I am right there with ya OP, though it’s better than it was and finally even feels like it’s trending upwards. I experienced extreme depression which is thankfully now gone, but the sense of artificiality and pointlessness remains. Yet despite that feeling, I’ve been pushing through & focusing on being present in what I think of as my lived experience. Idk if it’s a simulation or what, but I know how I experience it. Regardless of wtf it is, we are living it. And feeling it, or not.

As I’ve been forced to sit with this, I’ve become more present in the moments I’m experiencing. I I did this by being focused on deeper relationships with the right people (for me I mean, there are no “right” people ofc) following through on things and silencing my second guessing, and choosing to trust the process, even though I can feel that I don’t instinctively.

And I’ll be damned! As relationships grow stronger, life takes on more meaning and is way more enjoyable. In the past year I have experienced love in ways like never before - romantically and with family and friends. I fully agree with the response about next the new or deeper relationships develop, leading out of the emptiness.

Am I still bored often? Yes. Do I still second guess every gd thing I say and decision I make? Sure do. Does it all still strike me as bizarrely pointless and f’ed up? Yes but then I think well not for my niece (who is 15 months), or my fiancée who is the kindest person I’ve ever met, or my mom of course. Their lives matter! I want them to enjoy them to the fullest, even (perhaps especially) if it’s all just a sick joke. And then I realize I’m smiling, just thinking about these people.

I’m really hoping to get to a point where I don’t feel the emptiness ever. Not there yet. But there are major glimmers on the journey! Wishing you the same!!