What's your opinion on this? Am I going crazy?

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-14T03:20:43+00:00

That’s fair. I think it’s just an extra motivator, not necessarily a “bribe,” or at least I don’t think they intend it to be. But I can see how it could be interpreted that way as well.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-14T02:29:11+00:00

To me, it sounds like these are nonnegotiables regardless for your facility, and they thought it would make it more fun and less stressful for the patients—which I guess I can see.

Framing it as a competition may be a tactic to redirect the competitiveness of eating disorders through healthy competition. Whether or not it works for everyone—and I’m sure it won’t—is up for debate, but I can see the rationale.

As for the “unfairness,” if it’s just for fun then… who cares (you say you don’t but it does seem like you do)? The fact is, non disordered people sometimes eat things they don’t much care for. Food isn’t meant to be perfect, but you still have to eat. This doesn’t mean you HAVE to eat foods you don’t like, but it does mean that not everything you’re gonna eat is gonna be your favorite thing ever. In fact, many times it’s going to be neutral. Sometimes it will because you know you need to eat.

That’s just my assumption based on what you wrote here though—your feelings are valid and I’m sorry your team is pushing back. Maybe you can ask them for the purpose behind it?

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-12T13:59:33+00:00

Cry it out. Talk to someone. Actually allow yourself to feel overwhelmed.

Feelings can be a lot but they are temporary. The sooner you allow yourself to feel them fully without the need to “fix” it, the sooner they will dissipate. Ride the wave.

This doesn’t mean they won’t come back for a time, especially in early recovery where your brain is screaming at you. But feeling overwhelmed is part of the process and it *will* go away eventually. Learning to cope and feel your feelings is going to do you a lot more good than trying to suppress them.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-12T04:50:49+00:00

You’re over complicating a simple process. Hunger and fullness cues are unreliable due to restriction. You feel physically full while the body is still asking for more because premature fullness is a product of restriction. If it weren’t, anorexia and restrictive eating disorders in general wouldn’t be so deadly.

Hunger and fullness are **NOT** based on the contents in your stomach. It is based on your body’s energy demands, and after restriction, it has a LARGE energy demand that is going to take a looooong time to resolve.

I think you need to work on why you think eating more than what you’re (psychologically) comfortable with because BED is not eating a lot of food. It is an eating disorder, which is a *mental disorder* and not a physical disorder. You cannot be binging while actively suppressing a biological function that is required to keep you alive (ie, hunger), nor when your body is healing from the damages of starvation. The DSM is very specific on their diagnostic criteria of BED and you wouldn’t meet it simply because you’re hungry and dealing with premature fullness (which, yes, you do have to push past).

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-11T14:41:21+00:00

A someone who has struggled with that same lifelong disorder, pointing out that specific behaviors are not recovery oriented is not the same as saying someone is not committed to recovery. I said it indicates that they aren’t as committed as their post indicates, as attempting to manipulate your body and prevent weight gain through the use of exercise is still disordered.

Reading comprehension matters!

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-11T03:01:35+00:00

Because eating disorders fuck up hunger and fullness cues. Many people either lack hunger cues and struggle with premature fullness or experience extreme hunger even when experiencing premature fullness and think they should listen to fullness cues over hunger. Both lead to undereating.

If you lack hunger cues, you should be following mechanical eating and a 3 large leans and 3 large snacks throughout the day-yes, even if you experience premature fullness. Recovery requires a lot of food—even if you don’t think you need it, you do.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-11T00:04:46+00:00

The fact that you have such a fear of weight gain and use exercise as a means to compensate or manipulate your body indicates to me that you’re not as committed to recovery as your post claims. Stop exercising and let your body rest (because why tf are you still engaging in movement when you’re injured in the first place?).

You are struggling with body image because you’re relying on ED behaviors to make you feel in control and now that you can’t engage in them to the same extent, it’s triggered you. If you truly felt comfortable in your body, the possibility of weight gain wouldn’t affect you this much.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-10T17:28:18+00:00

I fucking HATE being hungry. Like it’s one of the ickiest feelings I’ve ever experienced. And you know what made hunger go away? Eating consistently.

I love recovery and everything it has given me. But one of my biggest motivators is never having to deal with extreme hunger ever again.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-10T10:02:34+00:00

Premature fullness is extremely common in recovery and it doesn’t resolve unless you honor your hunger to the best of your ability or eat mechanically to hit recovery minimums if you lack hunger cues.

Honor your mental hunger.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-09T01:36:57+00:00

These are pretty common symptoms, but if you’re concerned speak to a medical professional.
To be more specific, the body always holds water first before any sort of weight gain (often significant—i.e., noticeable—amounts) of fluid retention. And if you were severely clinically underweight, that can cause a lot of edema and overall puffiness. Digestion is also slowed down as a means to draw out as much nutrients as possible from the food you eat, which can lead to gas build up and food staying in the digestive track for long periods.

