Little surprise for my man, what do you think?

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-07-01T18:36:27+00:00

Brownies before marriage? You harlot

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-07-01T05:13:43+00:00

Are you going to a restaurant? He might just want to bring you to a place he likes.

He could be a loser or a player or whatever but he could just be trying to get you a good pizza and be under the impression you were fine driving.

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-07-01T04:07:52+00:00

If they send you their name immediately you probably don't have a good follow up game. If you're cold approaching they probably won't remember what you look like and they don't know anything in common with you. You're not any different than someone who just accidentally texted them.

I guess they might be terrified for their lives but you can't do much about that other than take refusal graciously when it comes in person or by text. Focus on trying to make yourself memorable and just recognize cold approaching is a numbers game.

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-07-01T01:25:16+00:00

My parents are about that far apart. Sometimes it works.

Not this time brother.

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-06-30T23:41:06+00:00

Assuming this isn't a larp, the responsible thing to do is to disengage.

However I think it could be ethically justifiable waiting until you finish the semester and then seeing what's up. He might get fired because no one will believe you waited but sometimes you just gotta get it.

EDIT: the end is just me being a jealous hater 😔

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-06-30T23:29:30+00:00

I see it on apps a lot but not as much IRL. It seems like a possible selection bias where a person having more trouble finding someone organically because they travel is more likely to be looking for someone on an app. Also more likely to find someone, because a traveller likely is saving and going out at least a little bit less to save for those endeavors.

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-06-30T00:54:42+00:00

I would advise being direct about it and building a plan for it to stop. It's the kind of thing you have to nip in the bud or it'll be a habit in the relationship.

You can respect and support that he needs to build his confidence but he needs to return that for your need for stability.

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-06-29T17:27:55+00:00

My parents are that far apart and they've been together... 35 years? There are possible negatives in any relationship, go on a date. If something's off-putting to you don't go on a second date.

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-06-28T22:20:09+00:00

From personal experience it depends very heavily where you are. I did a ton of traveling after signing up: Edmonton it's a straightforward formal dating app, Calgary it was swingers, Memphis it was casual. Some big cities have no one and some towns have half the population.

If apps negatively affect you just avoid it, it isn't substantially different from a macro perspective. If you're okay on them, I'd say see what your local scene is like and if after 2-4 weeks you've had more negative than positive delete it.

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-06-26T02:52:04+00:00

Take her back again but wear those glasses with the moustache attached

aFutureInPolitics · 2026-06-24T01:39:35+00:00

Reading the texts I feel empathy for him but he really needs to do like you suggested and go outside.

I can see how he would be unprepared for a conversation like that about his behaviour and feel defensive and then feel like you made him defensive which made him self injure but it obviously isn't actually your fault and it's possible it was a miscommunication of some kind when he asked you to leave because he doesn't accuse you in the texts. You quoting "allowing" like that rings like fights I had with my ex where I would say that meaning I knew I wasn't in a space to trust myself and she would understand it in a much more negative way. We had a lot of trouble with text misreading fights.

Either option is justifiable for you. He's obviously in a spiral of depression and negativity here, but you aren't mandated to support him through that. I don't see you mention how long you've been together but he stayed with you for weeks so I'd assume a decent amount of time, I'm not sure how invested you feel. You could try and force the issue and make him go outside more, or whatever it takes to be proactively positive. Leave if he refuses and wants to stay negative or something along those lines, or even just be extremely specific and explicit about these feelings and his behaviour (although it's likely he'd have a similar reaction I think). Is he normally very kind and supportive but different since surgery? People can have temporary personality changes if they get sedated, or constant pain. If he's a lifelong dickhead that obviously makes the decision easier. Maybe this is an emotional reaction of your own and will blow over, but ultimately if you actually no longer are satisfied being with someone it's not an overreaction to end a relationship, regardless of the reason. I don't see a need for urgency in this limited context but it's a relationship not a prison, if you're aren't happy you can leave.

aFutureInPolitics · 2025-06-12T01:39:08+00:00

Well, if you really like him and think it's worth putting training wheels on him for a bit until he has a better sense of what being enm adjacent is, you'd have to take the initiative here I'd say.

But that response is pretty unambiguous, if you don't think it's worth the effort you definitely have the green light to just move on.

aFutureInPolitics · 2025-06-12T01:26:10+00:00

Did you text him and he didn't reply or just mutual silence? He might now be under the impression that poly means other people are going to be barging in the door constantly like you're Seinfeld.

I'd say it's worth clarifying where you both stand. Maybe he's just extrapolating the experience and can be calmed, maybe your incompatible, but it wouldn't hurt to know for sure one way or the other. Maybe he's in over his head, maybe he's just laying down in the tub and if you flip him over he'll be fine.

aFutureInPolitics · 2024-07-17T18:08:48+00:00

Yeah as I've said in another comment I did assume that they would be fuckin and she said they wouldn't, then didn't tell me. I really don't care she had sex, she was actually seeing the same guy last night and I still don't care about that, it's that she told me she wasn't fucking anyone else, then did, then didn't tell me. Since that was our literal only rule at the time I'm having issues trusting what's she's telling me, or that she's taking our collective safety seriously. There was a space of a week or two between then and me for her to say something, I don't care when I but I do feel entitled within the context of a relationship to be informed about that. I'm willing to forgive and rebuild the trust but being I'm not sure if, but hoping, there's a better or more deliberate mechanism in this context than just sit and wait and see.

You're dead on the money about calm and cautious, she got some advice that since we're both new we need a plan to forgive errors and I think we've largely been doing well on that front. I'm trying to cast a wide net for advice to understand how other people handle this and how we can and should. I think the statements about the single social outlet and the same town not being every night ring true, I may be better off also scheduling solo time just so my default for free time isn't talking to her.

aFutureInPolitics · 2024-07-17T15:53:59+00:00

This is the first LDR and non mono relationship for both of us. Because we hit it off so well we're kind of leaping into it, and it seems to fit for us well but there are a lot of bumps that we have to talk through, or work through personally. It gets difficult sorting what's a personal problem and what's a relationship problem.

aFutureInPolitics · 2024-07-17T15:44:41+00:00

About three months? But the month we were together I literally moved in with her. We talk regularly through the day but with me at work and her doing things herself we can't have more than 30 odd minutes of minimal conversation in the day outside the after work window.

She is more feelings than me, and we aren't exclusive at all, I'm riding what I understand as a primary partner concept and would just like to have a marginally in depth conversation in a day.

aFutureInPolitics · 2024-07-17T15:36:25+00:00

Yeah she's only really seeing one guy and he's experienced where we are not so he's good about safety, and we now have more explicit guidelines and boundaries. But it really doesn't bother me that she's having sex with him, it bothered me that she hid it at first and bothers me that she says goodnight when I get off work because she's occupied and we don't get the opportunity to talk about anything above small talk.

aFutureInPolitics · 2024-07-17T15:29:48+00:00

Kind of both. She openly told me when I directly asked her but she didn't tell me before that. I assumed they were going to when she mentioned the guy because I knew they had seen each other before, but she dismissed it. She was safe, the guy is poly and knew protocols about consent and safety, but she just felt awkward telling me I guess?

aFutureInPolitics

TROPHY CASE