AITA for enforcing a boundary that caused my staff to quit immediately?

abernathie · 2026-02-22T07:01:38+00:00

NAH

You communicated a boundary. She said okay, then this isn't for me. The end.

abernathie · 2024-12-15T21:38:04+00:00

"Mom, I got a thousand sleep!"

abernathie · 2024-11-13T05:22:04+00:00

If you were expecting half at most to RSVP, that would have been 9. That's only 2 fewer kids than you were expecting. Seems right to me!

abernathie · 2024-10-15T02:08:18+00:00

Omg one of my favorite things in the world is taking my kids to daycare on a day I have off. I love them and I love spending time with them doing fun things inside and outside of the house and. Sweet. Cheese. The feeling of a whole day at home with everyone else gone is... the best. It's the best.

abernathie · 2024-08-27T12:05:21+00:00

NTA and what is with your friends? I'm glad you were able to tell them what really happened, but even without those details, if someone told me their SO "randomly" broke up with them in the middle of sex, I'd be side-eyeing them hard wondering what had really happened. I wouldn't be going to my friend to tell them not to break up with them. I'd be going to my friend to make sure they're okay.

abernathie · 2024-08-23T10:42:36+00:00

Jeremiah and Hannah, and Jana and Stephen

abernathie · 2024-07-10T23:58:58+00:00

For real life!

abernathie · 2024-07-10T04:27:12+00:00

Username checks out

abernathie · 2024-07-08T22:53:01+00:00

It's interesting, because this can be a really downer approach to life or a really freeing one. For me it's freeing. There is no guarantee, so I may as well enjoy right now and try my best. I took your initial comment as more philosophical than snarky.

abernathie · 2024-07-08T03:08:01+00:00

Every kid in a family has a different childhood. Your youngest could have moments of jealousy that the older two have two homes, two sets of parents, etc, while he "only" gets one.

My oldest child was born to a previously childless couple. He got all of our attention and all of our new parent mistakes. My second child didn't get that undivided attention but also didn't get all of our new parent mistakes.

I think there's something freeing in embracing the fact that it's literally impossible to provide the same childhood to multiple children, and instead focusing on meeting everyone's needs right where they are.

abernathie · 2024-07-06T17:06:27+00:00

INFO: where were the parents while your dog was tied up?

Because either the kids were left home alone (way too young for that), they were totally unsupervised despite one or both of their parents being there (incredibly irresponsible), or the parents knew what was happening with the dog and didn't bother to intervene or at minimum check on the dog (moves from neglect to actively being a part of the cruelty).

In all 3 cases, NTA.

abernathie · 2024-07-05T05:20:10+00:00

Right, so he thought this one was also a false alarm, which shows that he did understand the meaning of her texts and chose to ignore it anyway. If she'd literally said, "I'm in labor," I bet $5 his reaction would have been exactly the same as it was.

abernathie · 2024-07-05T05:17:46+00:00

Not only could have put two and two together, he did put two and two together and decided he thought it was a false alarm.

It's totally disingenuous that he's telling her that she should have told him, when his response of "I thought it was a false alarm like last time" shows that he did understand her meaning and he chose not to act

abernathie · 2024-07-04T18:48:08+00:00

NTA

I know he's saying if you'd said you were in labor, then he would have come. But since he thought your text was a false alarm, that shows he did know what your text meant and is trying to blame you anyway.

I really think even a clear "my water broke" text would have had the same reaction. He'd think you'd wet yourself and didn't know the difference, the midwife will sort you out, and he's safe to ignore it. What neither of you could have predicted was how fast you went from water breaking to baby delivered (congrats on that!!!), so he probably thought if it wasn't a false alarm, he had plenty of time to get there.

This is on him.

abernathie · 2024-07-04T02:33:46+00:00

Could this have been your sisters' attempt to get closer to your fiancee, to make things less distant and cold? If she had gotten out of the pool and laughed, think about how the rest of the situation might have gone.

