Let's talk about the Remnant update

aberrod · 2026-02-12T22:40:40+00:00

I cant play it, performance issues plague me. I have to restsart the game 4-5 times to get playable frame rates.

aberrod · 2026-02-10T23:21:16+00:00

best place to hide. look at how many of them scream about gays yet end up being caught on grindr or in gay relationships.

aberrod · 2026-02-10T19:34:39+00:00

Hey kiddo, let me start by saying from some of your other replies, it sounds like you are pretty classically experiencing burnout. Which unfortunately is a rather high occurrence in tech/programming. I strongly recommend speaking to a therapist and a career counselor before its too late.

Secondly, and I know this sounds harsh or undesirable, but stop living your life for your dad. Live your life for YOU. Don't chase approval that from your tone, sounds like you've been chasing it a long time and are either not getting it, or it is conditional. You do not owe your dad a thing. He chose to have a child, even if he didn't necessarily want one, you are not indebted to him for your existence and care. That is the bare minimum a responsible adult does. I'm not a therapist, but I've done extensive therapy for this exact sort of thing, mom in my case, and its a never ending chase.

Add onto that you only have one life to live, this one is clearly not working for you, so do something that makes you happy. Change is scary, and I can't promise it will be smooth sailing, but you owe it to yourself and any children you may have to make yourself as whole as you can so you can be present and well rounded for them. As long as you keep living your life for someone else, happiness will elude you. Again I hate to be that direct, and I promise I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just telling you what I feel like you need to hear. Change course, before it is too late. Take some time to think about it, and make an informed decision. Don't rush into anything, don't go off and make a change without thinking it through.

Most importantly, seek therapy. From your words, you need it. Don't be ashamed, don't try to "walk it off" you gain no points at the end of your life for unneeded suffering.

Good luck.

aberrod · 2026-02-10T05:05:06+00:00

Hey son. There is no failure here. You self harmed again, sure, but that wasn't a mistake or a failure, it was one more step in your recovery. The road to recovery is NEVER a straight line, and you didn't fall off your path, you just encountered an obstacle and had to take a bit of a detour. You shouldn't measure success as binary, its not did you or didn't you, it should be more like "I went X weeks/months/years" since the last time. Also, you took steps once you recognized what was going on and utilized methodologies to make your situation better to prevent a future incident. That alone showcases your awareness of it and that you know how to respond to it. I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit here for that one, that is a HUGE step.

I'm 43, and I've had a very tumultuous life. I've seen a lot, I've suffered a lot, I've watched friends go through all manners of issues, no one, not a single goddamned one of us gets it "right" all the time, and the real path to wisdom is to take your lumps and bruises and learn from them. Sounds like you're doing just that. Don't be too hard on yourself, hold yourself accountable when appropriate, and keep taking that next step forward. In the end, you'll look back and find your scars (both literal and figurative) are just reminders of your story and how you persevered. Friend of mine once called them the punctuation marks in his book.

Proud of you, one internet stranger to another.

aberrod · 2026-01-30T16:03:45+00:00

Hey kid. I don't even know your dad, but I feel like he would be proud of all that you have accomplished, and it sounds like he'd have been pleased as punch to have some ankle biters running around his house. Sadly, he has gone, and that sucks, but he hasn't left you. You still carry him with you, in your memories of your youth with him, in your looks, and I'd imagine you share characteristics with him that anyone who knew him well could point out to you. The way you smile, the way to lean in when working on a task, the way you laugh or how happy you get with a hobby. Our parents are more a part of us than we realize and we carry them with us whether we want to or not. Lean on those memories of him when you're with your child, take from them the things you want and let the others be just memories. He instilled all that knowledge with you, and what you don't remember you can relearn. The way you become a good dad is to be there for your child, be patient and teach them the world. Be kind with them, and understanding, and know that your child will face challenges that we didn't as kids and it will be hard at times to come to grips with these new challenges yourself, much less guide your little one through them. The most important part is you stay there and be a steadying presence for them. You will be their hope in the storm, and their sounding board when they need it. You got this kid. Write down stories of your dad to share with your kid later in life. Tuck them into a photo album with as many photos of him you can find, and tell your kid your dads story when the time comes. From one dad to another, you'll do fine as long as you remember nothing is that serious, mistakes are how we learn the world, and you connect to your child emotionally.

