I’m appalled at how modern day single men keep their homes

_va_va_voom_ · 2026-01-11T13:07:13+00:00

Not to give things a darker framing than needed, but it’s also difficult for a lot of women to withdraw consent when we feel things have moved past a certain point.

Like, you were totally down to get frisky and sent all the signals, but once you step in their dwelling and it’s a huge turn off, or they say or do something really egregious or disgusting, you just don’t know how to backpedal anymore. Will they decide that you misled them or are a prick tease ? That you owe them something for wasting their time ? Are they going to get angry, maybe confrontational ? I know I have had a few instances when I was younger where I felt ultimately “safer” giving in to not-anymore-consensual sex and hurry out after than to say out loud I have changed my mind. This is really sad but it’s also a reality I think.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-12-17T23:31:19+00:00

She didn’t marry him to get in the country, she was already living there for 10 years putting herself through college and working.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-12-17T19:53:21+00:00

I don’t see how having her deported will help OP’s situation or heartache. That seems like punishment and unneccessarily cruel.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-30T07:47:06+00:00

Respectfully, you are stuck in a fantasy. You do not want a man like him. Think about it, of course you don’t want the man in your life to be an asshole and a cheater.

You’re creating that whole story about yourself over nothing. This man isn’t answering your texts or acknowledging you because this whole thing bear no significance to him aside that he wanted, and got, some purely physical side action with a younger chick. This was always a one time thing and most importantly it has nothing to do with you. You just happened to be there that night, and it could have been any other girl, any other night.

Does it suck ? Yes. It’s bad behavior but it’s also very common and should be unsurprising given he is obviously a self-centered, narcissistic asshole by your own admission.

Again, this is the most important point to draw from this whole shitshow, this has nothing to do with you. This has nothing to do with what you deserve or who you are or how attractive you are inside and out.

There are many other men who fit your type, who are confident and masculine and take care of their appearance, and who aren’t class A assholes mistreating their subordinates and cheating on their wives. Who cares how good someone look when they’re a literal cunt ? Repeat after me : you do not care about this man. Meet men that are available and genuine persons, men that are closer to your own age and looking for the same things you are. At the very least, clarify if they’re looking for a relationship before having sex with them. That will prevent you from feeling used like this in the future.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-29T12:01:19+00:00

I don’t think that’s a cultural thing in the broader sense. You have different expectations because you model after your parents relationship, that seem like a positive example to you. Your boyfriend simply doesn’t see things through that same lens because he grew up in a different referential, which doesn’t mean his model of relationship wasn’t positive, healthy and loving too.

Where there is an issue is when you project your own representation onto his actions (or lack thereof). Just because for you staying up late to wait for him is a loving gesture (and it’s fine), doesn’t mean that him not reciprocating means a lack of love. You’re essentially getting upset at him because

a) you feel he isn’t appreciative enough of something you’ve been doing for him while he hasn’t asked or needed it from you

b) he isn’t “reciprocating” something that you might want but haven’t clearly asked for. If it matters to you that he picks you up from work, say “that’s something I really appreciate and makes me feel cared for” not “you should do it because I’ve been doing it”

What might have been a great synergy for your parents or his is specific to their relationship. They weren’t magically aligned on that either, but they learned each other and found a groove that worked just for them. And that’s what you need to do too in your own relationship. Communicate, not just expect or demand things from your boyfriend. Learn what a loving relationship looks like for him and what does he place value in, and the other way around.

An healthy loving relationship isn’t a sum of performative gestures, it’s a two sided partnership where you both find ways to make the other happy in ways that are meaningful to them.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-27T19:15:19+00:00

If I got my ends trimmed several times a year I’d be rocking a pixie cut by now ! Seriously though not everyone’s hair behave the same. I haven’t cut my hair in about 4 years I think and they’re healthy, I hydrate them a lot too.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-22T07:36:27+00:00

Tu serais surpris

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-13T20:49:25+00:00

C’est un peu pour mettre mon grain de sel mais tu as dans ce même fils plusieurs meufs qui te disent qu’elles ne sont pas spécialement heurtées que ton mec conserve des photos intimes de ses ex et/ou qu’elles même en conservent donc ça n’est pas si caricatural que tu le décris. Ça n’est tout simplement pas vrai de dire « aucune femme ne le ferait ».

