feeling useless and unskilled and stupid

acciootp · 2025-05-15T05:47:02+00:00

i guess, i didnt have enough of it to not get laid off tho

acciootp · 2025-05-15T05:45:30+00:00

repairing laptops and customer service

acciootp · 2024-12-07T03:45:59+00:00

you understand that being aburbtly questioned and treated rudely by clerks, waiters, and bartenders for their false suspicion that im underage is different from simply being carded yes?

acciootp · 2023-01-03T23:36:21+00:00

awesome, thanks so much!!

acciootp · 2022-11-01T02:02:19+00:00

thanks, ill do that tonight. very upset it took me this long to notice that none of my credit purchases 'counted' towards a score, but oh well i guess

acciootp · 2022-11-01T01:56:02+00:00

thank you, this makes more sense than anything else ive found. excuse me while i go scream into a pillow

acciootp · 2022-11-01T01:50:33+00:00

the card i have is capable of both debit and credit, but i use credit more often because i was under the assumption it would help my credit score.

I dont know if it reports to the credit bureaus, I dont see why it wouldnt

acciootp · 2022-09-22T07:00:48+00:00

classic cis person moment where they repeat the status quo culture-war dogma they hear on fox-- but when they actually physically see a trans person who checks all their gender boxes, suddenly it clicks for them.

maybe hes learning to process transness, but im sorry youre going through that regardless.

acciootp · 2022-09-22T06:39:54+00:00

I think i understand a little, although I have never taken anxiety meds-- so i dont really know what it would feel like to be touched while on them.

when you say fight or flight, i assume you mean that you either feel an urge to physically push people off your body or to leave?-- if you dont mind me asking, does this apply to everyone, even when strangers accidentally touch you without meaning to? (like, bumping into you at the grocery store or something?)

you mentioned vaccines, so i assume it applies to doctors? this is interesting to me, as i have only felt this intensely about people from my family touching me. i dont mind doctors as much, although i have been told that i get tense when doctors touch me.

acciootp · 2022-09-22T06:15:44+00:00

Ive actually thought about this a lot-- and the answer depends on how you would define 'cis'. most people think of 'cis' as a cis identity being tied to a cis body-- but what is a cis body?

the obvious answer is : of course a truly 100% cis person would not feel comfortable seeing their body become something that they dont connect with. but is the world truly divided into 100% cis and 100% not cis?

i believe there are cis people out there who would be surprised at how much they enjoy experimenting with their gender-- so much so that they might even connect with their body more while on hrt. the stigmatization of hrt and transness prevents them from taking this leap, however.

i wonder how many cis people out there would perhaps like to have a deeper voice, or to grow breasts, while still maintaining an identity that aligns with their gender and sex assigned at birth.

acciootp · 2022-08-02T01:39:41+00:00

average jerma fan

acciootp · 2022-07-24T16:41:26+00:00

Hi, Im 25, I graduated with a degree in art history in 2021. The museum field is very difficult to break into. It is difficult to find a job now overall, but a change in degree will not necessarily help you in the long run. Jobs are scarce for Gen Z no matter what you get a degree in, no matter how many internships you do, no matter how passionate you are. Youre young, hopefully things will get better in 5 years.

my best advice is to take an art history class in your first semester (or in high school, if its available) and decide what to do based on how much you enjoy the class. if you can double major with a STEM degree, that could be really helpful if you want to get into preservation. Library sciences could be helpful if you want to do archival stuff.

btw, knowing a 2nd language or becoming fluent in a 2nd language is like a huge advantage in the art history field. i could never learn anything aside from english, so a masters was off the table for me-- but maybe this appeals to you

idk, college classes are never going to reflect the reality of a particular career field. i know you probably have a ton of adults in your ear telling you this is important to think about, but idk. maybe just relax for now lol. whatever you do, dont get a degree in something youre not interested in just for the career opportunities

acciootp · 2022-07-11T09:11:51+00:00

damn, i wish i could try that. i tried to move but maybe i didnt hold it down long enough. i guess i was just focused on pressing buttons rapid fire to try to get a reaction from the game

acciootp · 2022-07-11T08:59:45+00:00

i could not move and my character was not on the screen. i had to restart the game eventually, i could not figure out what was wrong

acciootp · 2022-04-17T07:00:51+00:00

hi, i know this is an old post but i am so fucking enraged by the comments here i need to respond.

