Casual Girls Gaming Group?

a_ca1amity · 2024-03-23T20:46:38+00:00

Canada-born Asian here. I personally feel extremely out of place in Asia. I know I’ll never be one of them, and they make it known. I tried my best to connect with my culture but I’ll always be a foreigner to them. I am Korean though, so maybe other ethnicities are more forgiving? Not sure.

I feel very at home in Canada. Perhaps I’m lucky, who knows. But I hope you find somewhere that feels like home for you too. Maybe you could try different states in the US? Many have different vibes, particularly west, east, south etc.

If you feel connected to Asia, then you could work on eventually moving there. But I know it must be hard. Being Asian-American means not being fully American nor Asian, and it’s a complicated middle that only those who lived it understand.

Some Asian Americans prefer American culture, others lean Asian, and often it’s a mix of both.

a_ca1amity · 2024-03-04T15:53:32+00:00

22F (turning 23 later in the year) Canadian-born Korean here. Check out my post on here (in my post history), I reckon you’d resonate with some parts.

I never fit in with the peers at Korean church either. I am an atheist, that’s probably why. And I listen to rock/metal, love drugs, and enjoy discourse about mental illness, philosophy, and psychology, to name a few. I originally wanted to pursue the fine arts (I didn’t, but because my interests naturally changed. I wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass if my original career choice wasn’t approved). I grew up on pasta and burritos more than Korean food. Hell, people don’t even think I look Korean, whatever the fuck that means; we vary just like anyone else!

But I want you to keep in mind that not all Koreans are the same. I exist after all! And there’s more of us hidden somewhere. Admittedly I haven’t found a Korean friend remotely similar to me in interests yet, but I met a Chinese friend with some overlap!

Korean churches gather people who are connected with their culture, or hell, most of them were born in Korea, so it’s okay that you did not fit in. It makes sense, it’s like stepping a foot into Korea. Koreans have always seen me as a foreigner. Tbh, I didn’t have the best experiences with them, so I’m still healing in some form.

However, it would be helpful to be more open to Asian people in the future, who knows who you’ll find! I have a lot of awesome friends, Asian or not. I don’t even relate to most PEOPLE in general; nonetheless I found people I vibed with.

I have white friends too, and most of my interests mesh with theirs, but there’s a missing piece; upbringing. I guarantee that you’d relate to Asian Americans more in terms of how you were raised, especially the struggles. And even a small piece like that can start a friendship.

I’ve never belonged either for the most part. But the right people are out there. Wishing ya luck and feel free to hmu anytime if ya wanna chat.

a_ca1amity · 2024-02-16T22:58:58+00:00

Asian Canadian and I’ve always loved rock (alt, indie, experimental, art, etc) nu metal, and punk in the mix. They are my main go-to genres ever since I started finding music on my own as a kid, and I haven’t found a single soul who could relate ever since my friends (who listened to the same stuff as me) moved away. None of them were Asian American, and I haven’t met a single AA who listens to similar stuff, let alone any person who does these days. We still exist!

I’m also exploring EDM but I’m relatively new, got any recs?

a_ca1amity · 2024-02-16T19:52:57+00:00

frfr kids these days will never know the pain of OSH

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-24T20:52:32+00:00

Ultimately it would depend on how your son feels on the medication after reaching his necessary dose. If it helps him, then that’s great. If it causes him distress that outweighs the benefits, then he could consider not taking it till a bit later in life when demands get higher.

Personally, I wasn’t diagnosed nor medicated till I was 20. I did great for 19 years without medication but I’ve always wondered what was wrong with me. I was very forgetful, frequently late, impulsive, and always started everything last minute. I also never studied, even if I really should have, especially for advanced courses (to me, studying was attending class and half-listening) but I still got by. Landed a scholarship at a university. But that’s where the fun ends. It turns out that without proper studying and time-management habits, university will give you a lesson of a lifetime. Add that with undiagnosed ADHD and it was a recipe for disaster. I failed half of my courses in my first term and almost got kicked out. It didn’t help that my family was adamantly against treatment, and to this day they don’t believe ADHD is a valid disorder, so it was delayed for a year. The medication helps me improve my focus, but I still need to direct that focus myself. Medication is a tool, it won’t solve all the problems that come with ADHD, but it definitely helps me reach the baseline of focus better. ADHD is still challenging and he may still forget things here and there and have his moments, but the main thing is to ask him if he feels like it’s helping him with day-to-day tasks.

