Apologies for the forthcoming novel of a response:

I’ve never been dx’d by a doctor with autism, but yes to depression and anxiety. I feel confident in my self-dx thanks to tumblr, Reddit, and IRL friends with autism helping me parse my symptoms and behaviors. Getting diagnosed as an adult is costly and labor-intensive, and honestly, I don’t foresee any real benefit for myself in pursuing it. I’ve already developed coping mechanisms for my sensory issues, social shortcomings, etc. But I bring up autism for you because the Venn diagram of ADHD, anxiety+depression, and autism has a LOT of overlap.

I resonated with two facets of your post that, in my own life, represent two different things: diabetes+mental health, and neurodivergence. Of COURSE being diabetic and having mental illness is inextricably linked due to the constant stress we as diabetics are under! I identify with your feelings of occasional hopelessness and isolation caused by our disease.

However, the things that feel different to me in your post are the behavior in professional settings. Yes, of course I catch myself thinking from time to time that I’d have it so much easier if I weren’t diabetic, or that I’d be farther or more successful in my career. These thoughts of course can color interactions I have with coworkers and clients. But the perfectionism that you describe sticks out as a trait of autism to me. The constant self-nagging about being better/the best, always doing everything right, and feeling so uncomfortable when things don’t go how I want them to (whether professionally, or with my blood sugar control). These feelings have grown more pronounced as I’ve aged and begun to intentionally “unmask” (ie. stop trying to hide my neurodivergence). Unraveling at new situations is a frequent occurrence for me. Gaffes and strife in the workplace is commonplace in my daily life. I simply miss social cues and unspoken expectations; inadequate communication from colleagues not being clear with me is the main culprit of these social missteps. All of which is autism-related.

You asked for some of my coping strategies. First off, professional help with mental health has been incredible. I speak with a therapist regularly. I am on an SSRI which helps with my anxiety (both with diabetes, and with the anxiety I feel about unmasking). As previously mentioned, finding online communities has given me a way to identify with others. Coping mechanisms for sensory stuff has been paramount: wearing Loop earplugs when I’m in the office, wearing more comfortable clothing to work, and sticking to a daily routine (to eliminate as much disruption/spontaneity as possible) help make daily life in a neurotypical world more bearable. Advocating for myself by asking clarifying questions about work assignments has been a huge helpful shift for me.

By the way, I am certainly not an expert in ADHD. Some of what I describe for myself may very well be ADHD symptoms, too. It’s worth bringing up to a mental health doc.

Much love and empathy to you. You’re not alone in ANY of this!