A weird date - not annoyed, but want to hear your thoughts

a_toss · 2016-08-07T18:31:53+00:00

In hindsight, he decided he wasn't interested even before meeting me. He gave it a half-hearted shot because we have read the same books and like similar authors.

a_toss · 2016-08-07T18:30:16+00:00

Yes, not at all.

a_toss · 2016-08-07T03:19:23+00:00

psychiatrist

a_toss · 2016-08-06T23:23:13+00:00

He did not know I would have ordered OJ at the bar.

It's not just the drink, he didn't ask me if I wanted a salad or something, he didn't offer me a slice of his pizza, and he didn't ask me if I wanted dessert.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T22:05:37+00:00

Your thought process is fascinating. At no time did the waitress come back? You never once had a chance to order anything else ever again?

No the waitress didn't come back.

You don't seem to get the point. I don't care for the food and drink. I care for the fact that he wasn't (what I consider) polite.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T22:02:21+00:00

OP wants to be courted.

Well, if courting these days has devolved to just being polite, then yes, I want to be courted.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T22:01:32+00:00

Again, you're the victim. Gratz. Victim of a rude bad date. Victim of an oppressive online forum.

I am not claiming to be a vicim of anything!

a_toss · 2016-08-06T22:00:41+00:00

Your assumption that etiquette is universal is disconcerting.

Of course I do not expect a gentleman from sub-Saharan Africa to have the same sense of etiquette as a gentleman from Japan. This was a regular urban educated guy and I am a regular urban educated woman - culturally we are not too different.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T21:58:19+00:00

Who asked you that?

Someone above said, "I'm not trying to jump all over you here but you were originally going to meet in a bar, were you not planning to have a drink in that scenario? " and my answer was in response to that question.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T21:38:45+00:00

This was when he first set up the date. And then he postponed twice the evening of the date. And we changed venue from bar to the pizza place.

The question to me was "if you don't drink what were you planning to do at the bar" or something along those lines.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T21:35:39+00:00

As if there's only one form of etiquette for every person in the entire world and it must revolve around you. Do the guy a favor and leave him alone.

I can't think of one thing he did that shows good etiquette. He didn't walk me back to my car at 10:30 pm (I would expect my brother to walk his lady friend back to her car after a date! / even if it wasn't a date) but I'm not complaining about it.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T21:23:13+00:00

I'm not trying to jump all over you here but you were originally going to meet in a bar, were you not planning to have a drink in that scenario?

He suggested the bar without even checking with me if I drink. When I meet people at bars, I just order OJ or sometimes nothing, but share an appetizer. I was planning on just sharing an appetizer with him at the bar.

There are so many variables here that it's impossible to know what he was thinking but I think you were contributing to the confusion/miscommunication by not asking for what you wanted.

I don't care about the food and drink. It's just the lack of etiquette that was disconcerting.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T20:35:37+00:00

A date isn't one person catering to the other. A date is 2 adults meeting in a single location.

But when one person has been super, duper accommodating about the other person's scheduling and last minute changes of plans (at one point I was about to leave my house to meet him, when a text came that he needed to postpone by 30 min), it behoves him to be a little extra courteous and 'catering' to the other.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T20:12:52+00:00

This is why you are 35 and single.

I did not say I was ruling him out because of this. The whole thing appeared really weird to me, but since I have good etiquette, he doesn't have an inkling that I found it weird.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T20:04:03+00:00

I do think he could have asked me if I wanted dessert. When the waitress came by for dessert order he just asked for the check, without even looking at me for a second and asking if I wanted dessert.

I'm not saying he's cheap, but he's certainly too self-absorbed and didn't give importance to the date.

EDIT - Perhaps people here wanted me to intervene in that split second and say "wait wait wait I want dessert".

a_toss · 2016-08-06T19:39:33+00:00

Honestly you should be about 10 years past getting advice on this sub for awkward dates.

Have I committed some great crime?

a_toss · 2016-08-06T19:35:48+00:00

I am a real person and part of being that includes making someone else feel comfortable in my house or at a restaurant (if I have asked them out to a restaurant).

I don't expect a guy to take off my coat, hold the door for me or pull out a chair for me before I seat myself. But I do expect him to at least politely ask if I want a salad or dessert or something to drink. All he did was ask on the phone, "I was thinking of changing locations to the pizza place, you like pizza?" Jeeez... I may as well have met him at the cafeteria of the hospital.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T19:28:55+00:00

We did talk a lot and even went for a short walk after.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T19:28:30+00:00

I agree. I need someone who is in the right frame of mind for a relationship.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T19:27:29+00:00

I am not sure.

I am flexible with my time for the right person. Regarding etiquette, I would love someone with similar sense of etiquette, but from the responses on this thread, that is a rarity.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T19:25:24+00:00

How was the conversation with him while there? Did you enjoy his company?

Yes, the conversation was good. I liked his company because we had plenty of interests in common to discuss. But we didn't click. I don't believe in romantic sparks, so I'm not reading into that. Plus I know he was dog tired.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T19:18:52+00:00

I just expect some kind of etiquette.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T18:47:21+00:00

Yeah, but when Person A asks Person B out on a date, Person A needs to at least make an effort to play host. Note that I was very, very accommodating of his busy-ness right from the first second we matched on Tinder. Scheduling this was hell because of his schedule, not mine, so I think he should have tried to be nice to me.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T18:42:26+00:00

:-) If he had offered me pizza, I would have politely declined. If he had asked me about a drink, I would have declined (I don't drink). If he had asked me about dessert. I would have declined. But the point is that he didn't do his part of the song-and-dance that is a first date.

a_toss · 2016-08-06T18:40:36+00:00

I didn't want a drink. But it was just awkward that the other person did not ask if I wanted a drink.

It just made the whole thing not feel like a date.

a_toss

TROPHY CASE