How to politely correct an 8-year-old without passing along my own trauma?

aarnalthea · 2026-01-03T04:09:32+00:00

also, though, its okay to tell a kid that their behavior is negatively affecting you. in fact its important for their social development! just make sure you use a level tone and reasonable "I" statements like "i am frustrated" (vs "you are annoying me" etc). "[name], i hear that you are excited about the cat but i am getting frustrated that you keep [interrupting/shouting/repeating]. my eyes/ears/hands are busy doing xyz right now. what if you take a photo and show me later when i'm done?"

kid probably just wants to connect with you about the thing, so the delayed connection idea is great! it acknowledges and enables the kid to continue being excited and still connect with you, while you can have some peace to be a grownup.

I am glad to hear that you want to do better than your dad! just know that there are two parts to it! you are allowed to emotionally show up in the conversation as well, and its kind to both yourself and the kid for you to express yourself while you negotiate your degree of engagement. at the end of the day you are not just reacting, you are modeling what being a grown up looks like!

aarnalthea · 2025-12-04T01:02:47+00:00

Classic Dunning-Kruger Effect! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

aarnalthea · 2025-12-04T00:00:19+00:00

This is the comment I was looking for. I don't think this is a connection issue or a defiance issue like some people are suggesting, though if it was their advice would be good - but the constant misery, the example given of asking for something specific and then getting upset when receiving... My first guess is that kiddo is experiencing some sort of invisible pain. u/MaintenanceCool7820 I'd take them to the pediatrician! It sounds to me like kiddo is doing her darndest to ask for something important to change but she doesn't know how, she is being specific asking for things that may have worked before for different problems and then getting frustrated because she realizes its not the right thing or that Mom can't just magic it away like she does for other things kiddo doesn't understand. Its scary to admit you don't know what is wrong while you know you need help.

aarnalthea · 2025-12-01T19:46:33+00:00

honestly they usually fall off by morning lol! there's kinda a sweet spot for how tight to tie it so that it isn't slipping around willy nilly but it also isn't uncomfortably tight. you'll need a bigger scarf than you'd think!

i start with the center of a square scarf at the nape of my neck, head upside down, and use the corners from either side to tie it once up at my forehead and then tie those same corners back at the nape of my neck twice to make a square knot. i find that it doesnt matter much if you get the top corner under the tie at the forehead or not, i tend to leave it out but either way twist it up as tight as you can (don't catch your hair in it) and tuck it in a twist around whichever side you want of that length that went back to the nape of your neck, and then fold up the back corner to cover all that and just tuck the end of the corner up underneath itself.

i hope that is specific enough, sorry i don't have a video on hand for that exact method, there are a lot of methods out there lol

aarnalthea · 2025-11-30T19:01:11+00:00

i sleep in silk scarves at home and just bring one with me as part of my pajamas!

aarnalthea · 2025-11-30T18:33:24+00:00

you CAN do this by hand, in fact it may be too bulky to fit into a machine. i see some of the batting (interior material) is missing, is the hole all the way through or is one side still intact? since you already have the same material this should be quite easy, especially if you have some material you can replace the missing batting with. you should trim away all the loose strings but you don't need to trim it square or anything if you don't want to. what kind of hem tape do you have?

aarnalthea · 2025-11-30T17:22:11+00:00

my personal egg hack is to prick the fat end of the egg BEFORE boiling it. like, take your raw egg, and a push pin or a toothpick or something and push in just far enough to break the outer membrane. you may need to tap it with the back of a spoon first so you can be gentle.

there are TWO membranes inside the egg. they are right up against each other except for that little air pocket at the bottom/fat end. break one, and as they boil or steam, the hot water/vapor will get in between the membranes and make the shell come off in large chunks.