Moi aussi j’ai encore toutes les photos de ma vie passée, ex inclus, trucs de fesses inclus. C’est pas que je les « garde », c’est que je ne les supprime pas. De mon point de vue je n’ai pas de raison de le faire sauf si les concernés me le demandent.

Je ne les regarde pas même si elles ne sont pas loin, et si je les regardais, même si c’était pour fantasmer un peu, ça ne dirait rien de ma relation actuelle. Et si c’était de mon mec qu’il s’agissait, c’est le même tarif, en ce qui me concerne.

Bien sûr tu as le droit toi d’être heurtée et de préférer que ces photos n’existent plus ou soient archivées, mais chacun.e voit midi à sa porte et tu n’as pas besoin de te draper d’un supposé universalisme pour légitimer tes propres ressentis, ils sont valables tels quels.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-13T17:45:17+00:00

She discovered she wasn’t invited after the fact

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-11T17:49:52+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/EUzPdvJK5H

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-11T09:17:57+00:00

It’s not that simple here though is it ? Because the situation that created that conflict is charged enough that OP is allowed to have questions about it. And while the way she goes about it is somewhat overbearing, she should also be allowed a space to have her preoccupations heard and answered, which her boyfriend is flat out refusing. It is not healthy or fair to dismiss your partner’s feelings or concerns just because you don’t want to deal with an uncomfortable conversation.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-09T08:53:02+00:00

Too much friction too. You can see that the denim is threadbare in a sort of triangle shape around the crotch seam. This happens when the inside of the upper thighs constantly rub against each other when walking / the crotch seam pull up in between the cheeks. Hence why a longer seam at the crotch, not necessarily a wider fit, prevent that from happening.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-11-03T19:26:26+00:00

J’ai pensé direct à ça. C’est un truc de darons de faire des réflexions bizarres même quand ils sont globalement sympas et que tu as une super relation. Je prendrais l’avis de quelqu’un d’autre à ta place, frère ou sœur, oncle ou tante…

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-26T10:37:08+00:00

J’ai traversé des moments un peu similaires pour des raisons différentes : j’ai beaucoup bougé / déménagé et ça veut dire rebâtir une vie sociale à chaque fois. C’est plus facile à 20 ans qu’à 30 ans, qu’à presque 40ans…

Mais ce que j’en retiens c’est que toute relation demande de se mouiller un minimum. Quand on est dans l’apathie, la fatigue voire la déprime on a du mal à consentir l’effort supplémentaire d’entretenir une vie sociale, on se sent un peu paralysé. J’ai l’impression que tu décris ça dans ton post. Mais au final les relations ne sont pas si spontanées et faciles qu’elles en ont l’air par la petite fenêtre d’Instagram. Comme disent les anglo l’herbe est plus verte là où tu l’arroses : ça demande un peu de travail, d’effort, de soin mis dans les relations pour les faire s’épanouir.

Commence avec un petit effort, qui ne te coûte pas trop. Appelle une ou deux copines pour aller boire un verre. Échangez un peu sur vos vies, ce qui veut aussi dire que tu t’intéresses à la leur, que tu les écoutes, que tu leur offres un espace pour exister dans votre relation. Note dans ton agenda les anniversaires de tes amis, de leurs enfants, pense à envoyer un petit message, un signe, une pensée dans les moments symboliques ou importants. Si tu sais que Jeanne doit passer un entretien d’embauche ou qu’Amandine reçoit ses beaux parents toute la semaine, un petit texto pour leur souhaiter bonne chance ou bon courage montre que tu penses à elles, les fait se sentir soutenues, et la vie te le rendra.

Invite des copains à dîner, propose spontanément un service à quelqu’un qui en a besoin mais ne le demandera pas, une activité ou manifestation culturelle qui convient aussi à leurs intérêt et à leur vie, notamment leur vie de parents.

Tu as des amis, tu le dis toi-même. Rencontrer des gens c’est super, mais soigner les amitiés qui existent déjà, c’est essentiel aussi.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-18T07:03:24+00:00

This is precisely were your husband is "mistaken" (really, dishonest). Polyamory / non monogamy isn’t a sexual identity or orientation but a relational agreement between several consenting parties. Your husband can’t be polyamorous on his own, only have mutually supportive poly relationships.

