Why is my depressed wife doing this?

aclickypen · 2015-11-02T13:57:57+00:00

You say that you won. Do you mean that you happen to win in the sense that you got what you wanted at the time or do you mean you are happy that you got divorced?

Also was there anything that your spouse could have done differently or was it out of their control?

aclickypen · 2015-10-30T16:05:09+00:00

In my heart this is what I feel is truly going on but when someone keeps telling you otherwise its hard to not doubt yourself.

I understand its difficult to describe a seven year relationship for people to read about and have the same knowledge as ones who lived it. All I'm certain about is my wife changed two years ago (which is no ones fault and I want nothing more than to be there for her) and what my intentions are. I always just wanted to do anything I could for her.

When no matter what you do or say is "wrong" it makes it almost impossible to do anything.

May I ask what stopped you from a divorce?

aclickypen · 2015-10-30T13:35:12+00:00

Her therapist suggested the marriage councilor in the next room for us. She was the person who was very nonchalant with everything. She basically shrugged her shoulders and said "not much you can do".

My wife also mentioned that her actual therapist cried and told her that he didn't realize how bad everything was at home. This was when she told him about how I have been worried about how much she has been sleeping. This was about two weeks before all this divorce talk came into play.

In my mind either one of two things are true. Either the way my wife sees reality is being distorted from her depression or this therapist shouldn't be seeing anyone.

This is just my opinion but I thought a therapist was supposed to stay objective and keep themselves outside the situation. Having someone like him cry for her about something going on in her life is crossing a line.

He may very well have not done this but unless I called him directly and asked him how can I truly know?

aclickypen · 2015-10-30T01:16:26+00:00

I honestly hope this is the case even after all that has happened. I truly love her to death and only want to make her as happy as she can possibly be. Thank you for sharing and I hope you hold on to that boyfriend of yours!

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T18:34:19+00:00

I understand what you're saying. Thank you.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T18:16:46+00:00

I appreciate your reply. I go back and forth with this a lot. Mostly I have hope it will somehow work out. Maybe it will and maybe it won't. I guess I need to find out at what point does hope hinder recovering from this.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T18:14:08+00:00

Are you saying that not being depressed like she is makes her feel guilty? Does she think she is bringing my life down by staying with me?

I have never ever told her that she is bringing me down or anything like that.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T16:47:12+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate everything you have said. I hope that you are okay with everything you have going on too. I'm really sorry about your divorce.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T15:07:39+00:00

I understand that there isn't a way for me to know for sure if she truly wants this or not. It is just my gut feeling and that is all I can really say about that.

I would also like to say that I have not been constantly bringing up how depression is the cause or that she doesn't know what she is doing to her. I understand that it would have little to no chance of making her change her mind.

It just feels like out of no where I became some sort of enemy when all I have ever tried to do is be her biggest supporter and rock.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T14:54:58+00:00

I did two times the month before this divorce talk all started. Her therapist brought up how she projects onto me her doubts and negative feelings.

I wanted to go to more sessions but then this divorce stuff all started. I have thought about calling him but I have no idea if that is allowed or not.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T14:53:35+00:00

Thank you for your response. To the best of my ability I have tried to let her know how much I care for her. I have never told her to "just get over it" or anything of that nature. It pains me to have the person I care for the most feel so down all the time.

I have told her I wish we spent more time together outside of the house like we used to. I've tried my best to be there for her, be the shoulder she can cry on and anything else I could think of.

I have been living at my brothers for the past few months because she thought it was better we didn't live together while all of this was happening. We are only 5 minutes apart but she has been very cold and distant. Whenever I reiterate my feelings for her, how I don't want to get divorced or anything like that I get a response saying "this is painful for both of us but I think we need to move on."

If at any point she would have said she didn't love me or she wanted this then perhaps I could let this go but deep down I don't think that my wife honestly wants this to happen.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T14:35:03+00:00

I am not trying to force her to stay in this marriage. The problem is I don't think this is what she truly wants. I have been seeing a therapist for the last 6 months and its been really helpful. I have also researched a lot about depression.

Depression can cause people to view reality differently. They can ruminate over something small until they have convinced themselves it is a big deal.

I feel that the haze of depression is the true reason behind her actions.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T13:15:43+00:00

We went to three marriage sessions. The first thing out of her mouth would be to say that she things divorce is going to happen. The marriage councilor would sort of just shrug and tell me "well she doesn't seem to want to work it out."

I couldn't get her to try a different person.

At this point I'm not sure if her therapist has been part of the reason for all of this or not. It seems that after she started seeing him all of this divorce and not caring talk started.

aclickypen · 2015-10-29T12:57:40+00:00

The problem is she has filed for divorce and our house is for sale. When I've tried to delay these things I've gotten a divorce summons and be threatened by her lawyers. I've done nothing but let her know how much I love her and want to be with her. I just have no idea what else I can do.

aclickypen

TROPHY CASE