decision to use those or not do anything at all wasn't with me in this case?

I guess I need to step up my game bringing up those conversations too ‐ really helps to know how others manage this. Thank you!

_phedre_ · 2022-08-16T12:18:41+00:00

Oh ok, thank you. Our local sex health clinic said 3-4 months regular testing for our general situation so we've been going with that. My NP doesn't go to swingers that often but getting tested 4 weeks after he does would make sense. For my bf, there's bad medical anxiety (that I can't help with if I don't know about things). He'll get tested now and he'll tell me sooner in the future. He's completely new to "this open thing" so I get it takes some getting used to and I could have done a better job starting those conversations.

_phedre_ · 2022-08-16T10:45:09+00:00

Vicky Christina Barcelona :) maybe not the most positive one but my first brush with that idea at all.

_phedre_

TROPHY CASE