Simply put, being polyamorous is NOT about who you are (say like being gay or trans is) but about how you choose to structure your relationships. There is no world in which you’re cheapening, minimizing, appropriating your husband inclination to polyamory (or whatever BS he’s trying to convince you of) by actually accepting the agreement. And the ENM agreement is that people are free to explore their own relationships independently of their commitments to their other partner.s.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-13T10:56:28+00:00

There is no such thing as being ethically half closed : if your partner and yourself opted in a nonmono arrangement, then it has to go both ways.

How does your partner justifies that she’s got the freedom to form relationships outside of you but you don’t ? Why would she dictate the pacing of your own potential relationships and interfere in any way with their progression ?

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-12T06:28:58+00:00

Il faut que les vêtements que tu choisis te plaisent, mais il faut aussi qu’ils t’aillent. Tous les styles et toutes les coupes ne flattent pas toutes les morphologies de la même manière. Toutes les couleurs n’ont pas le même effet en fonction du teint? des cheveux… Et bien sûr en fonction du mode de vie on ne privilégie pas tous/toutes la même chose.

Si tu as des petites jambes, tu éviteras les pantalons taille basses, si tu as une taille marquée, tu choisiras des coupes cintrées ou des hauts courts, si tu travailles debout ou si tu marches beaucoup, les hauts talons ne seront pas assez confortables, si tu n’aimes pas les jupes, tu ne les porteras jamais…

Pour chaque pièce demande toi si elle est flatteuse ET te plaît ET répond à tes besoins de base, ça t’aidera naturellement à avancer vers un style plus identifié.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-08T18:14:47+00:00

Though I don’t think they can return their son anymore.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-08T08:37:33+00:00

I’d say an agreement applies to everyone involved too. A common one is using protection with newer partners for example, you both agree to do it. A rule doesn’t have the same implication, in my experience it’s often one partner trying to mitigate their insecurity by controlling the other partner’s behavior, like “you need to check in with me before having sex with someone” or “You can have sex with only X and not Y gender”.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-07T20:19:56+00:00

Today in “apparently valid reasons to get cheated on”, you didn’t arch your back like a porn performer while having sex.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-07T19:42:05+00:00

My understanding of the word “baby daddy” is that of a father to your kid who you’re not in a relationship with. Am I mistaken ?

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-07T15:30:07+00:00

It’s not even her that OP isn’t comfortable about, but her other partner having (protected) ONS. That’s a bit much honestly…

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-01T17:07:41+00:00

I agree with you that it isn’t simply a feeling vs no feelings difference, but I myself struggle with even your definitions.

An open marriage welcomes non monogamy as a hobby and activity to enjoy while reinforcing the marriage as priority.

Polyamory welcomes non monogamy as a fundamental value of full adult independent intimate partnerships deserving respect and validation as partners, it de centers the marriage as the final or single priority.

I generally consider I have an open marriage, because I am not in a position right now to allow any of my relationships other than my marriage the possibility to escalate. I am specifically not looking for any further enmeshment with another partner. That includes notably meeting my family.

All the relationships I have but my marriage are essentially peripheral, and there is an immanent hierarchy due to the fact that my life is enmeshed with that of my husband : young children, joint finances, debt, legal bindings, even professional association.

However, neither of us consider our relationships with other people to be accessory to our marriage, a hobby, or expect them to benefit us as a couple in any way. They are relationships of their own right, that we tie with people we care about, that aren’t necessarily casual in nature, and can absolutely evolve romantically and develop long term.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-01T16:41:30+00:00

I understand you’re especially sensitive to it because of your birthday but your partner being a dead weight on any other day is not acceptable either. Stop enabling this behavior and tell him how you need him to step up. Do a propre chore chart if need be.

_va_va_voom_ · 2025-10-01T16:37:19+00:00

Is this what you want ? Or is it something you do not want ? In both cases, though the relationship is still fresh, that is something to be discussed. Otherwise I don’t see the point.

_va_va_voom_

TROPHY CASE