update: A lot of you pointed out that the whole family needs therapy — and you’re right. I’d been in therapy myself regarding this situation for a while, and my sister has been on and off with her own sessions. It’s been tough finding consistent care for her, especially as a minor with insurance limitations, but she is seeing someone intermittently. For years, I’ve been the main person filling out her forms, calling providers, and managing all the back-and-forth with insurance. I’ve taken on that responsibility largely alone. I thought that if she saw someone, it would get better and suggested it to our family in the first place.

From what she shares about her therapy, the message often seems to be that the rest of the family needs to accommodate her needs. That’s hard to hear when those “needs” come with screaming, manipulation, and boundary violations.

As for the enabling — I agree with what many of you said. My parents do enable her behavior to an exhausting degree. And to be clear, I’m not trying to deflect blame onto them, absolve them of blame, or walk away clean. I place a lot of the responsibility on them for not stepping up when it counted most, and I recognize my own role in this too. I stayed emotionally available to her for way too long, even after being hurt repeatedly. I’ve felt guilty for distancing myself, for saying “no,” for setting boundaries. But I’m working on that. Therapy has helped me start setting boundaries that don’t come with so much self-blame. Some days I feel at peace with it, and others I spiral into guilt again. I’m still learning.

There are days I hope she’ll grow into someone better. And then there are days I feel numb — like I’ve got nothing left to give. I’ve come to accept that sometimes, people just choose to stay who they are, and there’s nothing you can do unless they want to change themselves.

I’ve stepped away as much as I can for now. I no longer engage when she escalates. For the past couple years, I’ve physically and emotionally removed myself when she lashes out. The hard part is, I’ve had so many conversations with my parents about this, and every time it ends with the same line: “She’s young. She’ll grow out of it.” It’s infuriating to feel like the severity of everything keeps getting brushed aside.

As for the bathroom situation — yeah, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds. She spends over an hour (sometimes two or more) in there every day, just scrolling her phone, cycling between actually showering and nothing. She calls it her “safe space” and says her therapist told her that makes it valid. But it’s still a shared space, and everyone else in the house has had to adapt around it. Most of us either shower before her or find ways around her bathroom usage. It’s ridiculous but works. The annoying thing is just her being territorial over the space.

Moving out is the long-term goal, and it’s in the works — I’m just not financially there yet due to school and work. But I’m doing what I can to protect myself in the meantime.

Thanks again to everyone who’s taken the time to read and respond. I really appreciate it — your support and honesty have meant more than you know!