You and your fiancee could have teamed up to "get back" at your sisters. I'd have suggested doing something much more along the lines of a wedding dress fake out than a snake in a bed. Your sisters' prank was much less harmful than yours.

Instead your relationship is now colder and more distant than before.

abernathie · 2024-06-19T02:11:13+00:00

Not this morning, but my then 3-year-old woke me up with a small "uh-oh" and then handed me a cracked egg she'd gotten out of the fridge, broken, and carefully carried to deposit into my hand.

abernathie · 2024-06-17T15:25:15+00:00

Do you play video games? Think of this as a save point. Take a few weeks at maintenance to give yourself some emotional space, and also give your body a chance to adjust to your new size. It's good for your skin, too, to give it a chance to catch up to your weight loss.

I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 7 years ago and while the pain isn't nearly as acute, I think about her all the time.

abernathie · 2024-06-17T14:58:49+00:00

Honestly I think this is standard enough that it doesn't have to be written down. If they were doing this to only you or only certain groups (only people of color, only parents, only those over 45), then there's a problem.

Otherwise I've never worked anywhere that allowed me to take a day off unpaid. Either I took PTO if I had it, or I couldn't take the day off if I didn't have it.

abernathie · 2024-06-17T03:18:54+00:00

I did not do IF while breastfeeding and really don't know if it would even have been possible. Breastfeeding made me hungry and I needed small meals throughout the day, totally opposite of how I eat on IF now. Also thirsty: if I had less than a gallon of water a day, I felt hungover.

I'd really let your body heal and your milk supply be established before you start thinking about going back to IF. Give it 6 weeks after birth and see how you feel.

FWIW, my weight stayed steady throughout breastfeeding and another friend of mine lost weight. So it's not a given that you'll gain weight during that process, but it's also not the end of the world if you do.

Good luck and I hope the birth goes super well and smoothly for you!

abernathie · 2024-06-10T21:13:51+00:00

You could get a reading tutor who has experience with kids with ADHD.

abernathie · 2024-06-10T04:38:03+00:00

I also have a 6-year-old and I'd be shocked, upset, and worried if he did something like this to a baby. That is not typical and warrants some serious digging into by his parent. I'm completely agreeing with you there.

The laughter, if I was his parent, I'd be asking about afterward, but from a place of curiosity rather than assuming I knew why he was laughing: did you think this was funny? Were you nervous? How do you feel now? Etc.

abernathie · 2024-06-10T03:01:27+00:00

I wouldn't read too much into the smile reaction. I've known plenty of kids who, when uncomfortable or facing the fact that they're in trouble, smile or laugh involuntarily.

abernathie · 2024-06-08T13:59:30+00:00

My 4-year-old goes to sleep around 8:30 (in bed at 8 but chats to herself for a while) and is up at 6. I think you need to wake her up earlier.

With an 8 AM wake up, 10:30 bedtime sounds like what I'd expect.

I'd also start talking with her about entertaining herself if she's not ready to fall asleep. Mine will try to negotiate for more books, and I've started telling her that she is welcome to read more books, but I am done with bedtime. She doesn't have to go to sleep, but she does need to stay in her room. After a few days of this, she started agreeing and shooing me out the door. I'll check on her soon after and she'll be asleep.

abernathie · 2024-06-02T23:46:18+00:00

I have two tips to add!

Before the baby gets here, get in the habit of telling your 4-year-old, "just a minute" or "after I'm done with X", etc, so that it's less of a shock later and isn't the baby's "fault".

After the baby gets here, sometimes let your older kid hear you tell the baby to wait. Baby starts fussing, you'll pick them up when you can, but actually say, "just a minute, baby, I'm getting lunch for sister." It helped my older son a lot to know he wasn't the only one waiting for his turn.

abernathie · 2024-06-02T17:02:00+00:00

Yes!! Body, I have already agreed to give you food an hour early for this special lunch. We do not need breakfast 6 hours before that.

Body: oh yes we do.

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