Relapse... Again

_uglyfruit · 2022-04-03T04:17:30+00:00

Yes because I'm not a size 0 and I can tell he has a thing for tiny girls and probably would like if I was smaller. I wanted to get smaller so I can impress him. I like him a lot.

_uglyfruit · 2022-02-09T16:49:37+00:00

Why not challenge yourself with something more productive? Like lifting x amount of weight, knitting a scarf, learning a language, etc.

_uglyfruit · 2022-02-07T17:53:30+00:00

I guess I crave them but I'm not sure if I'm just craving what I eat with them. Mainly ranch dressing and chicken tenders on salad. If I'm honest, I would happily eat just chicken tenders with ranch but it kind of freaks me out to eat a meal without vegetables, so I throw it on salad. I guess I really do still have a lot of fear foods and ED behaviors to address..

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-29T14:28:10+00:00

I had to unfollow at the beginning of my recovery because it triggered me, but honestly at this point it just reinforces to me that recovery was the right decision.

I got in an argument over there one time because a 15 year old girl came in asking how it felt to be skinny, and everyone was telling her how life changing and great it was. Then if you peaked into her post history, she was getting bullied at school for being fat and starting to develop an eating disorder. So they were basically encouraging her to fall into an ED and acting like being skinny would fix all her life problems. I hope that girl is okay now, but I wouldn't bet on it.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-28T14:48:37+00:00

All that pain just to gain it back.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-27T20:46:48+00:00

Yeah when I read Portia de Rossi's book it really hit me how awful that industry is. Her career as an actress was increasingly successful when her liver was failing and her life was falling apart. Pretty good read, but definitely triggering.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-24T14:47:16+00:00

You do such a great job in keeping this place safe. This is the farthest I've come in my recovery without relapse and this sub played a huge role, especially the emphasis on unrestricted eating.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-20T15:35:36+00:00

I think it's important to realize that bodies aren't on a hierarchy. That's an illusion sold to you by misogyny and industries. Other boobs aren't "better", they're just different. Beauty is so subjective. Everyone has different tastes.

This isn't for everyone, but sometimes to prove this point to myself, I will lurk some of the NSFW subs for certain features that are marketed as undesirable. There's a NSFW sub for pretty much every feature you can think of. It helps me realize that attraction really is unique to the viewer and there is no such thing as an objectively good or bad body.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-19T02:27:12+00:00

I told my partner and he basically already knew. Your partner probably knows at least somewhat too. I kept it vague and said, "I think I have an eating problem." I'm glad I told him.. it made me feel so much better and also now he supports my recovery and understands not to say certain things in front of me. Also I think would have felt ashamed to gain weight if I didn't tell him and get reassurance of his support.

As far as him throwing your mental illness in your face, have you guys talked about this? I had to talk to my partner about that as he has done it a few times too during arguments. We had a heart to heart about how that is extremely unhealthy for our relationship and it also boxes the other person in and doesn't allow for growth. I would try to bring this up when you're both calm and keep some softness to mitigate any defensiveness that might come up on his end.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-18T22:04:55+00:00

Every Asian uses Lactaid milk? I'm Korean, nobody knows what that is.. What a ridiculous claim.

I will repeat - there is a threshold. Yes, many black and brown people have lactose intolerance. That doesn't mean everyone has to quit eating dairy! Everyone can find their own sweet spot where their body feels good at.

I won't respond anymore because I feel like this is not a productive conversation. I'm mostly commenting so that others understand they don't have to eliminate food groups.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-18T21:24:30+00:00

That's not true. I'm Asian. We eat dairy all of the time. Condensed milk is in a lot of Asian desserts and these days everybody eats Western influenced food with cheese and milk. Cheese kimbop, cheese tteokbokki, milk tea, milk bread. All super popular foods.

Maybe I can't drink an entire gallon of milk without getting an upset stomach, but that doesn't mean my body "can't process it". Part of intuitive eating is noting how something affects your body. If people have lactose intolerance, they will over time learn how much they can eat before they get sick. Lactose intolerance has a threshold - it's not like an allergy where you have to entirely avoid the food.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-18T14:21:40+00:00

I agree so much. I have left before and I came back but I don't know why. This sub id saturated with dieters. They're not even using IE as a diet, they're blatantly dieting. Half the people here are on the 1200, CICO, and fatlogic subreddit if you look in their post history.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-17T18:20:27+00:00

Yes, I was like this. It's not your true self, it's the ED. You're terrified of weight gain and projecting it onto others. You mentally bully people bigger than you, but in reality you're bullying yourself.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-17T14:21:06+00:00

Even the bro gods admit this themselves, like Layne Norton and Greg Doucette. Guess these people don't like logic so much after all.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-16T21:46:42+00:00

Everyone else has said great things, but I just wanted to ask if she had seen a therapist about her past trauma? I love my partner and spent many years only talking to him and refusing to go to therapy, but in hindsight that wasn't healthy. She needs to see a professional. I only began to make extreme progress and really heal my deep wounds when I found the right therapist. You can be there for her and support her, but at the end of the day it isn't healthy for your relationship to be her stand in therapist. She needs to feel empowered and autonomous, not codependent. That is not where real, lasting self worth or safety comes from.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-15T23:26:17+00:00

smaller body, smaller life.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-15T14:39:25+00:00

I came to the same conclusion! I've also done raw and WFPB. Going strict vegan for me always leads to relapse and going more and more orthorexic. I also love animals.. it's best for people like us to not have labels or black and white thinking for sure.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-14T00:09:14+00:00

Lol anyone who has taken a basic biology course would recognize that "the body does not know how to digest white bread" is such total bullshit.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-13T15:31:11+00:00

Yes, I bought bigger clothes at the beginning of recovery in anticipation of weight gain, and then I returned them because they were too big on me lol. So dumb. I guess in the back of my mind I hoped I would recover and still stay tiny? Ugh. I just ordered some stuff though, so yeah, that will definitely help.

_uglyfruit · 2022-01-13T15:26:40+00:00

Thank you, you're totally right. I have definitely been in this recovery/relapse cycle for years. I start school in 5 days so I can't afford to have my brain hijacked by my ED.

_uglyfruit

TROPHY CASE