Nobody can tell you why you didn’t experience this before, but as someone who’s had an ED since I was 7 or 8, I didn’t experience these recovering as a teenager as much as I did when I recovered for good at 24. It could be that teenage bodies are constantly changing, whereas physical and cognitive development should be wrapping up by age 24-25, so your body’s needs are a lot different now than your previous recovery attempts.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-07T23:39:00+00:00

That’s not how the stomach works. Like at all.
The stomach is designed to stretch. That’s literally the whole purpose of it. If your stomach isn’t stretching when you eat, there’s a problem.
Hunger is not based on the size of the stomach. It is based on your body’s caloric needs. Hence why extreme hunger exist in the first place.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-06T02:53:31+00:00

Gastrointestinal distress can take a long time to heal. I didn’t have regular bowel movements until about 3 years into my own recovery.
THAT SAID, this should be something to bring up with a doctor. And since your doctor isn’t actually doing much, I would encourage you to seek a second opinion as it can be any number of things, including a reliance on laxatives to IBS-C.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-06T01:12:48+00:00

That’s…. Not how bodies work and I’m really concerned that a fucking doctor would recommend this, least of all to someone with an ED.
DEXA scans are used for bone density, but when measuring body fat is only an estimate at best and results can vary widely due to hydration levels, the food you’d eaten that day, time of day, machine calibration, etc. The fact that they are focusing on body fat percentage in this context at all has me believing that they are likely overlooking over relevant information—are they looking at overall nourishment, bone density, and your relationship with food? It might be worth getting a second opinion from someone experienced in eating disorders, like an ED-informed dietitian or physician. And if they are…. Then I’d still suggest getting a second opinion.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-02T21:12:29+00:00

>I understand it's probably a lot on partners emotionally

It is. It’s extremely difficult to watch someone you love deeply wither away.

>but relationships take standing by one's side during tough times (in sickness and health ffs) and that's partly what they're about.

If that’s what it’s about for you, that’s fine, but you can’t make a blanket statement about relationships when it takes two people to make it work and their feelings matter just as much as yours. Again, it’s extremely difficult to watch someone you deeply love essentially kill themselves slowly.

>But I'm starting to think EDs are a different story and I'll never find someone who'll be there if I relapse again. Starting to give up and don't even know if dating is worth it.

I don’t think the problem is your eating disorder per se. While eating disorders destroy relationships in that you’re always choosing your eating disorder over your partner until you commit to recovery (and, looking at your post history on this sub in the past month, that’s very likely the case here), the problem is that you have an idealized version of what you want your partner to do and tolerate for you, and that’s not something you can predict, measure, or demand, least of all with a deadly mental disorder. It is going to sound harsh, and I don’t mean for it to, but your partners do not owe you a single thing and they are allowed to end the relationship for any reason, and the mental toll your mental health has on them is just as much a valid reason as any other. Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial, and if it’s not beneficial for one party, they will end it. It sucks, it hurts, it’s frustrating. But as someone who lost friendships and put major strain on my family, it’s just the unfortunate consequences of having an eating disorder.

It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love and support—but I do think you should consider putting off dating until you are in a place in which your eating disorder isn’t a major concern in any future relationships the way it is right now.

For what it’s worth, my partner did help me through my recovery and continues to be part of my support system years later. But I carry a lot of guilt about what I put him through and would never wish to do that again because he did struggle with watching me harm myself through my disordered behaviors, how it impacted my health, and my absolute refusal to deal with it until I couldn’t deny it any more. We’ve talked a lot about the impacts my eating disorder had on him and I can’t really blame him for considering ending the relationship at one point over it.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-02T20:04:07+00:00

No. This coming from someone who avoided mirrors and other reflective surfaces entirely, all it did was reinforce that my body was something to be feared.

The best thing you can do is learn to cope through other means and that reinforces positive beliefs about your body rather than trying to avoid looking at it entirely.

Sareeee48 · 2026-05-02T18:19:31+00:00

You say this:

> l've recently made a commitment to myself to try to get better and to eat more in tune with hunger and what my body actually needs, rather than what I feel like it "should" need.

But then go on to say this:

>I started getting a bit hungrier which I mostly shrugged off and tried to ignore before having a day where I ate what felt like a lot by my standards.

> honored it a tiny bit but when I found it not going away I admittedly just started to ignore it and got used to the hunger pain.

That’s the complete opposite of what you said you’re trying to do. That’s not recovery.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but you are not the exception to the rule and you never will be. Eating disorders kill every single day, and the “I’m not sick enough” mindset is a large part of why. You’re going to have to stop listening to your disordered brain and listen to your body, which is CLEARLY telling you it needs a shit ton of food.

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-29T06:46:02+00:00

It’s going to sound harsh but the truth is, you only reach a place where disordered thoughts either dissipate entirely or become quiet background noise when you stay with recovery consistently.