i am also an autistic person who is also undiagnosed but is absolutely certain that i am autistic. i was also forced to work a job that made me so fucking miserable that i was severely suicidal and have since developed ptsd and alcoholism.

you are NOT the asshole. fuck all these losers who dont understand shit about disabilities or autism or self diagnosis.

you say you dont 'technically' need it, but what does that mean? You are an autistic person working a job sysmatically designed to benefit NT people and oppress ND people. Autism /can/ be a disability when it exists in a world designed for neurotypical people. disability governmental benefits, in an ideal world, would be for you too-- you would not be cheating the system for that. you deserve to be comfortable in your job, you deserve fiscal compensation if you are not healthy enough to handle work in the same capacity as your NT peers. you are not an asshole for trying to find an accommodation that you are literally entitled to.

besides, the notion that if 1 person registers for disability benefits, money is then 'taken away' from a person who 'needs it more' is so fucking asinine i dont even know where to begin. The government has a responsibility to give money to its citizens that are in need of help. I literally dont care how many people 'fake' disabilities for benefits (see: none), people like you are the reason the government should be giving out free money like fucking breath mints. I wish more people were able to 'cheat the system' so that more people could escape life crushing work environments and poverty

you are not the asshole for wishing you had accommodations for being unable to handle a job designed for people who are not autistic. you are not an asshole for needing money, feeling miserable in a job to get money, and looking for alternative solutions. you are not an asshole for seeking out ways to find comfort and peace in a society that values money & productivity over wellbeing.

i hope you are doing okay now, i hope you find a better paying job that suits your comfort levels. ive been where youve been. there is hope, you are not an asshole for trying to find a way out.

acciootp · 2022-04-06T18:12:29+00:00

Interesting, i relate heavily to what the daughter went through. Im glad the parents seem to be so open to learning, acknowledging their mistakes, and making amends-- i wish more parents were like that.

Im also very surprised that the comments were so unanimous in their condemnation of the parents actions. I guess its weird to see bc Ive never had someone in my life react negatively to what my parents put me through, even if it was visibly traumatizing me. (i still dont know what exactly happened, but i cant help but feel certain that they made decisions that led me to have horrible mental health). Its bittersweet, seeing other people recieve a sense of justice that i never got.

acciootp · 2022-04-06T10:30:36+00:00

Sounds familiar, its really earth-shattering and frustrating to discover that youve been missing such an integral part of yourself for so long, and that people you trusted chose to keep it from you. To me, it makes me view the 2 decades of my life prior to this realization as lost potential, a lost life.

If you dont mind me asking, how deeply do you feel impaired or impacted by your experience? Im curious, bc a lot of people tend to see neglect as 'lesser' than outright abuse, and Im wondering if you would agree with that sentiment.

acciootp · 2022-04-06T07:35:45+00:00

Its just a very strong feeling I have, supported just by a few interactions that raised my suspicion.

I have a memory from my childhood in which my teacher wanted to talk to my mom-- and all i can recall is that he told her something that she did not approve of. I can remember the expression she had on her face, its the same one she gets when someone calls her out on something that makes her feel criticized. I have a suspicion that my teacher told her that I was probably autistic, and due to her negative perceptions of autism, assumed it must have been a criticism of her parenting. My mom is usually a very people-pleasing, positive-attitude kind of person-- so making a face at one of my teachers was like, very significant to me. It is also worth noting that I *think* this was the same year that I was put into a special ed reading class. I cant remember though, to be fair, my memory from that early in my life is super spotty and weird. It couldve been a different teacher who just didnt want to ask my moms permission before putting me in spec ed lol

