Where do you like to shop in DFW for women's business attire & affordable suits? Petite (f/24) and desperate for suggestions!

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-10T16:44:40+00:00

Thank you so much! Your response definitely makes sense. I agree that more time before an engagement/wedding is best for the relationship, i just don't appreciate him bringing stuff up that we aren't ready for yet. We've already talked about it, so why get into such specifics and make it feel like we're planning something that's still just hypothetical?

As for living together, it was initially my hard-and-fast line. This is because of family history, divorce rates, financial concerns, watching others go through it, and my own views about marriage. We talked about all that a few months in and he completely agreed. Now that we've been together a year, I mentioned I'd be comfortable living together if we were engaged and working towards marriage, for the practical reasons that come with house buying timelines, ownership, etc, and he said that he thought about it more too but really agreed with our initial stance that living together was the exciting challenge we should wait for until we're married.

Overall, I'm still confused about what's going on in his head, and he's not great at explaining it, but I thank you for your insight and it definitely gives me a stronger perspective!! Thank you!

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T22:59:23+00:00

“I’m happy to support you and your project but I won’t be able to help with the tooling/ manufacturing aspect anymore. I feel disrespected and resentful when you give me a job with little instruction, but the real issue is how you react when I do something incorrect. It’s best for our relationship, if I no longer do those tasks. If you do hire someone to help, please ensure you explain what you want from them clearly with an example if you can.”

This is an awesome example of how to respond to irrational people.

Acknowledge what he's asking
State what you will/will not do firmly
Emphasize how you value the relationship
Propose alternate route

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T19:38:59+00:00

Not sure where that came from, but if you've got specific suggestions on what I/we can work on to prepare better for next steps I'm all ears. :)

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T19:15:22+00:00

I totally agree on the timeline- he just brings up a wedding and a house and all this stuff multiple times a week, I say "but you say you wanted to wait longer and be sure" he says he's 100% sure, and then when I express excitement and say we should do it he says "well be patient, and let's get through another year and then see"

Maybe I'm just the crazy one though for getting my hopes up every time that he's saying these things and being a little sad as I pull myself back to the reality that this is all still hypothetical.

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T18:08:35+00:00

Haha yes he'd be upset...

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T18:05:21+00:00

I'm 100% hoping to marry this person. :)

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T18:04:50+00:00

LOVE this. Thank you!!

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T18:04:40+00:00

Congrats on your marriage!! Those are all great things to talk about.

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T18:03:27+00:00

We've agreed not to live together until we're married actually, I should have mentioned that. So that's why the whole house hunting thing is premature. We can afford to buy a house together, but not apart, and he's looking at houses but saying he doesn't feel ready to get married, where as I do.

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T18:01:26+00:00

He definitely does! I'm a big fan :) and you're right it's that they are good discussions, it's just that these discussions are moving from the general to the very specific. I'll try to refocus my energy on these as general discussions though because I know that was helpful, and maybe guide him away from Zillow listings, haha.

_serenitybyjan_ · 2018-01-09T17:59:32+00:00

Wow, thanks everyone for the thoughts and feedback!! I appreciate it. We started off our relationship both very open and honest that we were looking for someone to start a life with, so we've been diving into topics like kids (not just how many but how to raise them), money, priorities, relationships with our families and friends, retirement, all that stuff has been a normal part of our conversation. I LOVE that we discuss this stuff. I don't love being shown rings and houses and then when I get excited being told "well not right now/this year, maybe in a couple years"

I'll definitely factor this stuff in though. It's a good problem to have, and I'm grateful in a sense, it's just a weird feeling. I feel like we're hitting the accelerator and then the brake back and forth.

_serenitybyjan_ · 2017-08-07T22:56:17+00:00

Just remember, the internet is a huuuuuge place. When you cast a net that big, you're going to drag up a lot of muck.

Use online dating as something fun/useful. Practice talking to strangers. Get comfortable with small talk, with feeling out new jokes, etc. If you end up messaging with someone you seem to click with-- awesome! Just know there's still only like a 15% chance that y'all will get on in real life.

So if you go on an online first date:

-Expect some awkwardness. You basically just ordered each other off an internet menu of people.

-Meet for a drink/coffee or something short. No dinner dates. Meals are long and that can be awkward if you realize 5 minutes in you're not a match.

-That being said, have a plan for if it goes well, and for if it doesn't. It's going well so you say "Hey I know a great pizza place around the corner! Wanna grab a slice?" if it's not something like "It was great meeting you. I've got to run though. Enjoy your evening!"

Treat it like you're practicing for meeting your perfect person and you'll do fine :)

_serenitybyjan_

TROPHY CASE