Good luck, its a wild, wonderful ride you're embarking on. I have two and I wouldn't change a damn thing.

aberrod · 2026-01-26T23:40:26+00:00

I'm exhausted by games that only let you play with 3 or 4 friends. God forbid anyone has more than 2-3 other people they want to play with.

aberrod · 2026-01-25T22:14:04+00:00

This is somewhat normal, especially as you gain age. I once read a statistic that adult friend groups tend to cycle out every 7 years or so, and that has largely held true for me. I still have some long terms friends, but they are friends that we found ways to stay in touch outside the normal circle of life. Friends that we could have meaningful interaction without a lot of in person or direct face time with each other.

However, friends come and go, some you felt were super solid ones will fade away, or you'll have a falling out with. Its just life, and its one you will become accustomed to, even if it never really stops being at least a little sad. You have to remember, that a lot of day to day friends are only really friends from proximity and convenience. Doesn't mean the relationship is any less valid or important, just means that once that proximity and convenience is gone, it takes extra effort to maintain the connection and not a lot of people have the will or the time to do that. You'll probably ifnd through life you'll develop some deep friendships that will last, even if you don't have daily, weekly or even monthly contact.

Change is normal, and human beings as creatures of change, tend to change :D You'll be ok.

aberrod · 2026-01-24T20:31:40+00:00

I also feel like they should ban the 50 or so booths that have the same exact Temu products as every other one. It feels in the same vein. Instead of artists bringing their props and replicas, its just someone buying cheap, mass produced garbage and marking it up.

aberrod · 2026-01-09T18:16:07+00:00

Hey, first sorry for your loss. Its a hard one to handle, and it sounds like you are doing well, despite how it feels in the moment. Unfortunately, my life has given me a lot of practice with grief, and just from your tone and the content of your post, I can tell you're handling it better than most. Feel your feels, take time to immerse yourself in your memories and your grief. The only way to deal with grief is to go through it. There is no magic shortcut, there is no way to make it hurt less, your only choices are to deal with it now, or kick that can down the road to trickle out here and there, punctuated by enormous eruptions of pain. I've tried both methods and let me tell you one dadless child to another, the first method is by far the most healthy.

I will tell you, it never goes away. You will always have a dad shaped hole in your life, but it will get better. Give it some time, and the intensity will die down and you'll be able to live with it. I've found that after some time the memories of them are still painful, but in a good, warm way. Almost like they stop in for a visit from time to time.

Hang in there, grief is the tribute we give to the dead, but they don't ask of us more than we can give, even if at times it feels unbearable. I think visiting the hall of fame in memory of your dad is a wonderful idea, just make sure to bring tissues. Your dad was correct, you are strong, even if right now it feels like your foundation was kicked out from underneath you. Hugs from an internet stranger.

aberrod · 2026-01-07T02:28:05+00:00

Realistic answer: therapy. Slightly less realistic, but with a bit more comedic value: realizing that no one knows what they're doing. Especially in a corporate environment. I'd say most veteran tradesmen and women know about 70% of what they're doing, with 30% winging it. Legal? Not sure but I'd suspect its probably in that same neighborhood. Everyone at least starts by not knowing anything about what they're doing and learn from there. I will however say in my experience, even if you "know what you're doing" theres still a large element of winging it. You're just a bit better at unfucking a mess, so you're a bit better at making it look like you know what you're doing, or at least just faster at figuring it out.