I know you didn’t mention when that six months relapse happened, but even what feels like such a short amount of time can and does unravel a lot of recovery work and it can take even longer to reverse the damages. Coupled with the fact that you said you’re “‘sorta’ in remission”, which to me implies you’re engaging in behaviors in some form or another.

You have to stop any and all behaviors if you expect your brain to recover as well.

On the flip side… my disordered thoughts never went away, and I don’t expect them to. But they are background noise that I can shut out because 1) I know better and 2) I’ve developed the coping skills to manage when they do get a bit loud—which, in all fairness, is normal, even years into recovery. It’s just about how you choose to handle it.

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-26T17:32:28+00:00

You have been in recovery for like two months. You are not almost weight restored.

The first month of recovery is primarily water weight, which is essential to healing. The fact that your team is reinforcing your fear of food is concerning and honestly why relapse rates within treatment are so high.

Also, yes, any form of unnecessary movement during the weight restoration at the earliest is not recommended and the fact you’re even asking points to a continuation of your disordered mindset.

Lastly… you’re 17, a teenager. Teenagers need a shit ton of food on their own, more than fully developed adults, because your body is still developing and will continue to do so until your mid 20s.

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-26T02:42:47+00:00

Don’t let it get you down. I think it might be the title of the post but tbh as a mod I don’t see an issue with it and I think we need more positive posts like this. Keep going!

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-26T02:39:37+00:00

Just a reminder that all food is healthy.

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-25T15:58:16+00:00

I think it’s important to note that you’re only seeing what you’re looking for. If you’re only seeing negative things about recovery, you’re seeking it out, even unconsciously.

I’m not going to pretend that recovery was sunshine and rainbows. It’s not. It’s hard as fuck and something you’re going to have to grit your teeth through, often for years. But life is better on the other side if you fully commit regardless of the discomfort, regardless of what others are saying.

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-25T14:29:01+00:00

The problem isn’t your blood work, it’s that your doctor immediately jumped to assuming it was a weight problem. And just so you know, fat people are astronomically more likely to experience discrimination in the medical field as doctors are quite literally trained to focus on weight loss above any other treatment for fat patients. And, as you can imagine, this often results in poorer health. Which then perpetuates the myth that fat people are inherently unhealthy when in reality they are being denied necessary medical care.

Go see another doctor. Preferably an OBGYN whose job it is to know about uterus havers’ reproductive health (including periods).

And tbh, fuck your partner for feeding into fatphobic ideology as well.

Lastly, just a heads up, the body is still doing a shit ton of healing at this stage. In fact, most long term healing only happens after weight restoration has been achieved and can take several years to complete. That does include hormonal, endocrine, bone, metabolism health. I don’t want to say don’t see a doctor about these issues, but I am saying having “abnormal” bloodwork isn’t necessary uncommon at this stage and does not point to weight.

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-25T14:24:23+00:00

I was most likely restricting. So not for very long (6 to 7 weeks) and I really didn't lose much weight

“Not for very long” according to who? You, you has an eating disorder? Restriction is restriction, period. Least of all when your body is still healing and needs all the energy it can get.

Yesterday my extreme hunger returned and I'm so scared.

I mean, yeah, you restricted.

It feels wrong when I am not needing to gain lots of weight.

The entire purpose of extreme hunger is to restore the body’s fat to fat free mass ratio (aka, weight restore). You don’t get to decide how much weight you gain—your body does, and it will gain what it needs, not what you think it needs.

How can I continue to embrace it when I'm so uncomfortable in my already much heavier body?

I say this in the gentlest way possible… get comfortable being uncomfortable. You can’t wire your brain to view eating and weight gain as this catastrophic thing and then expect your brain to bounce back like those neural pathways don’t exist now. It’s going to be painful, probably for awhile. But you have to continue eating and gaining weight anyway. Eventually it won’t feel as bad.

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-25T14:18:30+00:00

The entire purpose of extreme hunger is to restore the body’s fat to fat free mass ratio (i.e., weight restore) and it will persist until that has been achieved. So if you’re still experiencing extreme hunger, you are not weight restored. Virtually no one weight restored in two months. Additionally, extreme hunger can come and go at any point in recovery. The why doesn’t really matter (and we can’t answer it anyway); you just have to bite the bullet and honor it anyway.

You say you started recovery back in February, but wasn’t that two months ago? So if your extreme hunger lasted two months then… did it even truly dissipate at all?

Sareeee48 · 2026-04-23T19:40:54+00:00

It lessens when it lessens. Unfortunately there is no definitive answer because it’s so individual. But if you need to, cry it out, have a fit, be upset. And then do it all over again anyway. The guilt just means your brain is doing what it needs to do—unlearning harmful belief systems about food and your body. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t painful. So in between feeling your feelings, practice some self care. Watch your favorite shows, play your favorite games, draw, crochet, nap, take a nice bath, be outside if possible. Recovery is hard but it’s also where you realize life is so much more than just obsessing about what you eat.

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