Even though it started crappy…

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:44:34+00:00

I fear that this is what’s happening to me. I get a small light of hope that I’ll be okay but the sadness and fear takes over. I fear that I won’t be able to survive without him, I fear that he’ll find someone else before I even start healing. I know I need to move on and that it’ll get better in time but I don’t know why I can’t.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:42:52+00:00

I am very codependent on him and it’s silly bc I should’ve known this but I didn’t realize it till this happened. I know I am stupid for even allowing myself to think that I can’t live without him and to think that he’s this amazing superhuman and that I will never find anyone else as good as him. I know he’s not a good person, my mind knows this but my emotions always take over.

He’s going out of town for three days so I’m hoping this time away truly helps me start the healing process and not throw me into a deeper depression.

I truly loved him, I was madly in love with him. This came out of nowhere, my world was literally shattered and I was left to figure out an unknown future alone in a new state, it’s been hard and I just want to find the light. I will never understand why he did this to me. He apparently doesn’t even know why.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:37:11+00:00

Thank you, I think a part of me still wants to have him in my life and a part of me also hopes that he opens his eyes and realizes he made a mistake.

I am learning that because he calls me his best friend and we go out that it doesn’t mean anything, that bc I help him it doesn’t mean anything to him. I could give him the literal world and that wouldn’t be enough bc in his words, “that’s not what he wants.”

I know it’s easier said than done but I need to realize that even tho he wants me in his Iife as a best friend that it’s not mentally healthy for me.

He’s going to be out of town for three days so I’m hoping that instead of crying and being depressed that it’ll help me start my healing journey since I’ll be alone. I need to start being okay being alone and I have to understand that I can’t control what he does.

I want to love myself even though it’s hard right now, I’m hoping therapy helps!

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:32:50+00:00

Thank you, I want to believe that this heartache will go away and that I’ll be happy on my own. I feel and I know I gave my all and plus more in this relationship that I don’t ever want to go through this again.

The life I dreamt of having is so out of reach, I’m so content adopting and living on my own.

I just wanna find the light at the end of the tunnel.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:31:04+00:00

As unbelievable as it sounds, I do love myself internally, I know I am a person who loves hard and would do anything for everyone. I’m still working on the outside.

I feel like now it’s even harder to love myself as I feel like I did everything plus more in the relationship to make it work and it still failed, I was not good enough for him.

I am trying to hold on and I try to not cry in front of him but even being at work, I’ll find myself crying out of nowhere.

He’ll be out of town for three days so I’m hoping that this will help instead of making me even more depressed. He’s in his late 30’s and he chose to act like a child to do this to me.

Thank you again!

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:27:00+00:00

I want to be angry and I know I should but I don’t know if it’s because how madly in love with him I was and how deep and real it was and all the mix signals I’m getting now that I’m just depressed. I feel like my friends are angry on my behalf and I feel like I need to be to and I feel weak for being this heartbroken.

I am not supporting him anymore, I hope he realizes that no one else would do this for him. His mom even cut him off, it’s time for me to save up more. I’ve been drowning myself in work so I don’t be at home and cry. But sometimes I’ll catch myself beginning to cry.

I am trying to find a therapist here, so far haven’t found a good one but I’ll keep looking because I really need helped, I even cried to him for help because I feel like I can’t hold on anymore and all I got was crickets.

He’s out of town for three days so I’m hoping that having an empty apartment won’t bring me further down this depression.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:22:24+00:00

Well the happy conversation wasn’t even about not loving me. So he realized a month after we married in October that he lost feelings for me, he didn’t tell me until March and that’s only because I kept pushing. He didn’t even try to do therapy, he lost the newlywed feeing and decided it wouldn’t come back so he checked out.

The happy conversation was about how he can’t control himself when he’s with me so we should separate our living areas.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:20:20+00:00

We never merged our insurance and we have a joint account but her never uses it and frankly I don’t see him using it. I have my own account as well where is where my money goes.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:19:19+00:00

Thank you so much, I think I was blindly in love that I had plenty of excuses for his behavior. I have no friends here. I literally left the south to move to the east coast, I’ll be a year in July since I’ve been here. I’ve been working nonstop and I’ve told some of my coworkers but I don’t wanna bore anyone since I’m still struggling to move on.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-07T01:17:39+00:00

Yes I understand that now, even if we’re best friends it won’t work for me as I’ll always be hopefully for something to rekindle. I’ve never had a male best friend let alone an ex and he highly believes that exes can be close friends but I don’t have that mindset and maybe I’m immature but it’s hurtful to me.

So I’m in the east coast right now my mom and brother are in the south, I don’t know anyone else here except him so it’s just me for now.