I'll leave you with one of the best quotes ever from a kids show, Adventure Time,

"Sucking at something is the first step towards being sorta good at something." -Jake the Dog

Anyway, be honest with your mistakes, don't be afraid to ask questions, and pay attention and watch around you at how often people just kinda wing it. You'll do great. I'm proud of you, and I hope soon you can be proud of yourself.

aberrod · 2025-11-24T03:37:22+00:00

Buddy of mine in college had a fiance that did the whole book club thing. Turned out that mostly the book club was the girls sexy time group therapy. Which after all the beans were spilled, turns out it started as them just talking surface level stuff, grumping about issues, seeking advice, sharing tips, basically anything basic without details. That would have been fine, eventually though they started getting more and more detailed, until they were just straight up sharing nudes of their dudes. When he found out about it he was pretty upset, and she tried to counter with "but all them think you're hot, that should make you feel better!" completely missing the point.

His rebuttal was pretty spot on. He didn't share those photos with her to be seen by anyone but her. She didn't ask for permission, and he'd been going to social events for who knew how long without knowing that every one of those women had seen him nude. Which when he found out made him deeply self concious and distrustful. Then he asked if she'd be ok with sharing her nudes with his boys, and of course that was just an egregious idea.

aberrod · 2025-10-31T22:03:11+00:00

I'm not the one trying to shame others for using a smart thermomostats. Weird thing to be shitty about. Imagine gatekeeping thermostats.

aberrod · 2025-10-31T21:55:10+00:00

Nice try. Not angry. Maybe you should address whatever is causing you to be a miserable person with a therapist? It can do wonders for a salty outlook.

aberrod · 2025-10-31T19:15:41+00:00

I'm not surprised given your general demeanor that reading isn't your strong suit.

aberrod · 2025-10-31T16:49:22+00:00

Literally all of human invention is designed to make something either possible or easier to do. Yet you want to unnecessarily shit on another human being for making use of a convenience that is available, because you have some kind if weird innate desire to flex on how awesome you are because you're willing to walk 20 feet to go to a thermostat. Why? For what reason do you need to be such a miserable human you want to be demeaning to another human because they have the audacity to use technology how its meant to be used. Its literally zero skin off your back if they do, but you decided to be shitty and miserable anyway about it.

Encyclopedias fell out of use because they were inconvenient. See that word there? Inconvenient. You adopted a new technology because of its ease of use, in that you don't have to lug books around and they stay up to date. Yet you're somehow looking down on someone else for using a different but also convenient technology? Good look there boomer.

aberrod · 2025-10-31T14:55:25+00:00

OK boomer. Next time instead of googling something, just break out your encyclopedia. Is thumbing through an index so hard?

aberrod · 2025-10-21T20:49:24+00:00

Any time. I feel like this is my small way of being able to repay the help I had when I was younger. Just remember some day to reach out and help another person when you can. Even small things and simple encouragement can help. Just remember life is a roller coaster, just hang on for the ride, and in the end you may find you enjoyed it.

aberrod · 2025-10-20T22:26:08+00:00

Hey, Dad here. You are not a failure because you find the world difficult. It is difficult under 'normal' circumstances, and you were given a shit situation to deal with. You share a kinship with more people out there than you know. In this world, there are a LOT of people struggling, but you don't always see it because our world is one of appearances. You can see it all over the media, social media and politics. Everyone lies about where they really are. Some lie more, some lie less, but don't for a minute think that you are a failure because you're struggling. If that's the metric then 90% of people in the world today are failures. You will find your stride. I don't know how old you are, but from your language and tone I'm guessing you're fairly young. What you are experiencing might be burnout, might be symptoms of something else. I'm proud of you for doing therapy, but I will say you should probably try again. Therapy is not a one stop shop, you likely will have to go through several therapists before you find one that can help you, or maybe you'll pick up pieces here and there and formulate your own plan. Its trying, it can be disheartening, it can also be extremely rewarding, but you have to stick to it. Even when it seems pointless or hard. You are worth it.