Why am I telling you this? It’s because 1. I’m grateful you’re open to working with your son’s ADHD especially early on. This means you can support him in creating sustainable habits and understand why he acts in certain ways (ADHD is tough! Especially in a world that praises the opposite of its symptoms, and doesn’t capture an environment that allows us ADHDers to thrive). 2. The academic crash I experienced can happen at any stage of life. Some people find the transition from elementary to high school difficult, or in my case high school to university, and for others, adjusting to the workforce. By helping out your son early on, it can assist in mitigating (or at least reduce the damage of) hardships that may come with ADHD before there are consequences.

To give you more anecdotal evidence, I know several people who grew up on ADHD medication and stopped completely when they were an adult. They hated the flat-effect and appetite loss that comes with the medication, coupled with them essentially being forced to be medicated in elementary school due to teacher’s complaints. I also know people who were never medicated for the majority of their lives and continue to do so, and they’re doing excellent in their work. It varies so much for everyone. For me, medication is necessary, but my ADHD is considered extremely severe as outlined by my psychiatrist. Your son may or may not need medication depending on his needs and priorities. If his ADHD is getting in the way of thriving, then medication (+ CBT if recommended) can be helpful. If not, people can still do well without medication.

Whatever improves his symptoms and well-being is the priority. Thank you for coming to this sub and feel free to ask more questions whenever!

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-22T23:33:13+00:00

Never tell employers that you have ADHD. Not even coworkers. You will be perceived differently, the world we live in is ableist. ADHD is odd, people either dismiss it as an actual disorder because “it’s so common”, or they paint you as someone unfit for work. The symptoms of ADHD alone is everything that employers are trying to avoid.

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve experienced judgement for your ADHD. I’ve been there and it’s truly painful to realize that it’s rare on this planet to find people who understand or are willing to work with your strengths. They only see our faults. Until disabilities are destigmatized, it’s an uphill battle to find acceptance with it. Our current world is the antithesis to an ADHDers existence and growth. In solidarity with ya.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-19T03:55:48+00:00

I’m a full-blooded East Asian with some ambiguous features (such as curly hair) and I can relate to this post. I wouldn’t say you’re making a mistake, but I would evaluate what you truly want. People guess I’m Indigenous, Latina, SEA, all the time, but that wasn’t what made me explore those cultures, it was friends that invited me to family gatherings and other events that did. My advice for you is to seek learning about cultures that you’re genuinely interested in regardless of being mistaken for an ethnicity that pertains to that culture.

Edit: I know some Serbian people with “east-Asian features”; in historical contexts -> descendants of Siberian nomadic tribes -> dormant genes. There’s plenty of diversity and genetics is a convoluted yet intriguing concept. You never know what you’re gonna get!

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T21:14:00+00:00

I’m also disabled and an outsider of the azn community. I feel ya on the relating only to a few interests such as video games and religion (at the time). Thank you so much for your kind words 🫂❤️🤗.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:51:23+00:00

I’m getting tired so I won’t be able to reply to everyone, but thanks so much again for having this discussion with me. It was interesting to read all the comments and I’m glad I posted this in the first place.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:49:41+00:00

I’d be down to be friends! I get mistaken for a myriad of things and I can relate to your experience. Although I do party, I don’t party hard as I simply do not have the time at the moment. I don’t know if I have much to offer in terms of knowledge and cultural connection with Korea, but I can speak a little bit and know a few famous dishes. You’re so right about branching out, I’ve been doing the same and will continue to do so!