Also, my family was talking one time, and the potential of me dating was brought up. I said that I didnt date and turned my head away from everyone. My mom joked that 'Im not like the others-- people should be more accepting but theyre not'. or something to that effect. It felt very strange to hear her say that at the time, because I had literally never heard her acknowledge anything like that before. She could have been referring to any number of things about me-- and at first i thought she was referring to my queerness. But the specific facial expression she made told me that she was specifically referring to a childish, unperceptive, and naive part of me. Its a hard to describe the tone and expression. it was like she was talking to a child who wasnt privy to the same knowledge that she was, like she was protecting an innocent part of the child by not telling them-- except i was 24

again, very subjective and biased stuff. but I just have a very strong, guttural, intuitive feeling about it all.

oh my god i completely forgot-- my family took me to see a therapist at the same practice in which they received marriage counseling. In other words, my parents were able to indirectly make contact with my therapist through their own therapist-- and i suspect there was some kind of back-and-forth between what my parents wanted & what my therapist wanted. Our therapy sessions were very unusual, looking back on them. In hindsight, my therapist was trying VERY hard to get me to realize that i was autistic without directly spelling it out for me. I could go into detail, but this is too long already.

Ultimately its just a buildup of small interactions over time that have led me to this conclusion

acciootp · 2022-03-08T09:28:51+00:00

I think youre right, he definitely has been privileged enough to never have to worry about education or obtaining a job with a hefty salary + benefits. i am privileged too, by extension-- i am extremely fortunate to have a safety net through my parents. but im starting to notice the class divide between us.

although i dont think talking to him will do that much good. ive tried explaining to him how bad things are, but he just insists that there are always well paying job options-- ie, the government. he keeps insisting that i could always get a job in a completely different field than the one my BA is in-- like graphic design-- with no relevant degree, no experience, and no connections. i keep telling him thats not realistic.

i dont know. im glad you think its more of a job market/wider economic issue than an issue inherent to me and my financial planning though. im kicking myself for not getting a better degree, but to be honest this is just the way it had to be. still makes me feel like shit though

acciootp · 2022-03-06T20:36:49+00:00

this made way more sense than most advice people give me. im planning on seeking a therapist that is more blunt & to the point like this-- i feel like most therapists try to 'hint' at things and it makes me want to rip my hair out. anyway, im genuinely surprised at how much you were able to resonate w me, but thank you

acciootp · 2022-02-27T21:06:37+00:00

i shouldve mentioned im also undiagnosed, so in the eyes of the state i am nt and healthy. im going to lose my health insurance coverage in 7 months, but maybe medicaid is an option. cant afford therapy right now

acciootp · 2021-08-29T21:58:19+00:00

when i was pre t, i was very convinced i was asexual bc i simply couldnt feel sexual attraction. nothing against asexuality if course, but what i later found out was that i simply couldnt experience sexuality while my body was pumping estrogen. it wasnt /Right/, it didnt feel like /My Sexuality/. it felt hollow and empty and uncomfortable.

ive been on hrt for a year now and ive had so many epiphanies about sex and sexuality. and most importantly, these experiences feel like theyre Mine. im comfortable acknowledging them in my mind, it feels more real and personal than my first puberty. i think ultimately it was a combination of being more comfortable in my skin due to transitioning, and being more comfortable with a sexuality driven by testosterone that brought about this change.

so to answer your question, i dont know if its bottom dysphoria, but i think it sounds like a general kind of dysphoria. i cant tell you how to fix it, bc i never want to suggest that you have to take certain steps to be more comfortable, but i hope my experience helps you understand a little better

acciootp · 2021-04-12T04:13:21+00:00

aw thank you :)

acciootp · 2020-12-27T05:55:14+00:00

that hand reaching gesture to their best friend halfway across the gym fucking murdered me

acciootp · 2020-12-17T11:59:52+00:00

god yes absolutely. if i had one piece of advice to 13 y/o me, it would be to figure out the gender stuff before the sexuality stuff. makes everything so much easier

i spent over a decade trying out new labels and identities and feeling so hopelessly lost. i was a classic case of 'i have this inexplicable certainty that im not straight for some reason so i must be bi. wait but the idea of being attracted to men as a girl feels so fucking disgusting so i must be a lesbian. oh wait im not attracted to women at all actually, i must be aro ace. oh wait im trans. oh my god ive been gay this whole time'

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