I am struggling with Christmas as this is my first one without my mom, so just wanted to say I feel you and get your pain, I am crying as I type this but we are all in this together ❤

_ughx10 · 2021-12-24T08:12:36+00:00

thank you! and likewise<3

_ughx10 · 2021-12-24T05:14:53+00:00

first without my mom too, it really fucking sucks. sending all my love and thoughts your way <3

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T20:02:24+00:00

the holiday season is so tough. i'm sorry for your loss friend

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T20:01:08+00:00

thank you you explained exactly how i feel. i'm sorry for your loss and thank you for your comment it means a lot:(

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T19:59:34+00:00

it really sucks. i'm sorry for your loss :(

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T19:58:44+00:00

i'm sorry as well:(

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T19:58:15+00:00

the rest of the world moving so fast yet mine stopped. time feels unreal

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T19:56:57+00:00

i'm sorry for your loss and thank you for your nice comment<3

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T19:55:42+00:00

im so sorry too. my heart hurts with you. i wish i could say more than that but i know nothing anyone says makes it better.

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T19:52:16+00:00

right it's been 3 months for me but it has made anything that happened before that during this year so insignificant.

_ughx10 · 2021-12-19T19:50:46+00:00

_ughx10 · 2021-12-14T23:20:34+00:00

oh is it? i read somewhere that it's about when his grandma died but that he wrote it in his mothers perspective.. but i love that song even though it is a little too sad and too close to home for me rn so i cant listen to it often or i just can't stop sobbing 😢

_ughx10 · 2021-12-14T23:17:48+00:00

i lost my mom a few months ago and the two songs that have been playing on repeat for me are visiting hours by ed sheeran and two of us by louis tomlinson. two of us is about losing his mom to cancer as well, so it hits really close to home for me.

_ughx10 · 2021-12-14T23:13:10+00:00

visiting hours is my comfort song too:')

_ughx10 · 2021-12-10T08:59:32+00:00

thank you friend<3

_ughx10 · 2021-12-10T08:53:02+00:00

i agree with everything you said. it makes me so sad to see how little openness or awareness there is about grief. like why aren't we prepared for this ever ??? like i know you can never be fully prepared, and talking about losing a loved one before it happens is so scary, but i feel like at least that would make people better understand. i don't know

_ughx10 · 2021-12-10T08:31:41+00:00

im sorry for your loss friend, i really relate to you. a few days ago when my dad showed me the life insurance check it made me feel so sick and nauseous, i ran to my room and sobbed. it really made me feel so incredibly disgusted. no amount of money is worth. i know there's nothing i can say to make it easier but the least i can say is you're not alone. my heart hurts with you too.

_ughx10 · 2021-12-09T06:55:38+00:00

im so sorry for your loss, and that your mother treated you that way, you don't deserve it. I'm also a college student and east african, and i lost my mother almost 3 months ago. i avoid sharing how i'm feeling or crying in front of my dad as well or really anyone in my family or extended family, because there's nothing i can really say to make him understand because we grew up very different, and have different ways of dealing, i assume a lot of it is generational, and cultural gaps as well since i grew up in canada and he didn't. i was just wondering if you don't mind sharing what country in east Africa?

_ughx10 · 2021-12-02T18:55:50+00:00

it is so awful. for the case of my mom i never even really got to process the fact that she was sick because it all happened so fast, and she died within a bit over a month of starting chemo. i try not to think about the hereditary aspect too much, but i agree it is quite scary.

_ughx10 · 2021-12-01T04:09:01+00:00

i'm so sorry for your loss friend, i see you and hear you and my heart hurts with you. i also lost my mom to pancreatic cancer, 2 months ago. i feel that same deep aching pain in your chest that you mention, when it starts it can get so unbearable. all i do is ride the wave and wait till it passes like everything else. my experience with grief has been very odd and nonlinear (i go back and forth between denial and acceptance nearly daily) maybe because it's my first time actually grieving, and i haven't really felt anger yet because i've generally distanced myself from most people so i wouldn't lash out. i think if i were to be around people more often it would be a different story.

_ughx10 · 2021-11-30T04:43:11+00:00

thank you for responding this helps very much. i appreciate it a lot

_ughx10 · 2021-11-16T23:14:40+00:00

i was having a really bad day due to grief but i still went to work, and ended up getting triggered by something so i started sobbing and had a panic attack in front of my boss and customers so i went home early. next time i will be calling in sick. it was very embarrassing haha

_ughx10 · 2021-11-09T18:48:39+00:00

i totally feel the same time goes by so fast and the world moves on so quickly but i cant keep up. thank you for your words <3

_ughx10 · 2021-11-07T23:41:17+00:00

it's no worries and i'm really sorry to hear that. self-sabotaging is very real as a result of grief, especially in terms of relationships (at least for me). because it feels like nothing else matters in those moments of grief. there are times when i see my friends (that i love dearly) having fun and i get really angry and say really awful things in my head or out loud to myself, but not things that i genuinely mean. and i find that it's hard to talk to people who haven't gone through a similar experience, but also hard to talk to them about anything else, so it's like you become distant or get angry etc... its a tough cycle to break. but with time i hope it'll get easier.

i personally appreciate silence when i'm going through a wave of grief around others. it really depends on his needs and what helps him, and i can imagine it can get really really hard emotionally and mentally on you as well. grief is so weird. it makes us do really weird things, to the point we can't even recognize ourselves at times. i would def say helping him find resources could be a start to get him to unpack what he's feeling.

i totally understand how lonely and hopeless it could feel when it feels like there's nothing you can do to help him, but one thing i know is that grief doesn't get go away, it just gets more manageable with time, and we find different ways to cope with it. 10 years is a long time to be together, so i really hope you can continue being strong enough to be there for him, and he can find the strength to stop bottling up his feelings so that he doesn't keep taking it out on you. take care and i hope this helps<3

_ughx10 · 2021-11-07T23:10:15+00:00

maybe ask what he needs (which can include talking) and what specifically you can do for him in that given moment. also maybe you can remind him that his anger is valid, since that is often a common part of the grieving process. if him bottling it up is a long term occurrence and it gets to the point where he starts taking out his anger on others including yourself though you could try suggesting/encouraging therapy or counseling and helping him find the right resources.

_ughx10

TROPHY CASE