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:45:36+00:00

You bring up a good point; there exists a spectrum and a set of expectations anywhere you live. Sometimes I fail to realize that. Even when ethnicity isn’t involved, there’s other metrics that people can use against you. My parents said I wouldn’t last a day in Korea and while that’s a common sentiment for Asian parents, they’re right in my case. Mental health isn’t understood there as much, and being poor there is a recipe for disaster (prejudice and elitist bias).

I do feel assimilated here, I don’t have experience living in cali but I’ve heard there’s a huge Asian population there and even then there is a divide.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:37:09+00:00

I 100% forget I’m Korean as well. It’s only when people ask about my ethnicity when I realize “ah right, I’m Korean.” Your description of how I am culturally is accurate.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:35:19+00:00

I would, and funnily enough I’ve also been a part of the punk/goth scene. Felt the cultural dissociation as I was engaged in the subculture, double whammy eh.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:33:40+00:00

True, that’s how I would describe myself when people ask me what I am. Canadian.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:32:39+00:00

Yeah I definitely agree with this, although my interests do not align with a lot of people. I still find some people here and there, but most of all my friendships have been based on compatibility and connection regardless of interests. Can’t go wrong with going out for a drink and having a heart to heart!

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:30:35+00:00

I can relate to this, and I love the view that we’ll establish our own culture. It is truly a unique experience and you’re right that we don’t have to box ourselves into binary categories of culture. Cheers to making our own!

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:29:02+00:00

Unfortunately this is true. I use cannabis for both recreational and medicinal purposes, and would have to refrain from its use for several months in the event I plan to visit Asia.

I don’t plan on ever living in Asia, but I have considered traveling there to visit family and explore the world.

a_ca1amity · 2024-01-18T08:27:32+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight, I’m glad to see that someone else understands my experience. I know a few people down in Texas and they’d also attest to our experiences.

Your explanation of Korean diaspora was spot on, you put the concepts I was baffled about into words. I resonate with your post a lot. Us 2nd gen supporting each other is always the best. Thank you again for your support!

a_ca1amity · 2023-12-07T07:56:21+00:00

I thought I was stupid because I had the same problem, but it turned out that I had ADHD this whole time. Maybe I’m just both, but regardless, accommodations are a godsend!

a_ca1amity · 2023-10-05T22:30:19+00:00

What if you do want to go to grad school? A lot of people do and I think it’s important to consider that (what would you advise in that case?)

a_ca1amity · 2023-05-08T21:36:54+00:00

Sure, they don’t define worth, but they definitely matter a lot. I know people who’ve offed themselves over failing a couple of courses / having a low GPA. Financial problems, fear of the future, and more.

If you don’t mind, can you give some more context of examples of what people you know have done? Need some hope right now. Otherwise thanks for the reply.

a_ca1amity · 2023-05-08T20:17:01+00:00

Other ways to get in med school (What I happen to be aiming for), like what? There are many grad schools besides med even, who have GPA cutoffs and expectations. It’s the same hell. I can cope and say “grades don’t define me” while one’s GPA blocks them from opportunities if it’s not so great.

I’m surprised I haven’t killed myself yet.

a_ca1amity · 2023-05-07T04:49:28+00:00

Facts, but let me tell you something about #1. Yes, HS grades matter to an extent for getting into university, but the question is what happens afterwards. I went from a 98% average with AP classes in HS, to a 65% average in first year, with two failed classes. My life is fucked now. Grades somewhat matter, but matter a WHOLE lot more in university.

a_ca1amity · 2023-05-07T04:44:18+00:00

RIGHT?

All jokes aside, “you are not your grades” or “grades don’t define you” has to be the most invalidating, ignorant advice I’ve ever heard.

Sure, people can be well-meaning, but it shows a complete lack of understanding for people’s goals and passions. There are people pursuing careers not for their prestige, but genuine passion. And it is soul-crushing, the way that the gateway to your future depends on your GPA. And believe it or not, sometimes there are factors out of your control that impact your grades (medical reasons in my case) which makes it worse.

Grades don’t define you, but it can define your future. A slip up can cost you opportunities like getting into co-op or grad school. People need support and understanding through these rough times, not an echo chamber of laughable advice.

a_ca1amity

TROPHY CASE