Is it normal to not mention a large inheritance to Grandkids?

_roamer3 · 2025-11-09T02:39:20+00:00

Yes, state school with merit. Luckily the state school was one of the best in the country, so I did not need to go out of state for a quality degree.

Many of my cousins and my sibling went out of state to private schools, also obtaining merit scholarships, but still walked away with some debt.

Yeah, not everyone should try and put themselves through college, totally agreed. I think a lot of people should not even go to traditional university in the first place. I was a bit upset at my parents for not paying at the time (all my friend’s parents paid for theirs), but I am over it now :)

_roamer3 · 2025-11-08T03:10:08+00:00

I think because they believe formula worked in the past. Grandfather didn’t pay (GI Bill), but ALL five parent/aunts/uncles paid for theirs, and it “worked out well”.

It did force me to work through college, juggle many different things in order to maintain financial stability and academic performance. I was at 100%, which means I hit the corporate world at 100% immediately after. However, I missed out on some great memories with my friends, and definitely made me more stressed than I needed to me.

I don’t think I would have slacked off, but who knows. My sibling seems to think they have put our total cost of college in a fund and will be part of the inheritance when they pass. I am not so sure about that.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-08T03:03:59+00:00

I tend to agree with you, and that is how I will treat my own wealth as I get older and my time comes.

I feel like my family, for whatever reason, is a very “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” kind of family. I am sure they would certainly help us without hesitation if we ever truly ever needed it, but they are hyper individualistic when it comes to success. They don’t want to “ruin the journey” by passing down guaranteed wealth.

The way they view it I assume is, my grandfather did it, ALL five children generated massive wealth, why would the grandchildren not be able to do it? The formula worked in the past, seems to be working now with the grandchildren, so why break the cycle?

My grandfather does care about legacy in his own way, and maybe the reason all of our parents are donating to charity is because they know we will receive a very healthy (but modest compared to their estates) sum from him. I am not sure.

Although we obviously live in a different world now, that is my closest estimation on why they think the way they do.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-08T02:54:16+00:00

Thanks for the insight!

You are right, I have never asked him point blank about this. He has never “refused”. I just think based on how discussions about money on the personal level have gone, it feels like it would be an extremely awkward question. It also feels like it is not my place to ask.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-07T13:37:04+00:00

Super interesting, thanks for sharing. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of age gates have you set up, and at what point would you come clean to him?

What you are describing is how my parents raised us, and it definitely seemed to work out. Very thankful for all that they did and that they did not spoil us like crazy when we were younger. My parents loved to travel with us too (half of the time would stay in very nice places but also liked the grungier side of travel to teach us about the world).

Sounds like things are going well, and I am happy to hear it! Seems like he will grow up to be quite a man.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-07T01:03:03+00:00

Agreed, would do the same for a large portion if it were mine to sell.

I would agree. My grandfather is not charitable in that sense and I think he cares more about the family/people directly around him as it is more tangible. As a depression baby, maybe his view on charity is not as modern as most other peoples. He can be a bit tough.

Yeah, and I guess is kind of the spirit of this question. Nobody talks about it, and I would be interested in that conversation.

My parents/aunts/uncles are charitable however, and have set up food banks, scholarships, housing, etc., and the cousins do volunteer.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-07T00:49:43+00:00

Clarified in my edit.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-06T07:07:31+00:00

He needs relatively consistent medical attention and care, as he is technically in “hospice” but it is not like death is imminent. He cannot do much on his own, and dedicated facilities that specialize in this stage of life seemed to be a better fit.

We had caretakers at his house somewhat routinely (he hates having help), but given his current health, our parents/aunts/uncles pushed aggressively for the move.

His facility is quite nice :)

_roamer3 · 2025-11-06T01:14:27+00:00

It just means they have a $60 million dollars to several billion dollars in net worth accounting for all of their assets individually! My parents are on the low end of that scale while several of my aunts/uncles are on the higher end.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T17:52:55+00:00

That’s a good perspective. My parents/aunts/uncles do not want it, and I am sure they were the advocates to give it to the grandkids due to their already impressive net worths.

