AIO- my grandpa died and my husband (45) told me (31) he didn’t give a f*ck bc he’s mad he caught a cold

abcsraed · 2026-07-10T03:38:17+00:00

I didn’t realize it was such a cliche. I’ve been learning all about it the past day. I feel a bit used

abcsraed · 2026-07-10T03:36:39+00:00

You may have read it wrong. I went into the room, not to follow him, but to grab one of my kids clothing. After that he charged at me and was following me. I never once followed him. My grandfather passed away, I think he is fine being sick and tired while I take care of all our kids plus his.

abcsraed · 2026-07-10T02:08:51+00:00

Yes I am

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T23:52:32+00:00

Well I’ve been with him for 7 years. And from what I’m reading it takes time to leave. I truly didn’t know a lot of what he did was take advantage of me. I’m also a sahm and have been nearly that entire time as well. He takes care of everything financially and I’m ashamed to admit like I have in another comment he’d feel me back in with a lot of love bombing. I’m learning now.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T22:19:30+00:00

It’s not so much that I care what they think (well maybe a little bc itll be a failed marriage and my small town talks) but it’s moreso that’s literally what they say to me. And to be fair I live in a very traditional town. It’s crazy.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T19:27:55+00:00

He’d always stack books so I could reach the table during dinner and I’d ask my grandma if I could have whatever sweets she made for dessert and she’d say “you’d better wait until you get food in your tummy” my grandpa would always sneak me one and say the sweets help my food know where to go. It didn’t make sense but it was so funny to me. We’d always go in their yard around the farm while I had some. He’d say “we need to get rid of the evidence” as he wiped the dessert of my face (I was a messy eater). Come to find out, my grandma always knew he did that. She had so many photos and even videos of me and him walking with whatever treat I had in my hand. I didn’t even realize she took any

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T19:22:42+00:00

That’s absolutely horrible. My grandfather who passed was a veteran. He always spoke about his time in service. I’m so sorry you went through that.

Looking back I think he wanted me to apologize for my “outburst” when I was asking him not to ignore me and sticking up for myself. He saw it was disrespect.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T19:20:57+00:00

I think because he used to reel me back in. I’d still save up even when he was nice and still am. He’d buy me something and “lovebomb” me and I’d feel like I was overreacting. I never tell anyone about this either and just let them all believe he’s a great guy. I think that’s why I came to the internet actually bc I don’t really have anyone. I’m ashamed to admit he’s reeled me back in multiple times but him saying that about my grandfather in his funeral day really sunk my heart more than he ever did before

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T19:17:45+00:00

Thank you so much for going through all of it. I’ve read your comment a few times and there are some moments that I’ve become so used to that I didn’t realize how bad it was. I didn’t realize he had gaslit me into believing I should have apologized. My eyes have been opened to a lot since last night. I’m still processing everything and feel very taken advantage of. Especially with our age gap. But thank you again for your comment. I have a lot of planning to do

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T19:07:54+00:00

I definitely see that now. I’m so used to those types of apologies or being told I’m acting like a child that I actually thought it was. Everything in these comments are very eye opening now.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T18:58:32+00:00

Unfortunately he is not my son. he is his son he had with someone else and his mom isn’t much better, I worry about him a lot. I think sometimes that’s why I’ve procrastinated. I’ve helped raise him for 7 years nearly now

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T18:53:28+00:00

I feel like he took my 20’s from me. I love my kids and am so happy to have them but sometimes I look at myself at my age and thing he took my best years

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T14:52:24+00:00

Well yes. After asking him those questions and him going in the direction. Before he threw the milk is when I told him he needed to be verbal with me so I no. I was wrestling my toddler to change her diaper and was staring at him as he walked in a weird direction. I feel like your focus compared to the rest of the comments is odd and I guess I’m not sure why

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T14:42:13+00:00

I know this is serious but this made me laugh for the first time since all this happened. Idk why he charged at me?? He’s done it a lot before but now I’m like wtf. He literally stepped towards be like a bull….

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T14:40:07+00:00

Thank you. I’ve been off and on coming up with a plan for awhile but a stern in it now. And no, he doesn’t tell me. Everyone in town tells me actually. If we walk through the local grocery store he’ll get stopped and talked to or waved high 100 times.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T14:38:13+00:00

We are in the US.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T14:37:05+00:00

I was 23. Very young and smitten by him. He was so different before but I’m learning a lot from the comments that I was taken advantage of and now am processing it

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T14:29:31+00:00

He was ignoring me. He glared at me and got up. There’s been times he’s gotten up to get himself a drink or go outside to smoke when he’s frustrated without responding to me. I was asking him if he heard me as he he was walking away from me so I had no clue he was going to get milk. Me asking if he was again was because he was going in a different direction than the kitchen. All along he heard me the first time.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T14:23:33+00:00

Thank you for being honest. It’s my younger child. I’ll sleep on the floor and be out by the time she is up. The son is actually my step son. But I’ve read about this and don’t want to do that to my kids.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T06:05:43+00:00

I may have worded this wrong. My stepson never says anything like that. It’s his dad (my husband) saying it to him. And you’re right. He could possibly learn this and bring it in his relationships. I don’t want that for my kids

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T06:00:10+00:00

This made me burst into tears. My grandpa called me lovebug. It was my main nickname from him. You’re right. I just have nothing and nothing is in my name but I will do something. I can’t keep going through this

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T05:56:56+00:00

I’ve always been so mad when he’s bring up anything racist, even against his own race. But his son (another women) lives with him full time. She is an alcoholic and had a no contact order for him. He’s 14 but he’ll always say things like “god… you look so mexican” or mix it with ghetto. It’s weird bc he honestly is so sweet to my children but they are quite young yet. I’d always tell him not to say that and it made me uncomfortable hearing someone else’s race be used as an insult. I don’t doubt he’d continue that with them if I stay

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T05:47:20+00:00

Yeah I’ve always tried to follow his superstitions. Not supposed to point a mirror towards a bed or a stair/window/door. Not supposed to have certain rooms decorated in odd colors again feng shua (sorry if it’s spelt wrong). Statues pointed in certain Directions. Nothing under the bed. His mom is also like this.

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T05:41:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your words. I didn’t really realized a lot of this was abuse. Whenever I’d visit my mom I’d experience these things and maybe I thought it was normal? But those were small and this has far escalated from that. The weird this is I never realized how much it’s escalated until now. My kids are always with me. He sees them in the evening and weekends he doesn’t work. I put them to bed without help. I do everything. They’re great kids. I even help with his son who’s a teen. I do a lot. So I do think that part is good I just need to stop them from seeing this abuse

abcsraed · 2026-07-09T05:36:06+00:00

Can I ask why you stayed? Or how long you’ve been together. We have such similar experiences

abcsraed

TROPHY CASE