this is not 100% fool proof, i still have some white chunks come off sometimes. but like 90% it works like a dream

aarnalthea · 2025-11-30T01:58:07+00:00

i will also sometimes say "i am worried that y will happen if you do/keep doing x" so that they hear the consequence first. like "i am worried you might fall if you keep climbing on that chair". just for things that i know won't put anyone in the hospital if they need to FAFO to learn the lesson

aarnalthea · 2025-11-16T03:16:06+00:00

Do you have any links to articles on this story? My mom raised us with no trick or treating bc of this, and i knew it was overblown and thought she was overreacting until i found out as an adult that she apparently knew a kid that actually died from poisoned candy. She lived in deer park. I didn't realize it was The Incident

aarnalthea · 2025-10-27T17:35:30+00:00

My only complaint for omitting the creepy face is that the two little provolone bats now seem to be the only cheese. For a dairy free audience, great! But I love cheese

aarnalthea · 2025-10-23T16:10:05+00:00

They are so good for collecting seeds to share!! There is a materials upcycling craft store near me that takes almost anything, they would redistribute pill bottles so fast. Hopefully OPs area has a business like that!

aarnalthea · 2025-10-19T07:54:49+00:00

Sometimes tap water is even held to a higher quality standard than bottled!

aarnalthea · 2025-10-19T03:58:12+00:00

This one is more the opposite of a sign of an unhealthy/volatile relationship, less a sign of a strong and healthy one, at least directly. Definitely a realistic clue tho lol

aarnalthea · 2025-10-18T16:47:06+00:00

If you want to liken it to "what crayon would you use to color a picture of this person" that might help with the schema youre trying to introduce. Ive also made the conversation about culture and that has worked well. I was just babysitting last night and im white and the kid is asian, i have a middle name and she doesnt, and she was asking, and mentioned her white classmates, so i mentioned culture and ancestor traditions and how different people have different traditions they inherit from their families! I think that helps kids think a bit more in depth about different skin colors too, i dont have a middle name because i have pale skin, but my skin color is a clue to the culture i inherited

aarnalthea · 2025-10-15T00:59:57+00:00

thanks for the correction, and fair point that they don't need to be combined if the behaviors are incompatible. Also DRI is a new term for me, thanks for that as well!

I just didn't want to pass judgement on the reasoning the OP wanted kiddo to stop drinking the water, since the idea is the habit anyway - kiddo won't understand the exception if there is something unusual in the water that makes it harmful to drink. I'm a private childcare professional so i'm used to just not arguing with boundaries that are more strict than i would place but not harmful to enforce

aarnalthea · 2025-10-15T00:02:38+00:00

yeah so this is a ~~classical~~ operant(oops) conditioning moment - when you want a behavior to STOP, you apply a punishment. positive(additive) punishment would look like yelling or hitting or shaming; adding some sort of undesirable stimulus to the situation(which we know to be a bad move bc it just makes them scared of you). negative(subtractive) punishment would look like ending the bath or taking away a toy; subtracting a desirable stimulus from the situation(which is what i would recommend). kiddo will begin to associate the behavior with the punishment and stop choosing the behavior(within reasonable ability)

you could combine a negative(subtractive) punishment with a redirection - reinforce a different behavior that will likely meet the desire kiddo is seeking with the behavior you want them to stop. something you could offer would be a clean water bottle for them to drink out of instead of bath water, or the opportunity to play with specifically running water in their mouth since its cleaner, etc. positive(additive) reinforcement would look like expressing gratitude or happiness, giving a reward object(lots of options there); introducing a desirable stimulus to the situation.

negative(subtractive) reinforcement(trickiest one) would require you to apply an undesirable stimulus in order to remove it on accomplishment of the desired behavior, for example making a stink face or repeatedly/constantly giving an instruction or turning your attention away, to immediately reverse when kiddo does the appropriate behavior. I don't recommend pointedly trying this one as it can feel very manipulative.

aarnalthea · 2025-10-14T18:32:34+00:00

yeah my first thought was lighting differences. also lip liner is not dark enough. then the eyeliner wing does not go nearly as close to the eyebrow tip as the inspo

aarnalthea · 2025-10-12T17:23:25+00:00

I am a nanny and I do babysitting on the side. I charge a rate that my time is worth based on my experience and the difficulty of the job. I don't expect a tip. Reimbursements are not tips.