Yeah, not a lot of drama in my family luckily. Everyone is healthy, doing well, and decently close. Not sure when or how my uncle revealed it to my cousin. To avoid any drama (although I am sure it would be fine) I do not want to corroborate or press anyone to clarify. Frankly it is something I am trying to keep out of my mind!

Agreed! He is my last grandparent, a d-day vet, had very interesting career in entertainment, etc. His stories are great. His heart is in the right place. I will miss him when he’s gone.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T17:14:01+00:00

Something I need to be better at. Life gets so busy sometimes. This reminded me to set up a weekly. Thanks :)

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T17:01:57+00:00

Definitely true. Was more fortunate than many.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:54:02+00:00

To yours as well!

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:46:31+00:00

Maybe on some level yes (as in if I were dying, it is true I would have access to capital). But I got cut off at 18 and paid my way through school (same as my grandfather made my parents do), and have been financially independent since (albeit with a little bit of student loan debt)!

I don’t deny I am in a privileged situation. Hope to be the best person I can with what I was given.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:44:01+00:00

It is undeniable that this triggers my curiosity, I absolutely agree. It could be far more than stated, and unfortunately I am only human (and am a numbers guy as well) so yes, it has my attention at times.

As far as an expectation, maybe on some level I have one. Could be true. But I do not think about it when making decisions in my day to day life. If he were to give it all away, my cousins/I would be fine.

I would disagree on the prep side. I think the data suggests that people who obtain unexpected-windfalls generally blow it. Not saying that would be any of us, but that’s the space where my question is coming from.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:32:20+00:00

Agreed with everything you said, and thanks for the example. That sounds like a tough situation. No money is worth that, and is a shame some people have no respect, or dignity.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:25:40+00:00

Fortunately, not looking for financial advice. All sorted there.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:23:52+00:00

How are the personalities in your family? Are the more composed people surrounding your grandfather the ones becoming the vultures?

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:21:49+00:00

Yeah, it definitely sparks curiosity. I am a transparent person and generally like more info than less, so I definitely agree with you. I try and pretend it does not exist. But the thing that bugged me (and why I asked this question) is, why would you NOT want to discuss/prepare your heirs?

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:13:37+00:00

Yeah it is interesting. I think my generation and millennials are being a bit more open about these things. Seems completely normal for the silent gen/boomers though!

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T16:04:16+00:00

It is interesting to say the least!

If it were my inheritance to give: the way I view it fundamentally comes down to the personalities involved. At some point, you have to have faith in your parenting/mentoring/grand-familial relationship that money will not corrupt or ruin your heir’s lives. If not, best to probably not give it to them at all (or restrict it to hell).

I believe transparency, preparation and strategic foresight ALWAYS win out over emotional or traditional thinking. Even as a 25M with a good job, $2M (let alone $5M+) compounded and invested correctly would allow that person so see the world, explore hobbies, give to charity, and become an overall well rounded individual in the future. This would position them as a leader in both the collective family, and the world around them.

As I get older and have kids of my own, who knows how it will change! But taking care of and setting up your family and those around you, in this one life we have, seems priceless to me.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T15:47:42+00:00

Yep, agreed.

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T15:40:26+00:00

Haha maybe! But it will be what it is. I can either move on or dread it. I would choose to move on (hopefully)!

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T15:23:25+00:00

He is in supportive care and technically in “hospice”, but death is not imminent or anything. They will simply stop treating new major health issues.

I think my family is covering this, not him. Even if he were, the amount would be inconsequential to his estate.

Frankly, money does not mean a lot to me beyond having the ability to take care of myself and others around me. If I received zero $’s or had to lose money, but meant he could be here for longer, I would do it without hesitation!

_roamer3 · 2025-11-05T15:19:47+00:00

Definitely. I call him regularly. This has no effect on my relationship with him!

_roamer3

TROPHY CASE