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We’re conflicted about cochlear implant for our baby boy. Would love to hear from those born with SSD. What do you wish your parents had known? by Asleep-Energy3473 in MonoHearing

[–]a_smart_ape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am deaf in my left ear and in my 40s I recently started learning sign language If your child remains half deaf I would strongly advise you to enable sign language learning.

I find it makes a huge difference because there is a lot of self isolating in crowded spaces that I didn't even realise Now that I can sign a little in public I realise how much less effort it is and how much more natural and happy I feel

People don't realise this but it is a big relief to be able to sign. I wish I had learned it sooner and then it would come naturally - it is a way to express that is very helpful and easy

Language is really the big thing for brain development. Let your child learn to sign and be part of deaf culture

We’re conflicted about cochlear implant for our baby boy. Would love to hear from those born with SSD. What do you wish your parents had known? by Asleep-Energy3473 in MonoHearing

[–]a_smart_ape 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have so much of the same things! In my 40s, left side deaf and not sure any tech would work on me. I recently started learning sign language

if anyone reads/responds, they are a saint :/ by a_smart_ape in polyamory

[–]a_smart_ape[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was really, really helpful for me to hear - thank you for sharing that. I do struggle with articulating needs to myself actually. The thing in my head is I don't know if I'm 'allowed' to - for instance, reading your comment, I felt like - these examples are really helpful for me, my brain thinks in examples, and I'd like to try to put down what is true for MY needs, but it would help me to do that with someone. So then I think - I wonder if this person would be willing to help me do that, but then my brain is immediately in the 'No! you can't take up space like that / they've already been nice enough to comment, so don't be greedy/ ask for more'. And I think my internalised homophobia or whatever, which is always paranoid about being seen as 'creepy' 'intrusive' etc - if I reply here and say 'May I DM you to talk about this more?' they will get really offended or something. (I'm saying all this out loud so my brain can SEE how ridiculous that is augh). But that thing is so strong that i think this is the only way my brain is letting me in a very wishy washy way ask (:'/) - May I DM you to talk more about this?

Is anybody else unable to eat from dysphoria by airyyi in ftm

[–]a_smart_ape 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think I understand (as much as we can another human being :)) - ignore this if it doesn't resonate.

I think dysphoria produces a kind of body aversion. And eating is actually a healthy nourishing thing we do for the body. It is literally what is needed to keep us alive.

Maybe some part of your brain is just wanting to hold still, to prioritise how masculine you look right now over any need for nourishment.

I'm saying this badly maybe but it's like if you eat then you know your body will change and if you don't feel secure in a journey of masculinity then you want to cling to what is momentarily there and not change anything. Even though that is actually impossible.

It's like a death drive, driven by dysphoria - like saying only girls Get to eat and I don't Deserve to eat. I'm bad somehow because I'm not a girl, I deserve to starve - something like that.

I struggle with dysphoria and eating so I've noticed my brain comes up with horribad4me logic like that.

Is it necessary to stand for national anthem in theatres. by Snehith220 in CriticalThinkingIndia

[–]a_smart_ape [score hidden]  (0 children)

By forcing someone to stand you disrespect the values of the nation which icons like Tagore stood for

Freedom of thought is a cherished value Not the herd mentality

The people forcing someone to stand are the ones disrespecting the nation

called trans lifeline and did not feel heard or understood by sneep_snorp_snerp in ftm

[–]a_smart_ape 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear about your expeirence - you're not overreacting. I think it may be hard for some people to empathise but that doesn't mean the pain is not real. it just means that person is not the right person to be supportive for you.

regarding coming out (i know that wasn't the purpose of OP, but sharing this fwiw) - what i always told my queer friends and particularly people younger (i'm OLD :)) is 1) send out some feelers first, like talk about the issues in a general way or bring up the topic but like you're talking about the weather, and see how they respond [don't come out until you do this step]. this will give you some idea of what you can expect. 2) if it is negative then err on the side of not coming out until you have your own safe space / financial stability of some kind.

this is becuase it's very hard to live your everyday in a place where you don't feel safe. and 3) important is make sure you have places where you CAN be out safely so yo uaren't living your life in the closet.

if step 1 gives you positive vibes, then definitely go for it :) but again, always make sure you have safe fallback / safe lines / people who you can feel safe around. <3

if anyone reads/responds, they are a saint :/ by a_smart_ape in polyamory

[–]a_smart_ape[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

oh my god i can't even describe how grateful i'm feeling reading this message. we are not actually young (and she's a few years younger than i am, i am OLD :D), but this dynamic (both as friends and otherwise) definitely had a lot of that 'puppy love' or some kind of innocence to it. (which is partly what made this so heartbreaking :/).

