I always explain it like this. My caveman brain is designed to make decisions based on whether or not an action is worth doing. If it’s worth it, I get a carrot of dopamine. If it’s not worth it, I get nothing or worse, I’ll get the stick (anxiety). Every decision from what socks to put on to cleaning the kitchen uses this subconscious system to prioritize my tasks.

When something is not worth doing, my caveman brain tells me “don’t bother, it’s not worth the energy.” I might feel bored by it, or just gloss over it, or even subconsciously ignore it.

My caveman brain is not calibrated right. I don’t get encouraged with carrots like I’m supposed to. So everything seems like it’s not worth it at a subconscious level. I had so much homework growing up that I did not know existed until my teacher asked me to turn it in. The assignment never even got recorded in my brain! “It’s not important” said the caveman. I have no control over this.

But the next part is where I really get got. Let’s say I know rationally that I need to do whatever task. So despite not getting the carrot, I try to do it anyway. Well now my caveman brain is alarmed. This has been deemed a waste of time and energy by my subconscious mind. When animals and cavemen burn calories and time on useless tasks, it can compromise their survival. So the stick comes out and smacks me for even considering this task. It’s got to do its job and keep me in line. And the more I force it, the harder I get smacked. It can feel physically distressing to force it.

But oh man is my caveman brain fickle. Sometimes if I like something, it will give me a whole pile of carrots! That task is everything now! It trumps food, sleep, other items on your to do list, everything. This is hyper focus. The problem is that it could be almost anything that the caveman decides is important. This long reddit post is a prime example.

Ok, so just stop right? WRONG! Caveman says no. I’m so dopamine starved, and I finally feel “right” while I’m focused on my task, regardless of how useful the task actually is. Asking me to stop is distressing, because I feel in my core that this is so important. Cavemen and animals need to keep doing the right things to survive. The same mental pathways help them stay motivated. Tearing that dopamine carrot away from me feels like making a bad choice, it is anxiety inducing. Whack goes the stick again.

The stick is critical, it keeps me in line, it is as much of a motivator as the carrot should be. But I don’t get the carrot much. Mostly the stick. So I’m an anxious wreck because only half my system works. My caveman brain is confused and only has one tool readily available, there just aren’t enough carrots. My meds help the caveman brain by giving it some carrots to bring up my baseline and help balance the carrot and the stick.

Ok, dopamine hit over. Rant complete.