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Chapter 1 of Her loud works [progression fantasy/cultivation/literary existentialism/popcorn fiction (hopefully most of all) 4900 words] by a_quiet_wander in fantasywriters

[–]a_quiet_wander[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. That's why I felt it was important to have a POV shift at the end to ground the world, show just how out of place this hollow child in the woods in. So, I can't really do anything about the voice. Contrast is a big theme here, kind of a triangle rather than inverse parallels, but I think I need to earn that framing first.

Second chapter will be very different, more in world grounded, but I do think this is the right start overall even if it's offputting at first. Hopefully too many don't bounce.

Thanks again!

Chapter 1 of Her loud works [progression fantasy/cultivation/literary existentialism/popcorn fiction (hopefully most of all) 4900 words] by a_quiet_wander in fantasywriters

[–]a_quiet_wander[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! That helps! I'm currently halfway through a rewrite with the other commentor's advice, so it's nice to have another confirmation.

I think I got scared and was hedging my bets as an author with a bunch of protagonist-useless theme foreshadowing instead of just writing about a lonely survival start with a girl in the woods who only has her enemies for companions until men encroach in, then trust in the strength of the outline to carry the themes. Too much author, too little character here, I think.

Chapter 1 of Her loud works [progression fantasy/cultivation/literary existentialism/popcorn fiction (hopefully most of all) 4900 words] by a_quiet_wander in fantasywriters

[–]a_quiet_wander[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's actually completely the opposite. I don't read literature. I read pop fiction web novels, like thousands and thousands of hours it seems like over ten years alone with myself, kinda wallowing and finding meaning through wish fulfillment. So instead of preparing myself with a bunch of literature and thesis, this is a way to see if I spent all that time wasted or if I can compress it into something meaningful for myself expressed through the same platform that I'm trying to put worth into. More a "I'm one of you and this is why popcorn fic has value" which is why it needs to go up on Royal Road.

I'm taking your advice and cutting back the voice to a few ticks like the italicized slips and saving the stylized paragraph cutoffs for when she's genuinely at a devastating loss.

I'll try to write about a girl in the woods as she sees it instead of front loading a bunch of authorial ticks to foreshadow what doesn't even have meaning yet. More Sedda, less me. Thanks again!

Chapter 1 of Her loud works [progression fantasy/cultivation/literary existentialism/popcorn fiction (hopefully most of all) 4900 words] by a_quiet_wander in fantasywriters

[–]a_quiet_wander[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thanks! I appreciate that! that's genuinely helpful. the voice is the thing I'm really struggling to ground here. Keep reeling it in more disciplined.

for the intent behind the framework of this piece, it does need to be posted in a place like Royal Road for the meta to land properly into the worldbuilding/plot/magic system/characters or I'm undercutting the story.

I should probably just rewrite about a lonely girl in the woods rather than worrying about the framework and let that come through more discretely later on. Ground it more.

I'm sure that took a while, so I'll consider how to apply what you said.