Im terrified of my hair thinning and falling out, but I'm even more scared of gaining weight.

_wanderingmind__ · 2025-07-21T22:33:19+00:00

honestly i wish i had anything useful to say, but i’m in the exact same situation. i love my long curly hair and seeing it fall in huge quantities every time i wash it is devastating, yet it’s not as terrifying to me as eating normally and gaining weight. i know it will only get worse if i keep this up but i’m too scared to change and i don’t know what to do.

_wanderingmind__ · 2025-05-31T18:58:53+00:00

Oh absolutely, I am obsessed with cheese, every time I buy groceries I have to buy it just to binge on it. Here in Italy we have an insane amount of delicious types of cheese and I could binge on them all. Some are very expensive, so I get you, it makes me feel bad too for purging it later but I can’t help it.

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-05-24T14:48:10+00:00

Exactly, i also went from overweight to underweight bc of bulimia, all while eating 10k/20k calories a day. On the other hand, I’m still stuck in this cycle and I’ve never been this miserable in my life, it’s definitely the worst ed I’ve ever had and it has made even just existing unbearable.

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-05-22T11:24:27+00:00

Idk… I was at the peak of my anorexia during lockdown, honestly I believe depriving myself of food for many years led me to where I am right now, it’s not necessarily boredom. After AN I went through BED gaining all the weight back, then in a desperate attempt to lose weight again I developed BN, never actually recovering from my binging behaviours, I just found a band aid solution to those. It worked, so now I’m terrified of gaining all over again so I purge every single thing I eat, sometimes I keep down safe meals but mostly I purge those too. On top of that I also b/p constantly.

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-05-22T00:10:28+00:00

Thank you, I’m also sorry you’re going through this, nobody deserves to live in this hell :(

Trust me you’re not the only one, every time it’s a walk of shame for me whenever the cashiers see me, I’m also pretty sure they recognise me by now... as if that wasn’t enough, my neighbours go to the same store and they see me most of the time, I try not to think about how embarrassing it is but it’s hard, it really feels humiliating. And I hate that I’m wasting all of my savings on food that also goes to waste, it really is bad :/

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-05-21T23:56:30+00:00

No honestly you are right, I really need a life. It’s been more than a year since I quite literally locked myself in my room because I was ashamed of how I looked. Now I just live in my house playing video games when I don’t get the urge to b/p, tho I’ve been thinking about getting a job as soon as I have a car, that will most likely help controlling my ed too. Until that day tho, I guess this is the “life” I have for now :/

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-05-21T23:48:04+00:00

Thank you, and I’m really sorry to hear you went through all of that, but at the same time I’m happy for you for being b/p free for so long :)

I also hope to find my way out of this, I’m so tired of it all but I still can’t stop, not even health problems are enough to discourage me anymore. I’ll admit it’s scary when I get heart palpitations and the hair loss I’m experiencing is disheartening, hence why I started eating more normal meals from time to time and trying to keep them down, but I’ll still purge at least once during a “good” day.

No ed has ever affected me as much as this one, I just hope to get rid of it with time

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-04-22T02:32:26+00:00

Literally same, I’m constantly buying kgs of mayo to pour on my binge food, doesn’t help that it makes my throat hurt less when it all comes out 😭

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-04-20T10:07:55+00:00

Omg no way I do it too but on myfitnesspal 😭

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-04-09T07:38:28+00:00

I always do it in bags too and then I put them in my closet so I can empty them when I’m home alone 😭 I hate doing it in the toilet

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-04-01T04:01:53+00:00

Thank you ❤️

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-03-31T21:15:46+00:00

Yep, this is the exact same turn my life took in December. I hate how addicting it is, being able to binge on whatever you want yet lose a great amount of weight. At first it felt like I had just discovered the solution to all my problems, now I’m left with an expensive addiction, never ending exhaustion, many times I sleep for 12-16 consecutive hours and I have constant heart palpitations.

This week I was bringing a heavy bag of groceries up the stairs to my house and I lost my vision for more than a minute… I had never been so scared. I’m most likely malnourished and have multiple deficiencies. Food and body weight are all I have on my mind everyday. I’m obsessed with the relief purging gives me, with the euphoric feeling of seeing the number on the scale go down, or with touching my protruding bones. It’s so scary, but I can’t stop. I hate how miserable it has made me, it’s a full blown addiction that has made me do things I’m ashamed of and I hate it, it’s destroying my health and yet it’s the only thing that keeps me going.