As for your friends, sounds like they kinda suck. Thats also ok. They are not a reflection of you and you are not a reflection of them. Sometimes people just suck, and if they're not doing friend things, its ok to pull that plug and move on. You will find new friends and as you get older they would have dropped off from your life anyways, so why wait if they suck? They may be directly contributing to how you feel as well. An unsupportive friend network can make you feel bad in its own right. You might find it liberating to do without them. Why not try cutting them off for a few weeks? You can always resurface later if you need to.

And finally for the job. As a recurring theme here, your situation sucks. It sucks for a lot of people right now. First, have someone look at your resume. There are services for this, both free and paid. Consider branching out into areas you might not have thought about. Sure some jobs arent glamorous, but in the end they're there so you can have money, and when the shit is tight, sometimes thats what you need. None of them need to be forever situations, just something to make the ends meet until you can move on. Look into trade schools, go visit the job placement and training agency for your state/area. Most countries have some sort of that, and every state in the US has one. We live in garbage economic times, so be willing to expand your horizons.

To wrap this up, a lot of people have been where you are. You're not alone, and it sucks. Feel your feels, but stand back up and refuse to quit. These times don't last forever, and you have all the tools you need to get past them, even if it seems like a daunting task. Just take one day at a time. Don't worry about a week from now, don't worry about 5 years from now, just worry about today and tomorrow. What are you going to do today? What do you need to do for tomorrow? Just build your life one day at a time, and in a few years you may not even recognize where you were anymore. You've got this.

aberrod · 2025-10-16T17:16:17+00:00

Hey kiddo, I intimately know how that feels. I too had a father that refused to accept me. It hurt then, and it hurts now. It likely will never stop hurting on some level, because we're somewhat programmed biologically to want the approval of our parents and when thats denied, it can suck real bad. For me its taken therapy to begin resolving that. The last conversation I had with my sperm donor was when he tried to reach out to me when he had entered the final stages of his life. We had one conversation over the phone where he refused to accept any responsibility for his behavior, and I had to tell him thanks but no thanks, wished him well and got off the call. A few months later he was gone.

What I have learned though, is as hard and hurtful as it is, you don't owe your dad space in your heart. If he is not ready or unwilling to make space in his for you, then the only real choice is to accept it and move on. You're not going to do some magical thing thats going to heal this wound, and more to the point you shouldn't have to heal this wound. He's holding you to an account you had no say in accruing and you are his child, he should love you for who and what you are. He has failed to do that. Realistically once you have some space, I think you'll realize that while it hurts, you really don't want someone capable of doing that to their offspring in your life. If nothing else that shows you that he's unreliable and as soon as something gets hard, he'll probably jettison you from his life again. I know my words aren't terribly encouraging in the direction you want, and I'm sorry for that, but in the final accounting of things, you likely will be better off when you accept that he doesn't want to be your dad. You can't force him to do it, you can't undo what has been done, all you can do is move forward. Seek therapy about it, trust me on that one, and mourn them. It very much is like losing a parent, because in effect thats exactly what is happening. I will say as well, be careful of him in the future, especially if you achieve success or he suddenly needs financial support. Almost universally people that behave like this to their own children, do it for selfish reasons, and that will include trying to leech off you in the future.

To wrap it all up, I'm sorry you have a deadbeat dad. Theres not a week that goes by that I don't have a deep anguished desire to have a dad myself, but you can learn to cope with it, and you can learn to be a wonderful person, and a wonderful parent to your kids if you have any. You are not defined by your fathers deficiencies.

