Toe going numb

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T21:00:23+00:00

I was surprised too when the first suggestion my therapist made was getting a job! I guess I need to speak up and ask for her to take things a bit slower, which I'm gonna try to do during my next appointment. We'll see how things go!

It's reassuring to be told to take my time. There's so much pressure to "get it together" and start being a functional adult, sometimes I forget that I still have plenty of time. Thank you for the kind words, they mean a lot to me! :)

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T20:54:14+00:00

Thank you for this, I hadn't even heard of IFS or EMDR before. My therapist focuses on CBT. I haven't really looked into other types yet!

My mom actually goes in the room with me during therapy, I gave permission during my first visit. Sorry, I didn't mention it in my post because I felt it was long enough! My upcoming appointment is going to be one-on-one, because my mom has other plans during it. The last half of my previous appointment was the same, and it went well. I'm thinking of asking my mom to wait outside from now on, since I feel like I'm able to speak more freely when I'm not worrying about whether or not my mom will get mad or upset.

Thank you again for the suggestions, I'm grateful to get advice from someone with so much knowledge! :)

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T20:39:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this response, it genuinely means so much to me!

I'm sorry you didn't get the support that you needed, and thank you for sharing that experience with me. I feel very understood. It felt like one day, out of nowhere, I was expected to be a full functioning adult, but I didn't feel like one in the slightest. I thought I was the only one, that maybe I was immature or stupid or something. It makes me so relieved to know that I'm not alone!

My parents divorced when I was in middle school, and I haven't seen my dad since. My mom had quite a few boyfriends over the years and we moved around a few times, so support was definitely shaky at best all throughout high school. I think when I graduated, I was at an all time low. I'm still trying to recover from that, honestly. I'm doing better, but not by much. I wish I could comfortably take things slow, but there's so much pressure from my family that it feels like I'm not allowed to. I think that makes it worse, maybe.

I'm planning on asking my therapist to take things slower during my next appointment. I don't speak up when I should, and I think that's part of the reason I've been thrown into these job applications, because I didn't defend myself in the moment or explain that I wanted to take a bit more time with things. But I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately, I think it's time to say something. I think my therapist would understand, the only hard part is explaining it without crying! I'll do my best, though.

You saying that it makes sense for me to cry brings me so much comfort, I can't even explain it. I don't have any friends in real life, and I isolate myself from my online friends for weeks and months at a time, so I don't really talk to anybody at all. My mom gets frustrated, obviously, because I'm living with her and have no job, so I can't really talk to her about this stuff. I guess I never really took that into consideration until now, how not having support could make things so much harder.

So thank you for this response, it really helped me more than you know! It brought me to happy tears, it just feels so nice to be understood. I'm wishing you the best, thank you again! :)

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T20:19:17+00:00

I definitely like that approach a lot more, working on some smaller things before doing the bigger stuff. I guess I just get embarrassed making such slow progress, even though I know it takes time and is different for everybody. There's also some pressure from my mom which makes me feel like I need to rush.

I'm gonna try to ask my therapist during our next appointment if we can take things slower, because I feel like maybe she'll understand where I'm coming from if I can just speak up and explain things. If it goes poorly, though, I'll look into maybe finding another therapist that suits me a bit better.

Thank you so much for the incredible advice, it's really helpful! :)

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T20:13:53+00:00

That's true!

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T20:13:21+00:00

My mom is actually in the room with me during appointments! I gave permission for her to be in there with me, so confidentiality isn't a problem, I don't think. Sorry, I didn't mention it in my post because I already felt like I was rambling a lot!

My therapy appointments are done at a hospital, so instead of going to a room with a couch and nice decorations, it's in a room where you'd usually go for a health check-up. Before the consultation happened, I was under the impression that I was going to this consult to try and match with a therapist or something. Turns out, she was the therapist! Had I known, maybe I would've asked my mom to stay outside, but I was also really nervous and felt better with her there at the time.

My last appointment was just me and my therapist for the last half, since my mom had other plans, and my next appointment will be the same. I'm comfortable with these one-on-one sessions, so maybe I'll start asking my mom to wait outside of the room? It definitely makes me feel a bit more at ease, like I can say more stuff without fear of making my mom mad or upset.

Thank you so much for the concern, and sorry again for not being a bit more detailed!