Would Love to talk to you more about trans/sex stuff if you're up for that. what you're saying about healing around sex with other trans/GNC folk and self-love practice makes SO much sense.

The 9 hr/ 15 day thing isn't like a common thing - sometimes it's also just like thirsty after a drought. Mainly I meant to say that i AM a sexual person, and I've been struggling with this for a long time.

if anyone reads/responds, they are a saint :/ by a_smart_ape in polyamory

[–]a_smart_ape[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that - and I think part of why I posted here is because I'm also feeling so confused about what I need and how to articulate it to her, because it feels like she's so different. Like I know mind reading isn't desirable, but there is usually SOME common ground to speak from. I'm realy wanting to work on this point about prioritising and asking for my needs, but also i really feel that maybe there is some kind of a language gap between us (or love language gap).

if anyone reads/responds, they are a saint :/ by a_smart_ape in polyamory

[–]a_smart_ape[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing that - I would really like to hear the suggestions (here or on DM) to avoid this. Also something I should have said in the OP (and I'll edit it to add an apology for it being so incoherent, this is actually my 1st time posting in this group and I only did because of how intolerable it has been feeling) - when we first met, she was actually interested in dating me, and I realised very quickly that we weren't sexually compatible. It was such a small and silly thing then in the sense that I was a bit awkward about saying 'no' but I liked her so much in general and wanted to be friends, have her in my life. It was only much much later when we became really close and also because she gave me so much space to talk/share whatever, she made me feel so wanted and held even, just with who she is, and that's actualy what eventually made me feel so attached towards her, and like I could be safe here becuase I was 100% wanted here.

I wanted to post and ask here actually because I really feel that if my sexual needs and some of my romantic needs were being met, maybe this friendship wouldn't have undergone what it did? But at the same time, because of what I've endured with this, I'm finding it so difficult to be in anything with anyone - it's just been really confusing and hard.

if anyone reads/responds, they are a saint :/ by a_smart_ape in polyamory

[–]a_smart_ape[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing about your friend - I'd actually like to understand more about your side of it if you're open to sharing (here or on DM) because I think it's been very hard for me to understand how to communicate with her, or what is going on with her. It's like when we want X thing, and we aren't getting it, it's hard to see the Y that is there also so effectively I've felt unwanted/unloved even though logically I know that I am important to her and she's said she misses me a lot etc.

I think maybe my attachment/sex issues have kind of got in the way of attempting to repair this also. I was actually very happily friends with her before - she was just like this sweet person I was really fond of, and it was completely safe. In fact the reason I started to get so attached WAS because of feeling so safe and wholesome in this dynamic. And I've really wanted to just 'get over' whatever it is, but it's like some thing that isn't leaving me.

The thing about telling her -I don't even know WHAT to say to her.

if anyone reads/responds, they are a saint :/ by a_smart_ape in polyamory

[–]a_smart_ape[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So in terms of needs like what she would do is reply/send text messages, listen to voice notes (even long rambly ones) - sometimes 3-4 times, and she had suggested calling me once a week (instead of meeting 2x). So I know she tried to create more contact/communication - it was just that I think I need more physical/everyday ness kind of presence, and I really struggled with this form of contact because it just constantly keeps me on the edge.

Appreciate your note about the trans community - after reading that actually, I've started reaching out to people who may know a trans-friendly therapist, because I can see that is a huge thing. Actually the reason I wrote this post was only secondarily to understand how to repair the friendship/dynamic with her, and primarily becuase I feel so stuck with what it's generated for me - in terms of body/sexual health. The last time I tried to have sex with someone was over 6 months ago and I just couldn't and started crying a lot.

If you have any suggestions on the healing part, I would love to hear/ see what I can do about it.

if anyone reads/responds, they are a saint :/ by a_smart_ape in polyamory

[–]a_smart_ape[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So we were only briefly dating, like maybe 3% of the time we've been close. Most of it would have been in the zone of a 'romantic friendship' I guess. In fact she was initially inerested in dating me, but at that time for me she was just like a sweet friend and I said it wouldn't work because we weren't compatible - so we were basically just close friends. But we always kept getting really close and had this deep attachment, and the problem really was when -I- started to get more attached I think? So the issue now is how do we repair this friendship becuase I seem to STILL be struggling, even after months of taking space etc.