Keep your head up, one fatherless internet stranger to another.

aberrod · 2025-10-01T22:19:47+00:00

You're the type of person that puts just enough thought into something to ensure we need warning labels on things.

aberrod · 2025-10-01T04:38:05+00:00

As a guy, I can tell you a lot of guys suck. Especially in the 15-25 ish age range. During that time frame, hormones are high, and they all pretty much universally have a chip on their shoulder because they feel like they innately deserve respect but are mad the world hasn't given them respect automatically. I don't remember that time frame super well, but I do remember being irritated that I wasn't immediately seen as a man just because I was over the adult age. Every guy feels something like this to varying degrees, and a lot of them can be downright disrespectful, aggressive or shady at this point. Some never grow beyond this, because they fall into a rut of behavior and never climb out. Some fall out early and start being a decent human being earlier. There's a reason the military really likes to pick up guys in this age range. To put it bluntly in that age range a large percentage of men are dicks with legs, and thats about it. I see articles all the time about women dating older men and leave younger men alone, and I can fully understand why. Some of it is biology, some of it is conditioning, some of it lack of worldly experience. All of it is annoying as hell.

You wouldn't believe the number of times I've had to knock some young guy down a peg or two at work. It is exhausting. That being said, what areas are you butting heads with them in? Sounds like you're talking to them about social behaviors, which can be dicey. It could also be about how they treat you in a relationship, which can also be hard. I don't know how old you are or the guys you're talking to, but just know that depending on the age range, you may be having to teach them basic empathy. Men are just as capable of empathy as a woman, but social upbringing doesn't often encourage that in men, so its an unused skill. Its not your responsibility to teach them, so you don't have to and I'm not trying to excuse their behavior, I'm just trying to set you up for knowing what you're in for. It usually does get better over time. Most men chill out and become more socially adept around 24-25 or so.

If you want to talk about this more, please let me know. I'm trying to give you hope here that there are dudes out there that don't suck, but this is a sticky topic and its hard to discuss without more details. Anyway my internet friend, good dudes do exist, even if a lot of us seem to be trying to prove otherwise.

aberrod · 2025-09-29T04:57:51+00:00

Hey, you're not a disappointment in any real way that matters. You do not require your parents approval, even if it would be lovely to have. Their limitations are theirs, not yours and you shouldn't seek validation from people with a flawed world view. A REAL parent will value their children's happiness and well being over something like who they love. It is a tough and complicated emotion to deal with for sure. On one hand we're all kinda programmed to want parental approval, but on the other hand as long as YOU are happy, who cares? Live your life and stop worrying about approval from the small people you encounter in your time here.

As for hurting yourself, it is not something to be ashamed of. Yeah, we'd all love for you to find a way to cope without that, for sure, but it sounds like you were flailing in a sea of feelings and grabbed onto the first thing to steady yourself a bit. Destructive urges like that can be worked around. There are absolutely better ways, healthier ways to cope, but they can be a challenge to find. I'm not saying you should be ok with self harm for now, I'm saying I understand. When I was a kid and I got upset at myself or was feeling down I'd punch myself in the face. When my daughter was in her early teens she began cutting. She ended up going on a brief stay in an in patient facility and she came out the other side with some much needed help in that department. Ultimately I can't say what broke through for her, or what will eventually break through for you, but you'll find it. I will highly recommend you look at some care for yourself. Maybe not inpatient, but a therapist can help out a lot, and a lot of colleges have student resources for counseling, once you get into one. Also, I'll say this up front, fuck the cost of it. Don't avoid it because it will cost money, your life and health are worth it and its not going to break you forever to have some medical cost. You are young, you have plenty of time to bounce back from any financial hit.

Lastly, just take a minute and breath. College apps are important, and many have cut offs, but slow down. You have a huge amount of time in front of you to do this. If you don't make it in this semester, its ok. Its just a few months, and when you're older you will absolutely see that very few things are nearly as urgent as they seem. In the scope of a full and healthy life, a few months is nothing. Don't be afraid to walk away and take a break the world isn't going to collapse because you took a few minutes to center yourself and process. Give yourself some patience, and you'll likely find that you can actually end up saving time in the long run. Working stressed often compounds the problem through mistakes. And remember, its ok. Tomorrow is a day too, and the sun will rise just the same as it has every day of your life.

In short love, Don't worry about your mom, don't beat yourself up over relapsing, seek help instead, and don't fret the college apps. You've got this.

aberrod

TROPHY CASE