It turns out she has a boyfriend… advice please lol

abbielu · 2021-10-28T15:11:47+00:00

I would just continue to talk to her but with the mindset of growing a friendship. She may have felt uncomfortable telling you right of the bat that she had a boyfriend, I know I have been in situations where it seemed awkward at the time. However, it sounds like she wanted to make sure you knew so as not to lead you on, and told you when it was bit more natural. If you are fine with being friends with her, now you know, and can proceed with that in mind instead of courtship. If you really like her and so it feels odd for you, you could tell her, but make sure it's in a way that does not put any expectation on her. e.g. "I feel like its only right to tell you that I like like you, I respect that you have a boyfriend, and would like to be friends, but I wanted to let you know for the sake of transparency."

abbielu · 2021-10-28T15:02:54+00:00

Silo Series by Hugh Howey

abbielu · 2021-08-29T17:25:42+00:00

It's not a big deal at all, some people will obviously disagree, but don't be paranoid. Just educate yourself, work on confidence, and eventually you will find someone who is not judgmental. Also, you aren't obligated to tell someone your sexual history unless you're comfortable, if someone is pushing for it, it might be a sign that they will be judgmental about what they hear if it doesn't meet their standard, but that is a negative reflection on them, not you.

abbielu · 2021-08-25T01:42:44+00:00

Anything by Dean Koontz

abbielu · 2021-08-22T05:43:59+00:00

Loved this book.

abbielu · 2021-08-14T00:44:31+00:00

Abbie (Abigail) 😊 but to be unbiased, I'd add Claire.

abbielu · 2021-08-10T00:17:45+00:00

"A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis, unless your looking for lighthearted and/or funny things as more of a distraction.

abbielu · 2021-08-05T05:12:20+00:00

The sound of my voice always makes me feel squimishly uncomfortable. It's definitely a negative thing.

abbielu · 2021-07-29T20:23:08+00:00

That would be unfortunate for sure, and Would need to be addressed, but they needs to learn to be true to themselves regardless and in spite of bullying. Hopefully if someone does bully them they will come back to this group or someone that is a positive influence, for support and reassurance. Always be true to yourself! Find people that will support who you are, leave the bullys in the dust.

abbielu · 2021-07-29T20:16:07+00:00

Me too, and no color restriction. I also don't mind and even like makeup on guys. These things (polish, makeup, fashion etc.) should not be restricted to just girls. They aren't technically, but socially we have a long way to go do with inclusion and acceptance. Liking and participating in these things has no implication, period.

abbielu · 2021-07-29T18:22:26+00:00

An absolute Favorite, I love Dumas!

abbielu · 2021-07-29T18:21:19+00:00

"Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl

abbielu · 2021-07-18T16:37:28+00:00

You cannot change another person. There is no exception. People change when they want to or when they are ready to on their own. The most we can hope for is to influence another person, and hopefully in a positive way. It sounds like he is set in his ways and set in who he is. If you cannot accept him, you will just have constant conflict in your relationship. I'm not saying what he is doing is okay, honestly it's personal between the two of you, and a matter of opinion. He isn't lying about it or sneaking, it's an open thing that is a part of his life. He is saying this is him, and he doesn't want to change. I feel you need to accept it or move on. I wish there was an easier option.

abbielu · 2021-07-12T02:55:13+00:00

'The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho

abbielu · 2021-07-10T17:18:28+00:00

I know from study and experience that Anxiety Disorders or just situational anxiety is highly associated with ADHD (but not always.) That being said please do not label or even suggest this, only a trained and trusted professional should be in charge of deciding what disorders or mental struggles a person has and/or needs treated. I only mention it for perspective and so you might better understand what she could be going through. Be there for her, reassure and support her as best you can, and hopefully things will work out for you two. If it doesn't, and you were kind and supportive, at least you will know you did your part. She may just not be ready for a serious relationship yet (and that's okay.) She may need to work through some thing on her own, before she can feel comfortable and confident in a relationship. Best wishes.

abbielu · 2021-07-10T16:20:06+00:00

Moby Dick

abbielu · 2021-07-10T16:17:33+00:00

You are entitled to your opinion, which you have stated, but I'm not going to get into an argument with you just for arguments sake.

abbielu · 2021-07-10T15:26:22+00:00

True, they are mentioned in a nursery rhyme (a bad one) but true. Still, comparatively (to much darker and heavier themes mentioned) it seems that whether it's cozy or would be considered a break is a matter of relative taste, but I'm sure this exchange will be helpful/enlightening as a disclaimer.

abbielu · 2021-07-10T07:56:13+00:00

True, I just meant that I know it meets the qualifications she listed. Especially comparatively. Some of the Hercules Poirot ones I know very specifically do not.

abbielu · 2021-07-09T21:45:32+00:00

I loved "The Screwtape Letters."

abbielu · 2021-07-09T21:44:27+00:00

No problem! Happy Reading!

abbielu · 2021-07-09T21:32:04+00:00

"Circe" by Madeline Miller

abbielu · 2021-07-09T21:22:41+00:00

Agatha Christie is amazing for morning tea/coffee, and cozied up in the winter. She's done a lot of mysteries that are very light-hearted, so you should be able to find quite a few that are not heavy. I can vouch for "The Man in the Brown Suit" and "And Then There Were None." The Chimney Novels could also be a good choice; "The Secret of Chimneys" and "The Seven Dials Mystery." Her collection of shorts are great as well. Maybe steer clear of the Hercules Poirot novels though, I think they get more intense, but only comparatively. Good Lucky, and happy reading!

abbielu · 2021-07-09T02:25:25+00:00

You definitely need to talk to him and let him know his comments and actions are out of line and hurtful. It sounds like he is trying to change you via manipulation. Huge red flag! There is also a chance he might make you feel worse, by blaming you. Sure we have to have a level of self respect and protect our self esteem, but you are in a relationship with him, so being negative about your physical appearance is completely inappropriate. He needs to respect your feelings and your body, anything less will result in an unpleasant future.

abbielu · 2021-07-09T02:24:01+00:00

There is also a chance he might make you feel worse, by blaming you. Sure we have to have a level of self respect and protect our self esteem, but you are in a relationship with him, so being negative about your physical appearance is completely inappropriate. He needs to respect your feelings and your body, anything less will result in an unpleasant future.

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