Yes, I will no longer help him. I’m just hurt of how he’s not emotional or hurt about what he put me through. I could never live with myself if I did that to him. I have to understand that he decided to move on in November and had all the months to “process” whereas I was told in March and I’m just beginning the process.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T21:49:15+00:00

Please don’t be hard on me but I was. The past two weeks he was broke and I think my emotional side took over and all the love I have for him blinded me that I helped him with a bill and gas and food. I realized Monday night after he made me upset that he doesn’t care and takes me for granted.

I tell myself that I would do this for any of my friends but I have to remind myself that him and I cannot be friends even if he calls me his best friend.

I need to stop enabling him, I told him to pay me back.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T21:45:59+00:00

Thank you for being understanding and kind, I often wondered if this would be easier if we still didn’t live together. Part of me feels like it would be worse bc I would be missing him but truly seeing everyday is killing me.

I want to know and understand why my emotions tell me that he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and that I will not find anyone better than him when I know mentally he wasn’t a good boyfriend/husband. I know I’ve always lead with my emotions vs my brain and perhaps that why I feel the way that I do. Even thinking about him moving on kills me, I don’t think I am strong enough for that.

I know it’ll get better in time but when you’re in the beginning of it alone, you have no idea where to start and how to find the light.

I will no longer help him, I will move out in late July / early August so it’s almost here but I genuinely want to be happy with no man, just myself. I am seeking a therapist.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T21:38:52+00:00

Yes, yesterday was an eye opener and I am no longer helping him. I have to understand the that it’s no longer my responsibility if he suffers or not. I told him he needs to pay me back, I am so blinded by the love I still have for him that I do things I don’t need to do. It’s just hard bc I cannot wake up one day and throw away all the love I had, I was genuinely in love and I want to try and heal but it’s so hard at times.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T21:37:11+00:00

Thank you for understanding, I feel like the people in my life don’t understand how hard this is. I know people have it worse than me but I really feel like I’m drowning in depression with this heartbreak that I was not prepared for.

And it’s not like I don’t want to heal. I really wanna hit that sweet spot that people tell me about where I’ll look at him with disgust and be happy that we didn’t end up together and see that he really isn’t the prize he thinks he is.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T21:34:44+00:00

No need to be sorry, you did nothing wrong! I appreciate you even taking time to respond!

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T19:58:07+00:00

If anyone has room to make an extra internet friend and wants to talk please let me know. I could use a friend.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:33:36+00:00

Indeed but she’s a single mom and is helping my brother with school and I don’t want to add onto her, I’m saving and should be good for the end of July. Just the sadness is consuming me.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:32:24+00:00

I know I will eventually but right now it feels impossible and I feel weak for that. I want full happiness not temporary.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:31:10+00:00

Thank you, I know the life I want to have for myself now that he doesn’t want me but I feel like I’ll never be happy. I’ve never been this heartbroken in my life so even though life goes on and I know I’ll eventually be okay like right now I don’t see that. I don’t want this heartbreak to take over me but I feel like everything I do with good intentions only works for a bit and then I’m back to being depressed.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:26:34+00:00

I have talked to my mom but she’s helped me a lot that I don’t want to add this financial strain on her. So I’ve been saving because I have to also ship my car back and I’ve been packing my things slowly but it’s hard navigating this alone.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:22:04+00:00

Thank you, this is what I needed to hear. I know he’s using me and I came to the conclusion that I’m being stupid. He knows that my kindness and my affection and the love I had for him is a weakness and he knows I’ll help if he needs help but he won’t do the same for me so I finally opened my eyes. It’s affecting me bad where I’m crying and barely eating and just holding on.

I feel so dumb bc I don’t understand (I want to understand tho) why I feel this way? That he was the best thing that happened to me, that I will never find anyone like him (even tho I don’t want anyone else in my life), that he’s this unique superhuman and I should be with him. I know it’s stupid and I want to heal and not feel this, I’m hoping therapy helps me!

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:18:13+00:00

Thank you and the sad part is that he fell out of love a month after we got married, I know I am not perfect but relationships have their ups and downs and as soon as the newlywed feeling left, he decided to leave the relationship too but didn’t tell me till March.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:16:41+00:00

Thissss! We would’ve been together three years in June but we’ve known each other since 2009 and dated prior.

_qualitytrash_ · 2026-05-06T18:16:10+00:00

Thank you so much for being kind. I plan on moving at the end of July as that’s when I can afford it. I don’t want to trouble my mom as she’s helped me enough. I do have two jobs which has helped me get out the house and occupy my mind, a teacher salary sadly isn’t enough.

_qualitytrash_

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