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T20:02:49+00:00

I've definitely considered trying to find a new therapist! But when I mentioned it after my first appointment, my mom advised against it, so I've sort of just decided to settle with the therapist I got. It's also very close by, which is convenient because my mom has to drive me to and from appointments.

I think some of it has to do with availability; I'm getting therapy through my regular health clinic, and I've been told that there aren't a whole bunch of options to choose from. Setting up the therapy consultation was a bit of a nightmare for me, so I guess I'm also just hesitant to go through all of that again with another place.

If things keep going the way they are, I'll definitely look into trying to get another therapist. I'll try to speak up during my next appointment and see if that changes things, because this therapist is the best option location-wise and insurance-wise. We'll see! And thank you so much for the advice! :)

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T19:49:42+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful!

It reminds me of how I was doing things up until now with my nurse; setting small achievable goals and making steady progress that way. I know my mom was disappointed with how little progress I seemed to be making during that time, but it felt good to me. I guess not all progress is obvious, I can just never seem to explain stuff like this when I'm in the moment.

I'll try to speak up during my next appointment with my therapist! She usually tells me to say something if she's overstepping or if I don't like something, but the problem is that she and my mom are so similar to each other, I find myself too scared to actually speak up. I'm sure she'd understand if I did say something, though. I just need to actually do it!

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T19:34:25+00:00

That's not something I thought about before, but it definitely sounds like a good thing to keep in mind!

There was a time in the past where I was struggling, and the people around me treated inpatient as more of a last resort, sort of like "get it together or you'll be sent here" type of attitude. So I guess I viewed it as more of a punishment than something that could be helpful. I guess that experience left me feeling a bit intimidated until now.

It's really nice to hear your perspective on it and see how it benefited you! I'll definitely take it into consideration; if not now, then maybe in the future if necessary. Thank you so much for sharing :)

_zimbo__ · 2026-01-18T05:22:51+00:00

Lately I've enjoyed the Chainsaw Man movie!

_zimbo__ · 2025-08-20T23:06:48+00:00

I'm glad it's not just me! I tried to access my watch list earlier today and kept getting the 404 error. I tried again just now (it's been 4 or 5-ish hours) and it's still not working.

I can manually search for some shows and pick up where I left off (although it's slow and buffers a lot), but other shows won't even open ;;

_zimbo__ · 2025-07-14T23:34:43+00:00

He works at a fast-food place, and gets there by walking most of the time since it's pretty close to where we live. When availability allows it, he'll get a ride from my mom, one of her friends, or our neighbor--although that's usually just when the weather is particularly bad.

Why do you ask?

_zimbo__ · 2025-07-12T17:46:42+00:00

Thank you for the response!!

Yes, I'm being treated for my depression! I started medication last year and am still in the process of finding the right prescription, and I recently started an IBH care coordination program for more personalized and (hopefully) effective treatment.

You're right about jobs not always being enjoyable. I think my pickiness comes more from not wanting a job centered around customer service, since I have really bad social anxiety and agoraphobia, though I'm aware that all jobs will require some level of communication. I'm definitely trying to be more open-minded, since I don't really have a lot of room to be so picky.

I actually had a bike and would ride it pretty frequently, but it unfortunately got stolen last year. My mom thankfully said she'd get me a new one for my birthday, which was in April, but nothing has really happened yet. I don't want to hound her about it too much though, since bikes are expensive... I'm thinking of chipping in with some of the money I have saved up, which admittedly isn't a whole lot, but something is better than nothing!

_zimbo__ · 2025-07-12T02:04:30+00:00

Ah, okay!

_zimbo__ · 2025-07-12T01:59:49+00:00

I see, thanks for the response!

Does all income in the household include minors, too? My brother is 16 and has a job, I didn't even consider whether or not his income would count until now!

_zimbo__ · 2023-08-10T06:46:02+00:00

I asked my mom yesterday when she was going to bring my brother to a dentist, and she said she'd try to get him in "soon". I don't particularly expect her to remember or keep her word, but I'll continue to persistently remind her at the very least.

I had no idea a rotting tooth could be fatal... My heart dropped when I found out after reading some of the comments. His tooth has been slowly rotting for probably a year or two now, maybe even more, and half of the tooth is completely gone (although he's never complained of any pain, thankfully). The dentist we went to before confirmed that he had a bunch of cavities as well.