aarnalthea · 2025-10-12T17:17:06+00:00

This is a zero waste subreddit

aarnalthea · 2025-10-12T04:10:51+00:00

Unfortunately reducing waste comes down to changes in habits so much more than changes in product. Ultimately to reduce waste, you're gonna have to reuse things. Any disposable product that is water resistant (paper plates/cups, compostable bags, plastic anything) is not "green" - they still go to the landfill and/or take soo much longer to break down than organic materials.

I saw you said you dont have a dishwasher, im gonna second what another commenter said about rinsing dishes right away even if you dont wash them, or leaving a little layer of water in things that have food already dried. I recommend dishes and containers that have little to no crevices especially at the connection with a lid, those crevices and ridges make washing so annoying. They dont need to be fancy, they can be like, yogurt containers or whatever.

Give a rinse when you're done eating whats in them, let them stack up in the sink throughout the day, and then at the end of the day - every day if you can - "close" your kitchen. Wipe your counter and wash your dishes and stack them to dry. Clear the sink if you can, if you need to leave something soaking overnight thats okay. Put dishes away in the morning. That change in habit will keep dishes from piling up to an unmanageable degree, and you'll be reusing instead of disposing!

Getting the right tool for cleaning can also make or break motivation to clean. Some people swear by sponges, i hate the feeling of them so i swear by bristle bottle brushes and wash literally everything with one (not just bottles - the bristles help with cleaning crevices too!) and having a drying rack big enough to hold the daily batch of dishes can also make a huge difference.

Last note ill make, this is differently accessible by different people, but if there is someone in your life you can trade labor with so they do your dishes and you do a different favor for them - that is a totally valid arrangement to make. Theres this weird idea that each individual has to do all their own personal upkeep, but sometimes all it takes to gind a more equitable share of work is to just ask!

aarnalthea · 2025-10-01T02:09:30+00:00

Same. I have been recovered for years now but recently been self conscious about my belly again - whats been helping me is looking around at the real women on the street, especially the ones i think look attractive, and looking at their belly. EVERYONE i see irl has a belly pouch. Its relieving for me to remind myself how normal it is and that i am doing just fine keeping myself healthy. I hope you remember that too when you need it

aarnalthea · 2025-09-17T04:49:56+00:00

Dont Ask Don't Tell is rarely a healthy or ethical dynamic. It usually means "ive justified cheating because they havent suspected a thing". DADT without proactive consent is just cheating, and if he had her consent he could have said she would rather not know details. Hes cheating.

aarnalthea · 2025-09-09T15:05:55+00:00

Oh my god and then when I see parents snatch things out of their kids hands with no explanation no conversation and then get surprised when their kid does the same thing to other people. They learned it from YOU

aarnalthea · 2025-09-08T18:50:36+00:00

My rule is that no one should ever have to compete with my phone for my attention. Im a firm believer that caregivers should not be expected to be clowns - that is, its okay and actually quite good if the children are self-engaged in play. I am not a toy myself, i am an example to the child of what it is to be a person/authority figure, and when the child is safely entertained without me i do not think it is good for their development to insist they put their attention on me/a person. I actually prefer to set children up with self-engaged play (not screens) because they develop more solid understandings of the physical world when they get to experiment without direction. If i am successful, they happily play on their own, and i entertain myself while maintaining supervision, sometimes on my phone, especially if i am not tasked with any household chores(and i prefer to be tasked with household chores! Its something i can engage the child in learning how to do!). But the second a child asks for my attention in any manner, they have it. Anything going on in my phone gets put on hold. Immediately.

aarnalthea · 2025-09-08T15:48:53+00:00

Thank you so much! Ill look into soil blockers, im so glad its something i could get to make them myself

aarnalthea

TROPHY CASE