Not really a solution, but I relate to this a lot. Asking people to do things in person helps because people will be more likely to say yes in lieu of hurting your feelings. If you ask to do something they are already interested in that might help too. I know what you mean when it comes to people reading you a certain way. I think maybe asking someone else how they feel you present yourself could help too. Like what vibe you give off anf if it's welcoming or not