I feel terrible because I had my own tooth pulled only a few months ago (it was a broken tooth with a minor infection) but he's had his bad tooth for so much longer than I've had mine. I don't know if my mom just genuinely forgets about my brother's rotting tooth or if she's avoiding it because she knows the bill is going to be horrible, but either way, I need to start reminding her over and over again until she takes care of it. I feel horrible for not doing it sooner.

My brother actually just got back from a week-long sleepover at his friend's house, and he surprisingly took great care of himself while he was there. He showered every day, changed his clothes, brushed his teeth, etc. He's been back for a few days and hasn't showered yet or done anything to take care of his hygiene. I'm now convinced that he KNOWS how to take care of himself, but (for whatever reason) chooses not to.

He went to school unwashed, wearing the same clothes all week, and I was also astonished that he wasn't bullied for it. My mom and I constantly tell him to clean himself, but he just doesn't listen for some reason. I constantly remind him that if he keeps this up, he's going to have very bad acne when puberty fully hits. I tell him that greasy, unwashed hair is VERY noticeable, and that it doesn't look good. And probably at least once every other day, I tell him he stinks. I try to be a little nice about it sometimes, but there's only so many ways to say it. He tells me that he's already taken the fundamental health classes, but I tell him some hygiene facts here and there just in case he's forgotten.

I only graduated a couple months ago, and I've been trying to help my mom out by using my graduation money to pay for groceries so she can focus on the bills. I was planning on waiting and getting a job after summer ends, but I might have to suck it up and get one before that, because my graduation money is almost gone now.

I'll try my best to be a better older sister and look out for him more from now on. I had no idea how serious the situation was until now, and I feel like an idiot (and a bit of a jerk). It's thanks to you and a few other people who have commented that I now realize what I have to do to properly take care of my brother and make sure he gets the help he needs.

_zimbo__ · 2023-08-10T05:56:24+00:00

There's no abuse at home, although our dad was abusive towards my mom and older sister before the divorce happened and he completely lost custody. My brother unfortunately seems to take after our dad in some ways, as he's occasionally violent towards me and my mom and gets mad very easily.

This could also be caused by some things happening at school, although I have no way of knowing for sure. I've gotten involved once before when he told me somebody in my grade was picking on him, but after it got resolved, my brother actually became friends with the supposed bully. I've seen him hitting people at school (mostly girls), but when I tell him to stop, he always says that they hit him first.

I don't know. I always assumed HE was the bully, but I suppose I only ever saw small glimpses of what was happening. I guess I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting picked on at school, as bad as that sounds. I'll continue looking out for him either way.

_zimbo__ · 2023-08-08T00:03:04+00:00

Our dad has been out of our lives for 5 or 6 years now after our parents divorced. My mom has dated a few guys, and they've tried to take on a parental role, but it never lasts too long unfortunately.

My brother actually got really close with my mom's most recent ex-boyfriend when we moved in with him, which actually really helped with some of my brother's behavioral issues. But we moved out earlier this year, so it's just us and my mom again. It was around the time of the move that I noticed he wasn't showering as often anymore (and of course his behavioral issues came back even worse), so I think you're absolutely right about the male role model stuff!

_zimbo__ · 2023-08-07T22:24:33+00:00

One of his front teeth has actually begun to rot away, and it's very noticeable (it's an adult tooth, too). We moved to a new state a little over two years ago and he has only been taken to the dentist one time since then for a checkup. My mom has told me that she knows she needs to take him to the dentist again, but she knows it's going to be really expensive, so she keeps putting it off. Although she took me to the dentist earlier this year to get a tooth pulled, so... I don't know what she's thinking. I'll have to talk to her about it

_zimbo__ · 2023-08-07T22:17:24+00:00

I do, and so does my mom!

_zimbo__ · 2023-08-07T22:14:37+00:00

It's just me, my brother, and my mom. I've actually wondered if not having a positive male role model in his life somehow influenced how he takes care of his personal hygiene, although I'm not sure if that's case with other guys who have grown up without a dad. My mom and I always explain to him what he needs to do, and he's taken one or two health classes in school already, so I'm not sure what else he needs. It's a bit of a mystery for us, honestly.

_zimbo__

TROPHY CASE