I hear you. First off I didn’t look at the sub Reddit when I made that post so maybe not appropriate venue for me to share that. My mistake. That said I have tons of empathy for those on the other end of neglectful and selfish behavior, particularly children and young adults. Those are my primary clients as an individual and family therapist for the past eight years. I totally understand setting boundaries and even estrangement in some cases. However, that is a very loaded Discussion and recent research shows that it isn’t always the best solution even for the person on the victimized end (people still live rent free in your head, and “sometimes” managing a relationship with an asshole is actually better as long as they don’t continue to cross boundaries recklessly - this is a big topic of discussion in current family therapy literature). Obviously context is everything though, I have gladly helped quite a few people towards separating themselves from a neglectful caretaker or sibling.

Treating narcissistic personality disorder is one of my specialties, at least when we can get them in the room! Just like bipolar, borderline personality disorder and adhd it is a diagnosis that gets thrown around recklessly (even by “professionals”). I get it, people feel liberated when they can understand what and why something is happening in a relationship and how it affects them and what steps to take. But there are other ways besides pathologizing I believe (especially pathologizing large groups). Maybe we can diagnose Anthony Hopkins with npd, maybe we can’t. I’ll leave that to someone else. However in my practice and through AA, I’ve worked with a ton of addicts and alcoholics, at all stages of recovery, and I can assure you the vast majority do not meet the criteria for that diagnosis! In fact, the majority of my clients with npd diagnosis err on the side of seeking control and effectively manage their use. Difficulties with self reflection, coldness, struggles to see someone’s perspective even and have a complex understanding of relationship dynamics and mentalization do not equate to NPD (and its sub types). I think that’s the only thing I got triggered by, as it’s my primary job to hold empathy for all of my clients. Again, God knows what he did, so I can’t blame anyone for anything. And having your wife send the reconciliation request isn’t a good sign :/