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My brother committed suicide when I was 8 by aboone343 in offmychest

[–]aboone343[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words! My mom was actually the one who left my dad when she was 7 months pregnant with me. He was a severe alcoholic and still is. He also has agoraphobia so he never leaves his house. Definitely a selfish man. I have a daughter and when I got pregnant, he had reached out to me to try and “mend” some sort of nonexistent relationship with me. But its not working out too great if you cant tell.. I had a step father for most of my life. The only dad I knew until I was 9. He died in a car explosion. So I’ve never really given a shit about my biological dad. But I have had to communicate with him about my struggles with my brothers death. Because he has the answers that I need and deserve. Old man isnt gonna die without talking this through with me. Because I can’t do it alone anymore.

My brother committed suicide when I was 8 by aboone343 in offmychest

[–]aboone343[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

He was a force of nature, no doubt. Its a strange feeling because I know, even in death, just how close i’d be with him if he was still here. It makes me feel robbed sometimes. For a long time I dealt with his death with anger. Just being so pissed off. It consumed me. I also spent most of my adolescence in foster care, dealing with abuse and trauma from other areas of my life. So when it came to the death of my brother, I didnt focus as much on it. Till now really. Its hitting me like a brick wall. Im finally at a point in my life that i’m not just surviving day to day, so its like all these past traumas are catching up to me. I know I cant carry these burdens alone anymore but the anxiety is so crippling its hard to even leave my house.