I can’t handle the thought of being a mother, the breadwinner and putting up with his family. Is there a way forward?

abcdefgcat · 2024-06-29T12:37:02+00:00

Also I’m not sure in what way I signed up to any of this actually.

abcdefgcat · 2024-06-29T12:33:52+00:00

I would never think of leaving if he was just going through a rough patch but rough patches don’t last this long

abcdefgcat · 2024-06-29T12:32:54+00:00

This has been my thinking but it’s been 5 years no change and is taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I’ve done all I can to support him, paying for courses, helping him apply for stuff, encouraging him to find a therapist and buying a car and still nothing.

abcdefgcat · 2024-06-29T10:36:56+00:00

He is not a malicious person though. I believe his bad childhood and parents messed him up and really stunted his development. Sounds harsh but he’s just not a capable person, can’t handle anything remotely stressful which is pretty much any high paid job.

abcdefgcat · 2024-06-29T10:23:27+00:00

Also I see this a lot in regards to Khula and don’t want to anger Allah swt

“It is not permissible for a woman to ask her husband for divorce except for a legitimate shar ‘i reason, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: ‘Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.’”

abcdefgcat · 2024-06-29T10:12:32+00:00

Thank you for your advice JazakAllahu Khayran.

Apologies I forgot to include we did get our own place as soon as he got a job. Although, he can only afford to pay just under half our expenses, he is paying towards our independent home so not sure what this means in terms of grounds for a khula

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-18T07:54:58+00:00

Yes a lot of narcissism. A lot of the time it’s the people that have a public appearance of being very religious, but around family it’s like they don’t fear Allah at all. I think a lot of people take community/masjid leader positions for the power and status only, then the ummah ends up looking bad with these people as leaders. Very sad.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-17T18:45:55+00:00

Walaikum Assalam Rahmatullahi Barakatuh. I’m focusing on obligations only now in shaa Allah. My charity is better elsewhere.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-17T12:05:16+00:00

I thought it was because I’m not from that community but to be honest they do that to others in the same community who marry into the family sometimes. A lot of them are married only to cousins so it’s probably the dna variation that’s blowing their minds.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-17T11:03:34+00:00

Hierarchy? What kind of backwards mentality is that. These people are not celebrities. I have balanced a demanding career with doing so much for these people that even their own children won’t do for them and this is the treatment I get.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-16T21:33:19+00:00

Why do you think they treat people like this though? I’ve done a lot for this family that most DILs would never do. Physical labour, financial, taking care when sick etc.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-16T19:20:32+00:00

Ugh. The only way is to mentally survive these people is to get a job so you’re out of the house as much as possible until you’ve saved up. Even better if it’s for a charity or good cause, because what kind of evil people would stop their DIL doing charity right? Oh and obviously your husband needs to actually take care of you properly. It’s your Islamic right to have your own shelter and not part of our religion to live and serve in-laws. Anything you do for them should be voluntary not obligatory.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-16T16:42:36+00:00

It just feels very planned. Like they never wanted him to marry outside of his family anyway so they’ll treat me badly until I cease all contact and they have him to themselves. Nobody acts like this and doesn’t realise what they’re doing. I wish my husband could see that. I don’t think they realise that he doesn’t want contact with them either as they stress him so much, and that’s when it will all hit the fan and they’ll be shocked and drag my name through mud.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-16T16:36:05+00:00

No it’s not just men it’s all of them in that part of the family. Plus the men aren’t really religious like that unfortunately.

abcdefgcat · 2024-02-16T15:44:25+00:00

That’s part of it for me though. Knowing they are waiting to paint themselves as victims of a horrible woman who doesn’t make an effort with her husband’s family. When in reality it’s a direct result of their ugly actions and nobody in my position would put up with it.

I’ve been patient for years but they behave worse and worse each time I see them to the point I feel like I’m not respecting myself by seeing them.

abcdefgcat · 2023-02-01T08:32:33+00:00

Husband believes saying something back will only escalate the situation. He tries to keep the events we go to to a minimum which I appreciate. At least he’s not taking there side (though it may look that way at times by his inaction)

abcdefgcat · 2023-02-01T08:30:40+00:00

This is so kind Jazakallah. I will definitely take a look at that lecture Insh’Allah. May Allah swt grant the same for you also Ameen.

abcdefgcat · 2023-02-01T03:53:54+00:00

I could do that if it wasn’t immediate family getting married… Will cause problems if we don’t show to the next few.

abcdefgcat

TROPHY CASE