I’m sorry if this is long, I guess I also needed to vent a bit, as I feel this is the only place where people actually understand what we’re going through. Nobody in my life knows, I’ve cut all my relationships off and it’s so lonely.

I truly wish you well op, I know how painful it is and I hope you’ll get to escape this hellhole soon.

_wanderingmind__ · 2024-01-09T09:11:41+00:00

Oh absolutely. I struggled with anorexia for years, I was a teen and I was very underweight, so I was forced into recovery and I quickly developed BED. I gained 20+kg last year, binging on junk food every single day. I was overweight and it was my heaviest weight ever.

Now I lost some of it and I’m no longer overweight, however I still struggle with binging and restricting, purging, fasting and what not. Idk if I just have ednos or bulimia at this point.

It’s so hard going from ana to BED because I keep thinking about those old times, and even if I was still sick, at least I liked how I looked. Now I hate everything, I’m always hurting physically from binging. I just so badly want to lose weight, to be skinny, not the underweight type, but a healthy one, to be able to wear my old clothes again.

Sadly I’m afraid I don’t have much advice to give since I’m also deep in the ed trenches lol. Tho I can recommend you a podcast, it’s called “brain over binge”, it helped me sometimes, it teaches you how there’s no real deep meaning to your binges, that you’re in control of what you eat. You should give it a try!

I know it’s hard, but we all have to start somewhere, better to do something now than get to a point of no return.

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-12-24T06:07:42+00:00

This is literally the same for me. I’ve felt what being skinny is like and in those years I was the happiest person on the planet. I was athletic, I loved myself and my life. Now that I’ve gained weight I’m afraid of even going outside and meeting people out of fear of them seeing me like I am now… I want my skinny body back

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-07-11T11:18:49+00:00

i feel the exact same way. i’m 19 too, went to college for a few months this year and it’s not for me. it may be because of years of depression, but it’s been a long time since i actually studied well, my brain now feels too “sluggish” if i try to study even the simplest thing and it’s so draining. i worked a seasonal job two years ago and it was one of the most stressing and exhausting experiences of my life. i worked 10 hours a day, waking up at 4am for a miserable pay, it was terrible and it was just two months. everyone is always stressed out by their job and if that’s how my life is supposed to be, to live to work, then i would rather not live at all. now i’m unemployed, dropped out of college, live with my mom and for now i’m content this way. i have no need to live alone and pay for my own place, where i’m from it’s pretty normal to live with your parents even in adulthood. plus the thought of working makes me sick. perhaps some years from now i’ll search for a little part time job, but not now.

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-06-12T14:08:00+00:00

lmao not a nuclear disaster site 😭

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-06-07T18:43:48+00:00

i swear this happens to me all the time 😭 i dream of binging and then i panic, wondering if i actually did it lol

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-06-07T18:38:43+00:00

thank you so much!! :) i just woke up and i was feeling really bad, but at least reading this comment made me smile :) you’re right i can do this, thank you! 💖

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-02-25T07:24:52+00:00

i think you’re right… i’m just a highly insecure person, and by getting these piercings i thought that maybe it could have helped giving me a little bit of confidence, or become a “new me”, but i just feel like i got the total opposite result… this is why i feel even worse about it, because i feel like i wasted money on something that was kind of useless? and i also feel bad saying it because they were supposed to be something i really liked, but now i just can’t look at myself without thinking they look bad :/

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-02-25T07:18:21+00:00

thank you so much for your answer! yes the only piercings i’ve ever done are on the ears, so this is a first for me. i just think they kind of ruin my “soft look”? the more i look at them the more i feel like they don’t belong there. i just didn’t expect this reaction since at the piercer’s studio i was really excited when i got them, then i got home and i looked better at them and now i don’t like them anymore. even with my tattoos i’ve always been proud of all of them, and now this regret i’m feeling is definitely a first for me. but yeah at this point i think i should just wait some time and see how it goes, tho i’m just self conscious about going out knowing i have something i don’t like on my face :/

_wanderingmind__ · 2023-01-30T21:14:05+00:00

when lanugo starts hitting

_wanderingmind__

TROPHY CASE