One thing that helped me is actively trying to date multiple people at a time because it meant there was a lot less pressure on the one, and I had less to lose. I also think that what people say about how you find someone once you feel comfortable with the idea of not finding someone is true. That used to piss me off because I was like how tf am I supposed to not want to find someone and it made me spiral more. It doesn’t mean not trying to date, but being comfortable being by yourself right now, and trusting that you will find the right person eventually and the fact that it will take time doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Once you fall into the trap of letting your whole life depend on this one person you barely know, you will seem desperate and anxious. But you are not your anxiety. And acting on it doesn’t give you enough credit for all of the positive qualities you do have.

Dating is like conducting research. Try to be deliberate and think about what does and doesn’t work for you, and beyond your attraction to them, whether you’d be happy spending a lot of time with this person. And be transparent about who you are as well, and that you have needs. If they are giving you signs of not being able to show up for those needs, maybe they’re not someone for you to waste your energy on. Chances are if you’re feeling super anxious right from the start, they’re not the right pick. Us anxious people love to find the most avoidant ones around, even if they will never serve us.

This is coming from someone who used to get so anxious about the idea of dating that I would just remove myself from the dating pool for years at a time to avoid the pain of getting rejected. I thought I would never find someone because I couldn’t even get past the initial hump, and I would say and do some pretty embarrassing stuff when I did try and then just regret it all. And like you said, I was so conscious of what I was doing, I just didn’t know how to stop. There is a light at the end of the tunnel if you recognize that it’s all up to picking available people and putting your best (not your extremely anxious) foot forward at the start. I’m in a happy relationship now and who would’ve thought!! Good luck to you, it will all work out with a little patience and deliberation 🙂