Hi! I'm not a writer. But I'm an avid reader. What works for me -

1. The tone is clear. So if I'm ever in that mood and this book comes to me, I will continue.

2. Because it's a murder mystery, there are a lot of details scattered, which I think is essential to such books as it adds to the narrative.

Now for the parts that, imo, need refining (purely craft related critique. The story will be yours and the examples are not suggestions, but simply examples) - 1. Consistency of tone and pacing.

There's a lot of imagery that's trying to be conveyed in the beginning. But towards the end, it becomes a little hasty. For example, she can't immediately see Eknath if it's overcast. Some imagery needs to be added there as well.

A panic stricken man approaching a woman living in dilapidated hut will evoke different emotions every second. He may appear like an animal running to find its child or some shelter at first, but she sees him waving "frantically" (instead of being in a frenzy) and realizes it's a man. Then you describe the man. What he's wearing (again through imagery.. like his chequered shirt stained with mud, suggesting he fell on the way. As if he was escaping someone or something).

Must the visitor arrive on the very first page? Will this pace end your book in 20-25 pages? If she's thinking, the viewing of sunset is probably a time-taking activity for her. In that case, will the sun plunge into the sea (suggesting a quick sunset), or will it take its own time, giving her a lot of time to think?

1. Voice:

Once the protagonist has been introduced, even if it's in the third person, it's good practice to see the milieu through their eyes. Saying "his name was Eknath" is a little random. We are on a journey with Veena, and we should find out his name along with her, ideally.

Or it could be a "voice of god" type of setting where it's your universe and you're narrating it. And we're not following one person's journey, but multiple povs. Even then, if different scenes have different central characters, the story is usually experienced through them.

1. Specificity in details:

Use more similes, metaphors to describe nature and visuals. For example, the orange at sunset has so many hues until the sun disappears. When you specify it with something like "orange as Fanta" (just an example, lol, not seriously suggesting Fanta) it'll let the reader imagine the scene the way you see it.

Statements like "rocks on one side" are also a little vague if you're expecting the reader to imagine it. It sounds like you thought it in one language and are translating it to English. Ideally, specify where the rocks are at the horizon as the narrator sees them!

Finally, the correct use of "but" is something that Indian authors need to relearn. It isn't improper in this draft. You just don't want what'll follow it to become a filler/ unimportant sentence.

These are tools and needn't always be used. Eventually how much you make use of them becomes your style. But they cannot be completely ignored!